Am I being too sensitive? - Page 9

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@FrostyBabe1 wrote:
Yes, I do believe you're being too sensitive. My Dad died in 2005 as well, and Mom passed away less than 2 years later. I have a sister that lives in town, but we're not particularly close. If I were still moping about and not enjoying life to it's fullest 10+ years after their deaths, they'd be the first to reach out from the great beyond and smack me! I thoroughly enjoy the holidays on my terms, which is very low keyed and laid back. How other people enjoy them is up to them. I don't let anyone else's plans or descriptions of their celebrations affect me in the least. That's their holiday, not mine. Make an effort and you will find joy in many places that you never thought of.

yes my dad died over 20 years ago but I dealt with it and don't wallow in the death now, and my mother died maybe 8 years ago,

no reason to let those events impact us now,

SelahG · ‎11-06-2013

It is hard for me to say if you are over-reacting to maybe your friend's deliberate boasting at your expense ... which would be no friend at all, imo. Or is she left under the impression by your willingness to hear about her holidays, that you enjoy it? Could this be her way of trying to include you in some vicarious holiday cheer? An honest misguided attempt in your current situation.

If she is just a braggart in general, she is likely clueless to her insensitivity regarding your situation. If that is the case; I'd feel obliged to gently let her know before it destroys your long term friendship.

If she's not, it could be that your grief is yet too raw and you should perhaps speak with someone about that. I, like you and most here have suffered losses of loved ones. Holidays certainly do trigger aspects of grief. I have worked through my own to the point that I celebrate the true meaning of these holidays for myself. Others would prefer to just ignore them, which is fine, but if we can’t be happy for others joy in life, that usually means we have some healing to do.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@ScarletDove wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@ScarletDove wrote:
Well, you can either ruminate on it or let it go.....your choice!

There's a third choice. She can speak to this friend - someone she has known for a very long time - and explain how she feels. That's the only option that makes sense to me. Friends should be honest with each other.

@NYC Susan Yes indeed, friends should be able to be honest with each other, it just requires that each person is truly a caring friend, I have found out over the years who is a friend and who is a "fair-weather" friend.... We all see things differently based on our life experiences, but of course she can tell her friend about her feelings.

The OP hasn't shared anything that indicates there have been any other issues with this friend. How can we know who is truly caring if we don't give them a chance to correct behavior that they very well might not realize is hurtful?

I'm really surprised at all the posters here who are saying she's a terrible friend, the OP should drop her, etc. They've been friends for a very, very, long time. I can't imagine doing anything else other than speaking honestly to the friend. That would be the first thing I would do.

Of course not every friend is caring, and certainly there are fair-weather friends. But I would much rather have an honest conversation than simply fall back on, "ruminate on it or let it go". That's not fair to anyone when simple communication very well might clear the air and solve the entire problem.

1Snickers · ‎03-19-2016

My neighbor and I WERE good friends.

I fed her pets and got her mail for years when she was away.

We took trips together and were in the same clubs. I took care of her when she was ill because her sons lived elswhere.

Several years ago she decided to put up a split rail fence on her property lines. I talked to her when they were measuring for it.

When installed the fence was fine but then they were putting wire on my side, a terrible job and only several feet from my driveway. It cut my shrubs into (I could have removed them if asked).

I ran next door and told her the wire is on my side and looks terrible. She said it’s to keep your leaves out. ( I had been raking between our houses). She didn’t have time to look at it.

I told her I could put up a privacy fence on my side. She said “you can”. I asked many times for her to please fix or remove the wire or put it on her side. She wouldn’t talk to me.

I put up a 6’ privacy fence and had a hard time grinding stumps because of the wire. The bad side faces her house.

We don’t speak to each other unless it’s necessary.

A 45 year friendship is lost due to no communication.

Please talk to your friends and hope they will talk back.

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
@Lipstickdiva wrote:
The OP has said she doesn't want to be invited. That aside, good friend or not I cannot imagine inviting myself to someone's home for a family holiday gathering, as some of you had suggested. But then, I'd personally rather be home alone then spend a holiday with people I don't really know.

Personally I think the OP is being too sensitive. If that other woman is a friend, the OP should be happy for her. I love hearing about my friends' good fortune and successes. As a friend, I would want her to share her holiday memories with me.

If it's really that bad, tell your friend how you feel about her sharing her stories with you. If she's really your friend, she will understand.
I don't think the OP is being too sensitive. Of course you want your friends to be happy, but does that require sitting and listening to their tales of happy families when she has none?

Ridiculous. Her friend's happiness doesn't rest on the fact of her listening.

With a friend like this, who needs enemies.

@YorkieonmyPillow, not sure why you singled my post out since many others said they think the OP is being too sensitive as well.

I also like how you completely dismissed my last sentence about the OP telling her friend how she feels.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@LipstickdivaI didn't mean to single your post out - that was probably the last one I read before I posted.

No other reason.

I didn't address your last statement because I assume anybody with any kind of sense at all would already know better than to sit there, bragging about what a great holiday they had, to someone who is alone.

Although you're right, some people just don't stop and think, so I do agree with you.

RainCityWoman · ‎06-16-2015

@ellaphant wrote:
My father died in 2005. My mother passed many years before that. My sister has not been in touch with our family for many, many years. Since I have no other family, I no longer really enjoy the holidays. I have told my oldest friend this on several ocassions. She has a large extended family and the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas she tells me all about the great food she had, who was there, and after Christmas she goes through all the presents she received. I find this very insensitive - and rude. I can tell you if the situation was reversed I would not do this. However, I am wondering am I over reacting??

