Among Friends

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[Silkeej]

I am new to this thread, about six months ago my Husband of 58 years passed away and I felt lost, alone and didn't know what to do.His death was very sudden,  we only had three days from his diagnosis till he passed, so there was no time to discuss anything. I had to in my grief plan his funeral, thank heavens years ago we had planned and paid for our funerals so I only had to contact the funeral home and follow what he wanted done and they took it from there.  He was a veteran so he is in a National cemetary and was buried in his Army uniform. My only competiton in all the years we were married was his love for the service and all the years he served with many honors.   I was his caretaker,  so my days always had a purpose and things to do, now not so much.  They should have a book just for widows to help you manuver the maze of things you have to do when your spouse passes away. The funeral home was a great help to me in finding out what I needed to do, who I needed to inform and a friend to lean on as well as I had my family but, unless you have walked this road you can't know what that person is going through.   I  like the idea of this thread and thought it would be nice to have ladies to chat with who know what I am going through and perhaps share ideas to get pass this feeling of emptiness. I think of him everday and all the happiness we shared,  its so hard to even think of moving on.

[snappyfrappy]

Dear Silkeej, oh dear friend. You have come to a place where everyone has walked in your shoes. Some for many years, others quite recently widowed. Don't you hate that word? You will always find a welcome here, and someone to listen if you just need to vent. No judgment, no right or wrong way to grieve. We love you and I extend my deepest sympathy to you in your very great loss. No warning must make it tougher. More of a shock. It is wonderful that you had already planned and paid for the funeral, and that the people were so helpful to you. Thank you for the service he rendered to our country for so long. I'm glad he was honored for that. Glad you have family. They are also grieving and sometimes that stirs up conflict.

It is way too soon to be thinking about "moving on". You will do that in your time and way. One day at a time is how we all get through this. Or one minute at a time if that's all we can do. Be sure to drink enough water, and eat and rest as much as you need to.

My hubby went Home on October 17, 2010, nearly five years ago, but it seems like last week. He had been ill with cancer and Parkinsons and heart trouble. He died in our bedroom under hospice, and by then it was a relief for me. His suffering was over. It had been so long. He died 3 weeks before our 58th anniversary. There are books on grief, and support groups at churches and other places. Not everyone wants or needs that, but it's helpful to some.

I would suggest getting outside a few minutes each day just to see and feel the sun and flowers. Sometimes it helps to get out to a store to be around others even for a little while.

The empty feeling is something we all understand. We have lost our other half. It feels like an amputation. Where is my other half? I know I have come quite a ways now. I don't feel quite like that most of the time. It helps me greatly that my DD who is 55 lives here. I sold the house to her last year so when I'm called Home, she will not have to sell and move. It helps me to not be responsible for everything anymore.

You will find comfort and encouragement here from others who know what it's like to be without out hubbies. And you will be able to offer that same help to others. Yes, you will. Our Fran always says, "be gentle with yourself", and so I say that to you. Many of us pray and I will remember you before the Lord. Thank you for trusting us. I am so sorry.

snappy