Would you take sister in??? - Page 4

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

Technically she is your sister but in actuality she is nothing but a stranger to you. If a stranger contacted you with this same situation would you feel obligated to help?? I sure wouldn't. The idea that just because she is your sister you should help is unrealistic.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@hoosieroriginal wrote:
Don't judge your sister just because her kids don't talk to her - you may not know the situation. Kids aren't always sweet and loving.

I believe she's judging her sister by whatever their relationship was like before they stopped speakig many many years ago. There was a reason for the break and OP should remember that. She doesn't owe her sister anything. At this point, they barely know each other,

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

O/P: I'd first look into gov. assistance facilities near your home. That is, if her adult children aren't addressing the issue. Call or walk into the facilities, ask questions to see whether or not she will qualify. In fact, to make it easier, those gov. handbooks for seniors would give you a few suggestions. Usually local senior community centers offices have them available. You'll be surprised at the options that are offered for folks that cannot afford to pay for it themselves. (Several very nice, low-cost, and/or sliding scale senior apts. in many areas. Please take a look. Having your sister living nearby (and not necessarily in your home) will be a win-win situation, imo. Lots of events going on, other seniors to have as friends, etc.) It's worth looking into.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@ROMARY wrote:
O/P: I'd first look into gov. assistance facilities near your home. That is, if her adult children aren't addressing the issue. Call or walk into the facilities, ask questions to see whether or not she will qualify. In fact, to make it easier, those gov. handbooks for seniors would give you a few suggestions. Usually local senior community centers offices have them available. You'll be surprised at the options that are offered for folks that cannot afford to pay for it themselves.

O good heavens, I could not disagree more. It's none of her business and since she doesn't know anything about her sister's income or resoruces or what the sister wants or does not want; it would be meddling and her sister definitely would not appreciate it. She and the sister have been estranged for many, many years. Nothing good can happen for OP by entangling herself in a situation that is simply no concern of hers.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

I believe O/P said that her sister wants to live in O/P's town. Of course, I'd first have a chat with her adult children, just to see what the situation is, etc. I wouldn't just 'step in' and take over, for sure. Well, it's just a thought.........O/P posted here for various opinions, etc. The best of luck to all concerned.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

TeezNu · ‎03-10-2010

No. No. No.

For all the reasons you mentioned in your OP, in addition to most of the subsequent posts advising you not to. Nothing good will come of it....for you.

Your life will never be the same, and I don't mean that in a good way.

I would stay out of it, or at most, contact her kids to make sure they know the circumstances. They need to step up and make some sort of arrangements.

(I speak from experience with dysfunctional elderly relatives at the end of their lives.)

“There are two ways to be rich: One is by acquiring much, and the other is by desiring little.” —Jackie French Koller

ladyroxanne · ‎03-09-2010

sadly, i would have to say no. it's not your fault that she alienated her children. they're the ones who should be watching out for her.

also, it doesn't sound like she contacted you directly. that speaks volumes to me,

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@sarahpanda, I would not offer to take her in. You can provide information to her about where to look for accommodations but end it there.

I have one sister who is such a drama queen that I have stopped the visiting. Believe me, it wasn't me visiting her, it was the other way around. After a few choice words and hanging up on me, I saw nothing of this sister for ten years. When I built my new home, she found me and ended up on my doorstep for a visit. I was polite, showed my home and she left. I thought about all the trouble she causes and thought, no, not doing this again.

I wrote a polite note declining her initiative to reconnect and wished her well in her retirement. I see her at family gatherings and am always polite. She never asked why. She knows why. She invited me to her son's wedding, a son I have never met. I sent a cheque and didn't go.

I spent a good deal of my life putting up with some people that just aren't worth the effort. This to get along in the professional world and to keep the family peace. My retirement years are going to be spent with people who bring me enjoyment. No malice here.

I am so happy I did what I did. Good luck to you. Don't sacrifice your well being to accommodate someone who never made you a priority in her life. Help her but don't take her in.

Best wishes. LM

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

@sarahpanda: you are right. She wants to come and live with (or off) you. What on earth would be her reason to suddenly want to move to your town, saying she could not afford her own living arrangements there? Leave the ball squarely in her court. Ask her lots of questions about why she wants to move there, what she has in mind. LISTEN. Do not offer solutions. She must make a real effort before you decide to assist her. If her M.O. is to guilt you, you will know what to expect going forwarsd Her life, let her try to deal with it first. Good idea to speak with her kids if you can and have them be aware of their mother's plans.

My sister has eight siblings. Did not ask any of us to take her in. She has no job and little in terms of resources. Burned many bridges over the years. She is also an expert on .identifying who will do for her. She has gone to live with our 93 year old aunt in her house. Aunt is the only one who "feels sorry for her". I apparently do not give her monetary handouts so she has no use for me. Oh well.

Good luck. Remember: your sister may suddenly be in a hurry to move near you and your other sister. You are not. Take things slowly.

AKgirl2 · ‎05-24-2016

IMO this is a matter of conscience, being mindful and compassion. I would at least look into keeping a roof over her head, and a decent quality of life.