Anyone have experience with homesick college kid? - Page 10

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

@chrystaltree, I think you might be very right. I know back when I went to college, there was no discussion about it. I was going to college and getting a degree and that was that.

But a gap year may have done her good.

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

I went away to college. I lasted one semester. Why?

*Drugs

*Booze

*Sex

All. The. Time. My roommate spent her time getting drunk and high and puking. Finding strange guys in my room was something that I became used to. From Thursday to Sunday, it was booze and drugs with sex here and there. The amazing thing was, once I said "No", I wasn't pressured. It was...surreal, lol. Still, it got old very quickly.

I did't come home for Thanksgiving simply because I had the chance to stay in a private house with others staying on campus (mainly seniors) and OMG what a difference from the freshman dorms!! When I went home for Christmas, I told my parents I was done and was going to college near by. Since I was paying for college, it really wasn't their decision. Looking back, maybe a different college would have offered a different experience but I lived at home, worked and went to college. Saved me a LOT of money too, in the end.

This girl may have all these issues going on. She may be suffering from major anxiety as well. At this point, SOMETHING is going on and as a parent, I would want to help my child instead of making things worse. Bring her home, try some therapy/talk over things/go to school locally, etc and go from there. Like everything else in life, you can't lump everyone into one category/label.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Lipstickdiva wrote:
To be honest, I was a little shocked when I found out this girl was going away to college. I thought she would go to our local community college at least for a year and take some classes that could easily transfer. That would give her time to find out what college classes are like and perhaps figure out exactly what she wants to major in. It's not my business, I"m not paying for her schooling but it doesn't make sense to me to pay that kind of money for someone to go away to school when they don't even know what they are going to major in yet but I know a lot of kids do that.

When the parents bring it up to me again I will suggest that maybe their daughter needs to see a counselor and gently suggest that if they think this is strictly and issue of being homesick and nothing else, they need to leave this girl there and let her figure some things out. She goes to a university that has a football team so there is stuff going on there on the weekends.

I honestly think given the option, this girl would come home and work at her job and not even go to school. But her job isn't anything she'd be able to make a living at. Maybe she needed the year off to figure things out instead of going away.

Thanks to everyone for all the advice and help. As an outsider looking in I can think the parents need to stop coddling her and make her stay but I know more than likely if I had a kid that called me crying and wanting to come home, I would fold like a cheap umbrella.

@Lipstickdiva

What I don't understand is why this young woman has not been acclimating to being away from home ..... this idea about attending college just didn't come up last week!

Kids need age appropriate ways to gain life experiences that make them more "worldly" and confident. Blue Birds, Girl Scouts, camping, visiting relatives elsewhere .... any number of ways to see that kids can be away from home for a week or two and have those experiences under their belt. At age 10, I was at summer camp for 2 weeks .... and it was a great experience.

IMO, her parents should have been preparing her for this ... and real life ...... years ago.

yellowBeetle · ‎03-10-2010

Well, here is my opinion.

Each person is different. There is nothing wrong with someone who decides they do not want to be away from home during their college years! My husband, our son, and I all made the choice to attend college and commute from home. Now of course if there is no college nearby then that is a different story, although even then there are the online schools. We were lucky enough to have several choices nearby, within commuting distance.

I think some people - many people - simply enjoy being close to family and familiar surroundings. (And it also cuts down on the expense if that is a consideration.) When they finish school they most likely take jobs that keep them in their hometowns. Nothing wrong with that!!

Someone living at home and commuting can still participate in tons of extracurricular activities! I was in a sorority and also various other groups, attended lots of basketball, football games, etc. Never felt like I missed out on anything! My husband and son, too, were both very active on their respective campuses.

My mother went away to William and Mary for her first semester - this was many, many years ago - and said she got so homesick that she transferred to a school close to her parents and lived at home and commuted until she graduated.

We are not a one-size-fits-all society! Every person is unique! And some like to be at home during their college years!! It is OK! If this young girl does not feel comfortable - and if there are schools nearby - then why not let her live at home?

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I haven't read all the replies, so don't know if this idea has been explored or not.

Parents need to know their individual child. Some are more sensitive, or more likely to have trouble with change, than others.

Some kids are not mature enough, no matter how smart they are, to go off to college right out of high school, but should be enrolled in a local campus and live at home for another semester or year.

And there is a very fine line to walk with this kind of situation with some children. The parents should have been doing a little bit of tough love prior to sending them off to school, especially if they have any suspicion they might have this problem. The last thing you want to do is over respond to this and make them less likely to become independent, but you don't want them to feel so lost/overwhelmed that they choose to find solace/strength/relief in inappropriate ways like alcohol drugs or self harm.

