Anyone have experience with homesick college kid?

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

I have a very good friend whose daughter went off to college this year. She isn't that far away, a little over an hour. While she has her own vehicle, as a freshman she isn't allowed to have it on campus.

I guess during orientation the parents were told that it's a common problem for incoming freshman to get homesick and they recommended that parents not be accomodating in coming to get them. They told the parents they need to leave the kids at school which forces them to get involved and find things to do.

This young lady started school prior to Labor Day so she was only in school a week before the long weekend and she came home. She was taken back Labor Day night. That week she called her parents and her mom agreed to go up there on the weekend and spend Saturday with her. While her mom was there the daughter was crying and wanted to come home for the rest of the weekend so the mom brought her home and took her back again Sunday night.

The daughter calls her parents every single day, several times a day. Outside of going to her classes (they hope), she stays in her room. They know this weekend is going to come and the same thing is going to happen with her calling to come home. Although prior to her leaving they sounded like they might stick to their guns and leave her there if this situation happened but when the time came, they just can't do it.

I don't have kids but I can only imagine how hard it is to get a call from your child crying to come home. I'm not sure I would have the guts to tell them sorry, I'm not coming to get you. But I know that's what needs to be done in a lot of cases.

Anyone have experience with their child being homesick? What did you do?

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

No, my eighteen-year-old wasn't homesick. I was the one who cried all weekend.

JobGirl · ‎12-30-2010

sounds like more than "homesickness"

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

Maybe she lacks the maturity to have gone away to college. Maybe a gap year would have been good for her.

fthunt · ‎12-24-2010

Agree with prior posting - something else is going on. Perhaps she doesn't make friends easily or just doesn't try at all - or has an 'attitude' that turns people off - or she just wasn't ready for college. Did she get pushed into it?

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

She is on the more quiet/shy side but she isn't a brat or snotty and her attitude isn't off-putting at all. She is a doll and a very nice kid but again, quiet and shy. She was never one in high school to have plans with friends every weekend or go to parties. She was involved in some sports. She also held a job and absolutely loved it and the people she worked with.

She wanted to go away to college and was very excited and up for it until the time actually came.

My sister was the same way when she went away and she was super outgoing. But she was horribly homesick. She called all the time begging my parents to come get her and they had to tell her no, they had other plans. My mom would hang up crying but she knew it was for the best. This went on for her first quarter and then my sister was fine. She got to the point where she never wanted to come home. LOL

I wonder if it's possible this girl doesn't like her roommate?

Skididdy · ‎11-05-2013

Oh my....VERY FAMILIAR.

Same scenerio for us. Our daughter is about 1 1/2 hrs from home. She had to go very early, AUG 11th, as she plays orchestra and band.

She is very homesick. She has good days and bad days.

At orientation they told us the same things. Actually it made much sense. It takes time, months and months, as everything these kids have ever known is different. They are young and learning life on their own for the first time in their lives.

We are taking the advice of the university. We are letting her figure things out on her own. We talk a few times a wk, she does text each day, but they say not to bumbard the kids with calls and texts, leave the ball in her court. My goodness, I miss her so so so very much, but with us our daughter is brilliant book smart, she needs to learn street and life smarts.... so for us, we need her to come into her own without making her feel deserted, and it seems to be working.

This is a learning process for parents and child for sure. My emotions are all over the place but I cannot let her feel my angst and worry. I take a deep breath and realize that we gave our girl wings to fly....we have to trust that we built those wings strong enough with all we have taught her. So we are letting our little bird fly...loving her from afar, and simply believing in her.

HARDEST THING I, AS A MOMMY , HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.

I hope I helped a little. There is no easy answer when it comes to loving your babies all your life and you have to slowly let go.

Skididdy · ‎11-05-2013

Maybe suggest for her to join some clubs at school. This really worked for our daughter. She was able to meet more people and she seems more settled. Let her try a club that co insides with her likes and try a club totally different for her.

Beachgirl42 · ‎05-05-2010

It really is best if they can back off a bit, not be so available and willing to come up, so she learns how to get comfortable living on campus ... making new friends, joining clubs, etc. She doesn't have to party or go out, but just find like-minded students who maybe want to play games or watch a movie together.

My child just went off to college about the third week of August and I'm doing my best not to text or call too much. I try to let him dictate how much we communicate.

smb3 · ‎03-12-2010

When I was in college, I was homesick but I knew nobody was going to come get me and that I had no choice but to suck it up. On the other hand, I don't think going away to college is for everyone and if she really continues to have a problem then they can look into community college and perhaps transferring in the future if she is ready to go away. None of my kids went away for college, but my son went to visit a friend at college this past weekend for four days and I really missed him. I would have to get used to it, but he seemed to enjoy it and gives him a little touch of experience of being away on his own.