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01-11-2019 11:50 PM
She probably doesn't invite you since you told her you don't like the holidays. Talking about the holidays is a common thing. She's sharing what's going on in her life. I think if you want her to stop talking about it or to invite you, you are going to have to tell her. I don't think she's doing it to be hurtful.
01-12-2019 12:14 AM
You told her that you don't enjoy the holidays so, of course, she wouldn't invite you nor would she expect you to envy her holiday activities.
My friends know that I don't enjoy baseball so they don't invite me to go along to games but they do share the fun parts of the day just not a play by play.
I suggest you stop mourning what was and find something new. You've read that book, seen that movie but there are other books, other movies just as good.
01-12-2019 12:46 AM
You are a better friend than I. If a 'friend' of mine of 59 years had invited me to her home once in all of those years and then told me she liked the Olive Garden one better, I'd be OUT. That is not a friend.
My family has told me that,and I realized it and for awhile after that I did not call her and let her do the calling. Now she is 93, lost her husband and I was cjust was being kind. I had been to her home a lot in the 59 years, but only invited once for dinner.
01-12-2019 02:41 AM
I think you are over reacting. She is just telling you about her life. If this really bothers you then I would avoid her around the holidays. Make some plans next year - have something you really love for dinner, go see christmas lights, go to a concert, put up decorations, volunteer. There are many events during the Holiday season you could attend. My daughter lives in another state and we are never together on Christmas but I just make my own little party.
01-12-2019 03:32 AM
I do not think you are being too sensitive @Onefineday rather your friend is insensitive.
Some people are just too dense to put themselves in your place and they do not realize if the shoe was on the other foot how they would feel.
I also am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their "feelings" about a matter and no one can or should tell anyone how they are "supposed" to feel.
I agree with this. It makes you feel bad that she doesn't seem to put herself at all in your place....how it can be lonely with no family for the holidays. Perhaps you need to let her know how you feel.
@Onefineday We get together with my husband's sister & her family (husband & adult kids) for each Thanksgiving & Christmas. She has a close friend who lost her husband about 10 years ago. She has no other family and joins us for each holiday. When it's my turn to host I make sure she's invited too and she always comes!...she now an unoffical family member! She fits right in and I'm glad that she's not lonely for the holidays.
01-12-2019 06:53 AM
My father died in 2005. My mother passed many years before that. My sister has not been in touch with our family for many, many years. Since I have no other family, I no longer really enjoy the holidays. I have told my oldest friend this on several ocassions. She has a large extended family and the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas she tells me all about the great food she had, who was there, and after Christmas she goes through all the presents she received. I find this very insensitive - and rude. I can tell you if the situation was reversed I would not do this. However, I am wondering am I over reacting??
I have a really different take on this. I would not expect to be invited to family holiday dinners. They are for families to bond, remember growing up, make plans and talk about relatives you don't know. Me personally, I would be terribly uncomfortable at someone else's holiday family dinner.
She is your friend. I'm sure you two enjoy many outings and meals together at other times. She is simply sharing stories about her holiday and thinking you will enjoy hearing about it and be happy for her.
If she goes on a family vacation you wouldn't expect to be invited would you? The holidays are family time. I really think you have nothing to be upset about at all. Enjoy your friendship and be happy that she gets together with her family.
I never mentioned nor have I ever expected or wanted to be invited to her family dinners. I have found it rude that she carries on about her great holiday when she knows they are sad for me.
01-12-2019 06:56 AM - edited 01-12-2019 06:58 AM
@Onefineday I hope you can find a nice way to spend your next holidays. I am sorry they are so sad for you. If it is any comfort ,I have read ,many people ,feel just like you do, and dread the holidays.
If I were alone , I think I might find a nice film ,and a Chinese restaurant( they are open on Christmas).
01-12-2019 07:21 AM
Maybe by telling you about her holidays, it's her way of including you in the festivities since she knows you're alone. Have you told her it makes you uncomfortable?
If she really wanted to include the OP in the festivities she should be inviting her, not telling her about them after the fact.
01-12-2019 07:25 AM
As a widow, I was once invited to various functions by friends, as time worn on, the invitations slowly stopped coming.
You are unhappy, make yourself happy. No one can do that for you.
When your friend is stabbing you in the heart, why do you allow it? Gently change the subject or end the call with a polite excuse "dryer beeped, must hang laundry, talk again soon", that kind of thing.
I've experienced many losses, life changes. There is a whole different world out there during the holidays. Many people in your shoes. Reach out. Then you will both have something to talk about.
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