@Silkeej wrote:
I am new to this thread, about six months ago my Husband of 58 years passed away and I felt lost, alone and didn't know what to do.His death was very sudden, we only had three days from his diagnosis till he passed, so there was no time to discuss anything. I had to in my grief plan his funeral, thank heavens years ago we had planned and paid for our funerals so I only had to contact the funeral home and follow what he wanted done and they took it from there. He was a veteran so he is in a National cemetary and was buried in his Army uniform. My only competiton in all the years we were married was his love for the service and all the years he served with many honors. I was his caretaker, so my days always had a purpose and things to do, now not so much. They should have a book just for widows to help you manuver the maze of things you have to do when your spouse passes away. The funeral home was a great help to me in finding out what I needed to do, who I needed to inform and a friend to lean on as well as I had my family but, unless you have walked this road you can't know what that person is going through. I like the idea of this thread and thought it would be nice to have ladies to chat with who know what I am going through and perhaps share ideas to get pass this feeling of emptiness. I think of him everday and all the happiness we shared, its so hard to even think of moving on.
Oh my dear friend, you are in good company here. We all understand as only those who have faced this trial can. I suppose I am about your age and lost my husband suddenly as you did yours; I was 37 and had three children. These sudden losses give us no time to prepare; we go immediately into shock which in my case lasted a few months. Didn't care about anything at that time, was a zombie;; people just looked like trees walking,
When reality finally sets in, we go into another stage, just routinely going through the necessities of the day without much thought about anything except our dear one. It was always such a relief when night came so I could forget about it all for a few hours but then the dreadful experience of having to face the grief all over again when I woke up. Food was not appealing, lost my appetite completely for several months.
It is so important to keep busy; helping someone else was what helped me the most. Also in my case, the children's needs were always there but often felt overwhelming.
Please realize that what you are going through is part of the grieving process; you are not going crazy although I'm sure that possibility has entered your mind as it did mine. .. Cry whenever you need to; don't hold it back as I did.for the sake of my children. I understood later that crying is there for a release and will help . Also being a part of a new widow's group in your community will certainly help ; you can form lasting bonds and some will become forever friends.
After a year, I was finally able to concentrate on other things and gradually things got better; made many new friends; at the two year period it seemed the worse of the grief process was behind me but you will never forget and he will always be in your heart.
I am able to look back with thanksgiving that I had this man in my life for 18 years, many don't have this. Every time our family comes to another milestone I think about how proud he would have been of his children, grandchildren and soon to come great grandchild. I hated what happened and that my children missed out so much by not having their Dad with them but have seen God work in ways I would never have seen otherwise. I found that now I can qualify to be a witness of His grace in my life and the assurance that one day we will again be reunited.with one another and with God.
So continue to take each day as it comes, dear, and do realize you are not alone and welcomed., not as a stranger but as a new friend..
Writing your thoughts down can't be beat for good therapy. Every one here plus all humanity has experienced or will eventually experience what you are now and many have come through as ,more caring and concerned people; in the meantime it is a painful process but you will come through, stronger, even though you don't think so now.
By the way, you can purchase books on grief on line; there are many good ones out there, from those who have experienced it first hand.. I had a ton of books and passed most of them eventually to others; they were a real help. If you need any suggestions perhaps some here could be of help.
A big cyber hug to you, dear friend. Hope to talk to you again soon.
HiLo
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