Anyone have experience with homesick college kid? - Page 8

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

@KathyPet wrote:
So every time this young lady hits a bump in her life she is going to be able to run home to Mommy and Daddy? My mother would have told me to pull up my big girl panties and get over it.

I don't think anyone is saying that and I certainly wasn't saying that. But this is an 18 year old out of her parents' home for the first time in all new surroundings, new place to live, a schedule that is much different from what she is used to, etc. She had a job with co-workers she really liked. She has no vehicle because freshman can't have a vehicle so she's stuck.

I hope she adjusts and that her parents get a little tougher. She certainly has never seemed to me to be stuck to her parents' hips.

OTOH when my best friends boys went off to college, she said they never wanted to come home. LOL

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Lipstickdiva wrote:
@KathyPet wrote:
So every time this young lady hits a bump in her life she is going to be able to run home to Mommy and Daddy? My mother would have told me to pull up my big girl panties and get over it.
I don't think anyone is saying that and I certainly wasn't saying that. But this is an 18 year old out of her parents' home for the first time in all new surroundings, new place to live, a schedule that is much different from what she is used to, etc. She had a job with co-workers she really liked. She has no vehicle because freshman can't have a vehicle so she's stuck.

I hope she adjusts and that her parents get a little tougher. She certainly has never seemed to me to be stuck to her parents' hips.

OTOH when my best friends boys went off to college, she said they never wanted to come home. LOL

@Lipstickdiva

I read this thread very late last night and missed this .... too bad she wasn't able to take a few trips or something as a dry run for being on her own ... like visiting relatives out of town .... something like that.

It's possible that her parents really didn't think this through. It would have been nice if she'd been a little more mentally prepared for being on her own,

software · ‎06-08-2016

If your friend is telling the whole truth about it, (maybe the friend is struggling?) surely this is nothing new at the college. There must be clubs or groups of upper classmen who can take this freshman under their wing and help her transition.

Ask your friend to talk to one of the college counselors or administrators. They don't want drop outs. They will do whatever is necessary to help the student.

@Lipstickdiva

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Sooner wrote:
This just amazes me. Something is wrong now days when kids are so often this upset at getting out into adulthood. Sure it is scary but exciting and liberating at the same time.

Sorry but I think parents aren't doing a very good job of preparing kids to go out in the world. And doing them a huge disservice in doing so.

Isn't getting out on their own and able to cope with life what parenting is all about? Isn't that the point and the success?

@Sooner

ITA ....... Just about everything you do in parenting is supposed to prepare your child for the day they leave home to live their own lives .... and for the days when their parents are gone.

Mama Bears prepare her cubs for survival and when the time comes, she sends them up a tree ... and leaves. They finally come down when so hungry they need to find food and it's obvious Mama isn't coming back. Even Mama Bird feeds her babies worms and nutures them, all for the day they have to fly off and leave the nest. They have been known to push birdies out if they don't leave when the time comes. They are taught how to survive .... and then that's what they must do.

@Lipstickdiva I wonder if this school has some counselling for the kids that have a very tough time adjusting? Like others, I now wonder if this isn't a more serious problem, and it needs to be identified and dealt with.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

Black bears climb trees, brown bears don't.

In the animal kingdom, more often than not, when the offspring are of age, they just wander off on their own.

TenderMercies · ‎06-03-2017

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
I'm sorry but I have to disagree with most of you.Yes going away to college can be a great learning experience.But those who can't handle it aren't necessarily spoiled .
Staying home or coming home doesn't make these kids failures. Nor does it prevent them from learning life's lessons & becoming independent.My son & his BFF decided to stay home.My son attended the local highly rated University. He got in to a school where only 1/3 of the applicants are accepted.His friend attended a private college.
Both these kids got part time jobs/ internships,joined clubs etc.Today they're mature independent adults.They are working hard toward their goals.
They have friends who went away to college who didn't do as well in their studies because they partied to much.Some of them came home after graduation & are burdened with college debt & still haven't gotten jobs.They live home & mooch off of their parents 3 years later!!
Yes,I know not all kids do this.Many do well going away to school & mature.My point is that it's unfair to make generalizations. Some kids need to go away to school, & do better when they do. Others do better staying home. There isn't a right or wrong here.Every child is different!!
The important point here is not to judge.There is nothing to be ashamed of if your child wants to stay home & attend college.Nor is it embarrassing if they try it & don't want to stay.Adults change their minds why can't kids.It's part of their learning experience too!!

