Anyone have experience with homesick college kid? - Page 9

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

Their are many kids that age who can't handle college. A friend of mine was sent away and had a psychotic break, she couldn't handle any of it.

The parents need to consider bringing her home and signing her up, IF SHE AGREES, for a junior college. MANY kids start there and go on to a four year college.

Ibby114 · ‎03-10-2010

@ROMARY wrote:
Just thinking out loud, as usual: Thinking back, I've noticed that sometimes they don't return (after graduation) to anywhere near their home towns or home cities. And sometimes (underline 'sometimes') the parents wish their adult children would have found careers more locally located. Just another thought of mine, right or wrong. .........p.s. As an after thought, I'm thinking that we could explore and decide which kind of parents that we are, and the family life we wish to have as we become older. Do we want family close by (grandchildren, etc.) or not mind that they live thousands of miles away. All parents' thoughts and wishes differ, as well as their adult children's thoughts and wishes. I think that discussing these possibilities ahead of time might be beneficial for many families, in the long run.

I would have loved it if my sons career kept him close to home- but that wasn't the best for his field. I was fortunate that the best schooling for him was an hour from home- I got bonus years! My daughter wants to be an art teacher, she's a senior in college. She got an AA an a community college - then transferred. That was the best for her since she wasn't ready. She'll go wherever the jobs are- that could be far away! I figure my kids locales will help guide me about relocating when I retire.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

No need to call the girl spoiled or a baby. I'm guessing she has an anxiety disorder and always has.

@Lipstickdiva

Please consider suggesting to your friend that her daughter see a counselor. They must have a clinic on campus or a crisis therapist.

hopi · ‎03-09-2010

@Lipstickdiva

Living away at college is so over rated. Many things that go on are unsaid. No privacy, shared bathrooms, living quarters, wash machines, small cramped living, devious and deviate behavior you can't get way from.

Drugs, alcohol and people who will be loud all night. The classes are the easy part.

Students can and have committed suicide over being stuck in unhappy situations. If she wants to come home there is a date where you can get refunded some monies.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Yes, Noel. Same thing happened to a college acquaintance. Spent time (a year, from what I heard) in a facility, but thank goodness, ended up quite successful and happy back in her home town. And eventually met and married a nice, extremely successful man in their community, which is a 'plus', imo.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

That's girl's situation is the extreme and I suspect she has some problem and the parents know it. She's 18 but she's probably more like a 16 year old emotionally. Why must she go away to school? Some 18 year olds aren't ready for the campus experience and some just don't want it. If she were my kid, I'd let her withdraw from school and I'd let her enroll next semester in a community college where she can commute. Let her do the first two years like that and she'll probably be emotionally ready for campus life at that time. I say that because we had a similar problem with my older daughter. She didn't have that girl's issues but she ran into a Mean Girls situation in the dorms and some girls in the dorm made her life unbearable. She had no friends and their were rumors circulating about her. She didn't even tell us until November, she actually confided in her Godmother who insisted that she tell us. She was a mess and begged us to let her drop out. She was miserable. So, we spoke with the dean and explained the situation and we did let her take the semester off. It was a leave. She didn't drop out, she went back in January but not to the dorms. We rented a tiny studio near campus for her and she got a part time job to help with her expenses. She already had her own car. So, life went on just fine for her. Once out of that toxic dorm situation, she bloomed. She made friends, excelled in her class work. Kids can go to college without going away and living in a dorm, happens all the time.

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

To be honest, I was a little shocked when I found out this girl was going away to college. I thought she would go to our local community college at least for a year and take some classes that could easily transfer. That would give her time to find out what college classes are like and perhaps figure out exactly what she wants to major in. It's not my business, I"m not paying for her schooling but it doesn't make sense to me to pay that kind of money for someone to go away to school when they don't even know what they are going to major in yet but I know a lot of kids do that.

When the parents bring it up to me again I will suggest that maybe their daughter needs to see a counselor and gently suggest that if they think this is strictly and issue of being homesick and nothing else, they need to leave this girl there and let her figure some things out. She goes to a university that has a football team so there is stuff going on there on the weekends.

I honestly think given the option, this girl would come home and work at her job and not even go to school. But her job isn't anything she'd be able to make a living at. Maybe she needed the year off to figure things out instead of going away.

Thanks to everyone for all the advice and help. As an outsider looking in I can think the parents need to stop coddling her and make her stay but I know more than likely if I had a kid that called me crying and wanting to come home, I would fold like a cheap umbrella.

Bri36 · ‎02-20-2017

Are they forcing her to go to school? She doesn't sound like she even wants to be there. If she were home and working and probably wouldn't be in school, her parents might need to be honest and realize that school might not be for her at this time.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Lipstickdiva wrote:
To be honest, I was a little shocked when I found out this girl was going away to college. I thought she would go to our local community college at least for a year and take some classes that could easily transfer. That would give her time to find out what college classes are like and perhaps figure out exactly what she wants to major in. It's not my business, I"m not paying for her schooling but it doesn't make sense to me to pay that kind of money for someone to go away to school when they don't even know what they are going to major in yet but I know a lot of kids do that.

When the parents bring it up to me again I will suggest that maybe their daughter needs to see a counselor and gently suggest that if they think this is strictly and issue of being homesick and nothing else, they need to leave this girl there and let her figure some things out. She goes to a university that has a football team so there is stuff going on there on the weekends.

I honestly think given the option, this girl would come home and work at her job and not even go to school. But her job isn't anything she'd be able to make a living at. Maybe she needed the year off to figure things out instead of going away.

Thanks to everyone for all the advice and help. As an outsider looking in I can think the parents need to stop coddling her and make her stay but I know more than likely if I had a kid that called me crying and wanting to come home, I would fold like a cheap umbrella.

You have to remember that things have changed since we went to school. Many kids don't feel the pressure to start college right after high school an finish on 4 years. They are going to work until they are 70 and probably change careers a time or two. Gap years are very common in Europe and becoming increasinly common here. That might be what she needs, she might have needed it all along. A year off to get some life experience and to think about what she wants to do and how she wants to do it. I do think forcing the kid to go back to place that she's miserable in for no good reason is cruel, it's just cruel.

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

@Bri36 wrote:
Are they forcing her to go to school? She doesn't sound like she even wants to be there. If she were home and working and probably wouldn't be in school, her parents might need to be honest and realize that school might not be for her at this time.

I can't say that they are forcing her. She was very into going away and they did a ton of college visits over the last couple of years because that's what she wanted to do. But I think she might have liked the visits and the idea of going away more than the actual going away part. I think her father would have been happy for her to stay home and go to our community college given the cost of the university she's at and the fact that she doesn't know what she wants to major in.

I think both parents were afraid if she didn't go to school, she'd keep working the job she's at and wouldn't be motivated to do anything beyond that and she'll get nowhere at that job.