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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,739
Registered: ‎09-12-2010

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

No, I don't think you're overreacting at all. It's difficult for a lot of people to spend Christmas alone. Your friend is insensitive and for some reason doesn't seem to understand that you're alone. If she doesn't want to share the holidays with a friend who is outside her family then all you can do is accept it, but also steer her away from talking about how wonderful her holidays are. You aren't obligated to listen to her go on and on. Bless you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 44,368
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

[ Edited ]

Without actually knowing you both, it's impossible to say. On the face of it, your friend seems a bit insensitive if she gives a blow-by-blow of her holiday experiences knowing you can't share in the supposed 'good times'.... even more of a factor if she has any inkling that it bothers you. On the other hand, talking about what we do for holidays is something most people do with their firends. It's impossible to know the nuances of your relationship or of her behavior. It could be that you're a bit sensitive about it, but if it truly bothers you, maybe you should gently change the subject and simply tell her that because you don't have family with whom to enjoy the holidays it sometimes makes you sad when discussions of them are too detailed. Hoping things work out to a level where you will feel more comfortable with your friend.


In my pantry with my cupcakes...
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 84
Registered: ‎03-19-2016

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

@Onefineday. I don’t drive on the interstate to the Malls the traffic is dreadful! My friend used to drive and we would enjoy a day of shopping & lunch especially near Christmas.

Last year when she had been shopping with a daughter who drove 

She told me how beautiful the decorations were.

I mentioned this year WAY before Christmas how I would love to see the decorations and maybe my Son would take me. 

She went several times telling me what a great time they had. When I told my Son that, he Asked “When do you want to go?”then looked at his calendar.

He owns a business and would have to pay for someone to work, He did that 3 years ago for me. It was so nice of him but I felt guilty !

I told my friend he offered but between paying for an employeee to work and him not enjoying shopping, it wasn’t the same as with a daughter or friend. 

She replied “I went yesterday, the stores are beautiful”

i looked at her and told her “it isn’t important any more”.I can shop  the Military Exchange and no tax”. She was quiet. 

I think some people for some reason want to do things that we are not able to do, then tell us how wonderful it is. It’s like the carrot in the end of a stick in front of a horse. It’s there but he can’t have it.

You are not overreacting. My friend does the same thing and has many times. I finally realized not to let it bother me.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,491
Registered: ‎12-13-2010

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

OP here. Wow, so many replies. Thank you ALL for your replies, I really appreciate it!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,111
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Am I being too sensitive?


@Onefineday wrote:

My father died in 2005. My mother passed many years before that. My sister has not been in touch with our family for many, many years. Since I have no other family, I no longer really enjoy the holidays. I have told my oldest friend this on several ocassions. She has a large extended family and the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas she tells me all about the great food she had, who was there, and after Christmas she goes through all the presents she received. I find this very insensitive - and rude. I can tell you if the situation was reversed I would not do this.  However, I am wondering am I  over reacting?? 


I have a really different take on this.  I would not expect to be invited to family holiday dinners.  They are for families to bond, remember growing up, make plans and talk about relatives you don't know.  Me personally, I would be terribly uncomfortable at someone else's holiday family dinner.

 

She is your friend.  I'm sure you two enjoy many outings and meals together at other times.  She is simply sharing stories about her holiday and thinking you will enjoy hearing about it and be happy for her.  

 

If she goes on a family vacation you wouldn't expect to be invited would you?  The holidays are family time.  I really think you have nothing to be upset about at all.  Enjoy your friendship and be happy that she gets together with her family.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,615
Registered: ‎11-16-2014

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

I do not think you are being too sensitive @Onefineday rather your friend is insensitive.

 

Some people are just too dense to put themselves in your place and they do not realize if the shoe was on the other foot how they would feel.

 

I also am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their "feelings" about a matter and no one can or should tell anyone how they are "supposed" to feel.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,780
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: Am I being too sensitive?


@Onefineday wrote:

My father died in 2005. My mother passed many years before that. My sister has not been in touch with our family for many, many years. Since I have no other family, I no longer really enjoy the holidays. I have told my oldest friend this on several ocassions. She has a large extended family and the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas she tells me all about the great food she had, who was there, and after Christmas she goes through all the presents she received. I find this very insensitive - and rude. I can tell you if the situation was reversed I would not do this.  However, I am wondering am I  over reacting?? 


@Onefineday

 

As someone who spends her holidays alone, I think you are over-reacting.  Your friend should only talk gloom and doom to you over the holidays? She should not share her joy? 

 

It is your decision not to enjoy the holidays. You could just as easily choose to be happy and enjoy them. You don’t need to spend them with family in order to be happy over the holidays. It might take a new point of view but work with what you have instead of what is missing and the world becomes a brighter place.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,780
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

@qvcaddiction

 

You are a better friend than I.   If a 'friend' of mine of 59 years had invited me to her home once in all of those years and then told me she liked the Olive Garden one better, I'd be OUT.    That is not a friend.   

 

Wow.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,243
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

I understand where you’re coming from but I wouldn’t begrudge her the joy of sharing with you. As hard as it is when we’re missing out, it’s better to be happy for her. 

 

If you feel she’s bragging then that is insensitive but without knowing anything about your friendship, based on surface level, you could be if this is not a pattern. 

 

Doesnt make it any easier though. Hang in there 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,290
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

[ Edited ]

I would probably feel hurt if my friend did that.  It does seem kind of tone-deaf and insensitive.

 

However, if she's your oldest friend (and someone you know pretty well and care about), I think you should tell her how you feel.  Not in a long-drawn-out way and not as though you're accusing her of doing something awful.  Just let her know (well in advance of a holiday) that hearing about big family celebrations is difficult for you.

 

I doubt she's doing this to hurt you, and she can't fix it if she doesn't know it's a problem.  She probably has never looked at it from your point of view. 

 

Good friends are hard to find, and if she's been a good friend all this time in other ways, I would definitely clear the air in an honest and kind way.  As I've said here before many times, communication is everything.