@NicksmomESQ I didn't see anyone being critical of kids who choose to stay home rather than going away to college, nor was that the point of the thread. However, I don't think anyone, anywhere would argue that the college experience is a more whole one for those who choose to stay home. There is certainly more value in terms of building character, fostering independence, planting roots in a new city, exposure to a more diverse residential atmosphere, and the ability to define yourself more on your own terms by going away.

sabatini · ‎06-29-2015

@NicksMom, that was a wonderful post, & you're right - moving away for college isn't for everyone.

Years ago, when I was a restaurant manager, I'd hired a sweet, attractive, bright & intelligent girl who'd just returned home from college after over a few years away from home. She was no shrinking violet either & was 'popular'.

She hadn't wanted to go away, but her parents had forced the issue, and she came home one huge, self destructive MESS.

She continued to work for me while attending a local college & university, and now, all these years later, is happy, healthy & a big success.

It simply wasn't for her.

Muddling through...

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

One, the parents should not enable her. It is not helpful. My mother had a rule – she would pay for college only if we went away because that was part of the experience, and when we went away we had to be gone at least a month before we came home the first time. We were close and remain very close. I had even considered not going away to college for a short time, but mother knew best. She also hated to see us leave, so she knew she needed to push us out of the nest so that she herself could begin to let go, too. It all went very well for me and I'm surprised how quickly and happily I adjusted. But I really admire my mother for her wisdom.

Two, one cannot overlook the possibility that this girl does have a need for some sort of counseling. Keeping their distance but setting up a regular appointment for the daughter with a university counselor would be one way to keep things moving and to be sure to rule out (or discover) any serious mental or emotional issues.

i feel for the parents and understand why they might want to keep rushing in to help your daughter. But something's got to give.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Just thinking out loud, as usual: Thinking back, I've noticed that sometimes they don't return (after graduation) to anywhere near their home towns or home cities. And sometimes (underline 'sometimes') the parents wish their adult children would have found careers more locally located. Just another thought of mine, right or wrong. .........p.s. As an after thought, I'm thinking that we could explore and decide which kind of parents that we are, and the family life we wish to have as we become older. Do we want family close by (grandchildren, etc.) or not mind that they live thousands of miles away. All parents' thoughts and wishes differ, as well as their adult children's thoughts and wishes. I think that discussing these possibilities ahead of time might be beneficial for many families, in the long run.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Ibby114 · ‎03-10-2010

@Lipstickdiva wrote:
@KathyPet wrote:
So every time this young lady hits a bump in her life she is going to be able to run home to Mommy and Daddy? My mother would have told me to pull up my big girl panties and get over it.
I don't think anyone is saying that and I certainly wasn't saying that. But this is an 18 year old out of her parents' home for the first time in all new surroundings, new place to live, a schedule that is much different from what she is used to, etc. She had a job with co-workers she really liked. She has no vehicle because freshman can't have a vehicle so she's stuck.

I hope she adjusts and that her parents get a little tougher. She certainly has never seemed to me to be stuck to her parents' hips.

OTOH when my best friends boys went off to college, she said they never wanted to come home. LOL

@LipstickdivaThat's what college is all about- growing up and becoming your own person. My son went to school under an hour from home. I assured him I wasn't going to be 'there' in his face all the time- I don't think he took me seriously because he called 2 weeks into the semester asking me if I was okay! There were times he truly needed me - beyond counselors, advisors, mentors etc. - and I was there. There are amazing resources at schools these days!! For the most part he figured out things himself and is successful and completely on his own now. (sniff! !!)