There is no one who can know how to deal with this any better than her parents, as they know or should have known that this would be a possibility before she left.

Perhaps if family goes to her on Sundays, they get a meal out, shop or do something together, rather than let her come home for a week or two will help. It will make her have to stay on campus without them on Saturday, and she should be encouraged to study, do her laundry etc if she has nothing else to keep her occupied, then the family, after being in on campus for a few hours on Sunday, can leave.

Coming home is making her more homesick when she has to leave, waiting till Sunday to go to her instead gives her some time with family, but still makes her be on her own for Saturday.

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

@TenderMercies I totally disagree with you.Just my opinion but too many kids are forced to go away because their parents want them out.Also some kids leave because they want to get away from a bad home environment!!

Once again living home & going to college works for a lot of kids.For them it is still a whole learning experience.You can learn & grow & be independent & still live home.I know many kids who lived home & are more independent & responsible than kids who went away to school.

You don't have to go away to school to build character. You're still exposed to a diverse campus population.You still get to define yourself on your own terms!!

The college experience can be just as rewarding for those who stay home.It depends on the child & it depends on the parents.

TenderMercies · ‎06-03-2017

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
@TenderMercies I totally disagree with you.Just my opinion but too many kids are forced to go away because their parents want them out.Also some kids leave because they want to get away from a bad home environment!!
Once again living home & going to college works for a lot of kids.For them it is still a whole learning experience.You can learn & grow & be independent & still live home.I know many kids who lived home & are more independent & responsible than kids who went away to school.
You don't have to go away to school to build character. You're still exposed to a diverse campus population.You still get to define yourself on your own terms!!
The college experience can be just as rewarding for those who stay home.It depends on the child & it depends on the parents.

@NicksmomESQ You're totally right. It's much better for kids to stay home for college rather than to go away. I was totally wrong to suggest that going away to college is a better character building experience rather than staying home and living with your parents. Carry on.

roeroe1005 · ‎03-13-2010

My nephew was very homesick! He went to community college for 2 years and transferred to a state school. That lasted one year.

When Tom was away, he would call my sister or BIL crying! I'm talking about a 20 year old guy!! My BIL would say to him "come home" and my sister said "no way", even though it killed her. He would even text me, his aunt, telling me he missed me, couldn't wait to see me at holiday time. It freaked me out and I felt really bad for him.

For his final year, he finished at a local college.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

Well said, everything you said makes a lot of sense.

@SahmIam wrote:
I went away to college. I lasted one semester. Why?

*Drugs
*Booze
*Sex

All. The. Time. My roommate spent her time getting drunk and high and puking. Finding strange guys in my room was something that I became used to. From Thursday to Sunday, it was booze and drugs with sex here and there. The amazing thing was, once I said "No", I wasn't pressured. It was...surreal, lol. Still, it got old very quickly.

I did't come home for Thanksgiving simply because I had the chance to stay in a private house with others staying on campus (mainly seniors) and OMG what a difference from the freshman dorms!! When I went home for Christmas, I told my parents I was done and was going to college near by. Since I was paying for college, it really wasn't their decision. Looking back, maybe a different college would have offered a different experience but I lived at home, worked and went to college. Saved me a LOT of money too, in the end.

This girl may have all these issues going on. She may be suffering from major anxiety as well. At this point, SOMETHING is going on and as a parent, I would want to help my child instead of making things worse. Bring her home, try some therapy/talk over things/go to school locally, etc and go from there. Like everything else in life, you can't lump everyone into one category/label.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

shoekitty · ‎03-10-2010

I forgot this story. Two years ago my middle granddaughter, finished up her degree in los angeles. As anyone knows los angeles is expensive and apts are at a premium. Parking alone costs students 400@ month. Anyway, dorm fees were over 10,000 not to mention college tuition on top of that.!!! My granddaughter was assigned an apartment off campus with one other girl. My granddaughter got her side of room all set up. Her room mate was to be a new student fresh from high school from Tennessee. She had never been to los angeles, and then she came in , had a total melt down in the apt. With her parents there, she threw herself on floor and demanded to go home. True story! She said she didnt like los angeles, after being there 8 hours. Her parents took her home right away. They lost all their deposits, and fees Somewhere around 9,000 bucks. Then and there I think the parents should have taken her aside, have her calm down and give her a few days. Personally, I would have taken her to los angeles and the school, before they invested their time and money going there! What were they thinking? We often think of her, and bet she was a little sorry later. Who knows. I think later on, I might have regrets for not at least giving it the old college try. Lol!! But, that is me. The good part was my granddaughter had the whole place to herself for a couple of weeks The parents were not wealthy, and they did tell her they wouldn't get their money back this late in the game. But they turned around and started home that day!