I don't think you are too sensitive, but I DO think she needs to know how the whole thing makes you feel. It's kind of hard for me to relate because I have no siblings, but I have always had friends and more distant relatives who have been thoughtful. Sorry for your sadness. I know how tough holidays can be.

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@ScarletDove wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@ScarletDove wrote:
Well, you can either ruminate on it or let it go.....your choice!

There's a third choice. She can speak to this friend - someone she has known for a very long time - and explain how she feels. That's the only option that makes sense to me. Friends should be honest with each other.

@NYC Susan Yes indeed, friends should be able to be honest with each other, it just requires that each person is truly a caring friend, I have found out over the years who is a friend and who is a "fair-weather" friend.... We all see things differently based on our life experiences, but of course she can tell her friend about her feelings.

The OP hasn't shared anything that indicates there have been any other issues with this friend. How can we know who is truly caring if we don't give them a chance to correct behavior that they very well might not realize is hurtful?

I'm really surprised at all the posters here who are saying she's a terrible friend, the OP should drop her, etc. They've been friends for a very, very, long time. I can't imagine doing anything else other than speaking honestly to the friend. That would be the first thing I would do.

Of course not every friend is caring, and certainly there are fair-weather friends. But I would much rather have an honest conversation than simply fall back on, "ruminate on it or let it go". That's not fair to anyone when simple communication very well might clear the air and solve the entire problem.

@NYC Susan Having a friend for a very long time, I would know if they were or were not a caring individual. I agree with what you state above, but lets not forget the way each of us handle our grief or emotions is different, some of us more sensitive than the other. What you are able to do and/or say vs. what I am able to do and/or say may be very different. Indeed simple conversation may well clear the air, but, unfortunately, not everyone is willing/able to make that happen given their individuality....

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@ScarletDove wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@ScarletDove wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@ScarletDove wrote:
Well, you can either ruminate on it or let it go.....your choice!

There's a third choice. She can speak to this friend - someone she has known for a very long time - and explain how she feels. That's the only option that makes sense to me. Friends should be honest with each other.

@NYC Susan Yes indeed, friends should be able to be honest with each other, it just requires that each person is truly a caring friend, I have found out over the years who is a friend and who is a "fair-weather" friend.... We all see things differently based on our life experiences, but of course she can tell her friend about her feelings.

The OP hasn't shared anything that indicates there have been any other issues with this friend. How can we know who is truly caring if we don't give them a chance to correct behavior that they very well might not realize is hurtful?

I'm really surprised at all the posters here who are saying she's a terrible friend, the OP should drop her, etc. They've been friends for a very, very, long time. I can't imagine doing anything else other than speaking honestly to the friend. That would be the first thing I would do.

Of course not every friend is caring, and certainly there are fair-weather friends. But I would much rather have an honest conversation than simply fall back on, "ruminate on it or let it go". That's not fair to anyone when simple communication very well might clear the air and solve the entire problem.
@NYC Susan Having a friend for a very long time, I would know if they were or were not a caring individual. I agree with what you state above, but lets not forget the way each of us handle our grief or emotions is different, some of us more sensitive than the other. What you are able to do and/or say vs. what I am able to do and/or say may be very different. Indeed simple conversation may well clear the air, but, unfortunately, not everyone is willing/able to make that happen given their individuality....

I think the basis of a good friendship is the ability to talk to each other honestly. If I felt someone wasn't caring and I didn't feel comfortable communicating with them, I wouldn't consider him or her to be a friend. Especially in this case when the OP and her friend have been through a lifetime together. If we can't speak honestly to our friends, who can we speak honestly to?

Obviously we see this differently. So let's just agree to disagree!

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@ScarletDove wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@ScarletDove wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@ScarletDove wrote:
Well, you can either ruminate on it or let it go.....your choice!

There's a third choice. She can speak to this friend - someone she has known for a very long time - and explain how she feels. That's the only option that makes sense to me. Friends should be honest with each other.

@NYC Susan Yes indeed, friends should be able to be honest with each other, it just requires that each person is truly a caring friend, I have found out over the years who is a friend and who is a "fair-weather" friend.... We all see things differently based on our life experiences, but of course she can tell her friend about her feelings.

The OP hasn't shared anything that indicates there have been any other issues with this friend. How can we know who is truly caring if we don't give them a chance to correct behavior that they very well might not realize is hurtful?

I'm really surprised at all the posters here who are saying she's a terrible friend, the OP should drop her, etc. They've been friends for a very, very, long time. I can't imagine doing anything else other than speaking honestly to the friend. That would be the first thing I would do.

Of course not every friend is caring, and certainly there are fair-weather friends. But I would much rather have an honest conversation than simply fall back on, "ruminate on it or let it go". That's not fair to anyone when simple communication very well might clear the air and solve the entire problem.
@NYC Susan Having a friend for a very long time, I would know if they were or were not a caring individual. I agree with what you state above, but lets not forget the way each of us handle our grief or emotions is different, some of us more sensitive than the other. What you are able to do and/or say vs. what I am able to do and/or say may be very different. Indeed simple conversation may well clear the air, but, unfortunately, not everyone is willing/able to make that happen given their individuality....

I think the basis of a good friendship is the ability to talk to each other honestly. If I felt someone wasn't caring and I didn't feel comfortable communicating with them, I wouldn't consider him or her to be a friend. Especially in this case when the OP and her friend have been through a lifetime together. If we can't speak honestly to our friends, who can we speak honestly to?

Obviously we see this differently. So let's just agree to disagree!