Would you take sister in??? - Page 6

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

I'm sure it was difficult to do so. but I'm so glad that you took this stand.

What I've observed is that when it comes to toxic people, you take it until you just can't take it anymore! Your sister made her own bed .... what she did with you is inexcusable. Glad you're okay.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

This might happen to me at some point, although I doubt it because my sister hates my guts. But she's been living with our maternal unit for 22 years now and she has no income.

If maternal unit passes, I'm sure she will leave her home to my sister. She won't be able to pay taxes on it - the home itself is paid-for - so the county will get it and then what?

I would take the onery old thing in but if she didn't treat me right she would be living in a tent. Doubt she would even ask, though. And if she is stupid enough to lose the house I may not take her in, anyway, because I would have to financially support her and I wouldn't put that on my husband.

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

It is interesting to see the replies to OP. I can't help but think that those who advise OP to take sister might not really understand how bad a family relationship can get. I used to think that I had to grin and bear it when my sister visited, which was way too frequent for me. I was her hotel in the City. Then, after ten years of no contact, she shows up on my doorstep like no time had passed, like she never swore at me and hung up in my ear and on and on.

Both of my parents are gone now. I don't have to consider their wishes any more. Most of the rest of my family will have nothing to do with her. I never became hostile. I just told her I didn't want to reconnect and wished her the best. That awful feeling in my gut is gone now. I have two other family members who wish they could do what I did. It may be hard to say no one time but it was a lot easier than sucking it up visit after visit with no end in sight.

If you get along with all of your family, you are in an envious position. Sadly, there many situations that are bad.

My advice to OP is to follow your heart. I did and I am so much more at peace.

Best of luck OP. I will say a prayer for you. LM

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Kachina624 wrote:
Call your county senior services office and get information on subsidized housing, nursing homes, meals on wheels, medical services... anything she'd need and be ready if she asks to move in. You can help her get around and use available services but I wouldn't allow a stranger to cause upheaval in my and my family's lives. If she proves to be pleasant, include her in family activities. If she's not, you're under no obligation.

You may be more obligated than you think. There are LOTS of legal issues here. This stuff doesn't just happen. If you start checking on services and such, you have no legal authority to make agreements or sign her up for anything. IF you start dabbling in financial arrangements you CAN be legally responsible for things.

If she receives social security benefits, are you going to handle that? There are legal responsibilities and steps to that. And yes, you can be held accountable and accused of "robbing" an elderly person--even if you aren't out to do that. Taxes, bank accounts, etc???? Medicare and dr. bills?

Old people sometimes go to the dr., eye dr. hairdresser, grocery store, etc. more than I have hot lunches, so car service IS a big deal.

The nursing home or assisted living facility will depend on SOMEONE to provide answers and make decisions and that can be a very time consuming process.

If she moves to your town and you are IT, you'd better think LONG and hard about the obligations and responsibilities and how many times you can stand to get phone calls.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

You never said how she sent a message, or why she wants to move to your town

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Isobel Archer wrote:
So when there is a family member who does not "deserve" help it's fine to turn her away.

Because after all, that is what the government is for right? To pay for people - all people - no matter what.

And the very same folks who advise against spending any personal money to help this sister/mother, would expect the government to spare no expense to provide her all kinds of services - transportation, housing, medical care, food, etc. etc.

It is apparently hateful to make any judgments at all about recipients of government benefits - but just fine to make them when it's a person right in front of you. Because government funds are unlimited and should never be refused to those asking for them, but now personal funds - well that's just another story entirely.

Does no one see the problem here?

I see a lot of problems here. But they are problems other than the ones you see.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
This might happen to me at some point, although I doubt it because my sister hates my guts. But she's been living with our maternal unit for 22 years now and she has no income.

If maternal unit passes, I'm sure she will leave her home to my sister. She won't be able to pay taxes on it - the home itself is paid-for - so the county will get it and then what?

I would take the onery old thing in but if she didn't treat me right she would be living in a tent. Doubt she would even ask, though. And if she is stupid enough to lose the house I may not take her in, anyway, because I would have to financially support her and I wouldn't put that on my husband.

@YorkieonmyPillow

LOL at "maternal unit"! I have one of those.......

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

ALRATIBA · ‎07-15-2016

For me and my sister and brother ... not a problem. We'd all do whatever is necessary for each other.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

She is a stranger to you. You are only connected by DNA. You owe her nothing.

viva923 · ‎03-12-2010

There is no way i would have my sisters come and live with me. I have 3 sisters who I have no spoken to since early 90's (my mom's funeral). They always told me I was a zero according them. I didn't give them prestige or my husband wasn't good enough for them. When my parents estate was divided up, i got 8 snapshot pictures, they got the rest. the 3 of them were money grabbers from word go.

I do facebook occasionally their children (which is very far and few between).