Re: Would this get under your skin

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

I see only one solution then, @mintedrose , cut her out of your life.

Don't take or answer her calls/texts/emails, don't invite her over, and if she unexpectedly stops by, tell her that it isn't a good time, and shut the door in her face.

She can only abuse you, if you allow her to.

Someone else can start taking care of her.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@mintedrose

No, you don’t get over it, and it doesn’t stop hurting.

Sadly some people seem to enjoy hurting others, some physically, some emotionally, some both. I don’t think you can ever figure out why they do it, but you can decide how you are going to react to it in a way that keeps you whole.

Good Luck!

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@Puppy Lips wrote:
Oh wow. I can't believe a mother would say that to her child. Well, yes, I guess I can. But that was really rude of her. How did your Mom do compared to your neice? Did your Mom become a doctor? I tend to be very defensive and might have thrown that back in her face. But at this point, if it were me, I think I would just tell her that her comments were hurtful, and try to distance myself from her. Just move on and be extra kind to other people to pay it forward.

My thoughts exactly. Why does she think she can say hurtful things to you and not expect you to get upset? How successful was she at the same age? Anyway to keep the peace I probably would not say that but would let her know that those types of comments are hurtful and not appreciated.

My own myother can say some not so pleasant things to me as well and it has made me very upset in the past so I understand.

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

Yes, if my mother had said that to me, it would have bothered me a lot. It was rude and insensitive, and we don't like to think that our mothers would treat us like that. If it was me, I'd probably tell her that her comments were hurtful and out of line, and then I'd back off totally from her. You need some time away from her. Keep telling yourself that you will not let her bait you into any more of her nonsense.....and stay away from her for awhile. I'm sending good wishes to you that you'll think positively about yourself. She's the one with the problem - not you.

Skyegirl21 · ‎03-20-2010

I’m sorry- that’s hurtful and unnecessary. Maybe she doesn’t realize how it feels...

I would calmly ask her not to compare you to anyone else. Ask her how it would make her feel to be compared to (insert here a successful sibling or friend). Or instead, just compare her to someone so she can feel it! Maybe she will realize it is unkind-

I hope you are happy with the life you have created (or are creating) for yourself. If so, tell her that! If she still continues then put space between you-

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

Your Mother hit one of your triggers, so that is why you feel the way you do. You can't let her get in your head like that. Just focus on you, because anytime you compare yourself or your life circumstance with anyone else it is never based in reality. Just be you that is enough!

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@mintedrose I think you need to tell your mother how hurtful her words were to you. If you don't, she will continue with comparing and this will upset you and cause anxiety.

kindness is strength

mom2four0418 · ‎04-23-2010

@mintedrose wrote:
@chrystaltree

I dont always take barbs and insults. I am not a push-over. And yes she says hurtful things to me ALL the time. When i was 23, she was living with me and i was supporting her while working full time at a job i hated. Yes, i was my fault because i never thought about my life, she needed help and i wanted to help. At one point i had it and That is why she no longer lives with me. First time I invited her at my house after i got married, she insulted me in front of my mother in law in a non chalant way. It was the first things she shared about me and it was an absolute insult! The next day i told her i didnt appreciate it in a nice manner and she made a big fuss about it. She blamed me for being too ****** sensitive and that everyone is afraid to talk to me.

She comes to me with problems all the time crying and i help her in any way i can because i do love her a lot. Somehow when i talk back, it comes back to me as if Im the abuser. I feel like she's made me the enemy because i do that. Now everyone see's me as if im abusing her but nobody knows that she's saying these things to me. What am i supposed to do? Tell everyone that she's the one who's provoking this? She's getting older and lives by herself now. I worry for her.

She's always been emotionally oblivious to my feelings ever since i was a child. You would think that i should get used to it but I havent. its always comes as sudden attack most of the time when im happy. She just never understood me.

Why should you have to get used to it? You have said that this verbal abuse has gone on your entire life. She will never change, so you need to. Limit your contact with her and set boundaries. A good therapist can help you do that if you are willing to do the work. You matter!

“The soul is healed by being with children.”
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

You are an adult & you have a right to stand up for yourself.You should tell your mother how you feel. Then put some distance between the two of you. That will let her know that she can no longer kick you around.

Many years ago when DH was 20 years old his father passed away. At the wake his uncle walked up to him & told DH that he was a complete failure & would never amount to anything.Boy was he wrong!!

Words can hurt but they can only cause damage if you let them!! Go live your life.Be the best you that you can be!! Be happy.Let your mother be miserable.

Ketra · ‎02-16-2018

@mintedrose wrote:
My mom compares me to my 22 years old niece. Let me say She is doing very well and already on her way to med school. Im very proud of her. However, the other day my mom said something like this, "oh she doing so much better than you when you were her age, and she's gonna go so much higher in life than you ever did. Well, your situation was just different".

I dont know about you but that really struck a nerve in me. Why? because when i was growing up, i was not allowed to do ANYTHING. I had dreams too but i wasnt allowed to live my life. Lets just say I was not only invisible to them but also someone they really didnt care for. And of course with my niece they're very different.

I dont wanna be compared to her because shes like my child to me. I just cant seem to shrug it off and i cant say anything to my mom because then she'll say that IM the one being hurtful. I was having such a great time on my trip and now i just feel down, deflated and just like a big fat loser in life.

I’m so sorry your mother says such mean and hurtful things. She is not treating you respectfully and it seems trying to be hurtful. Does she have dementia or other mental problems that might cause this? Do not feel sad or let her undermine your self confidence. It sounds like that is what she is trying to do. Don’t give her the satisfaction. She obviously has some sort of problem or she wouldn’t feel the need to belittle you in order to pay your niece a compliment. Limit your time with her and enjoy your life. If she can’t be nice and treat you respectfully stop putting up with it. You don’t have to keep enduring that.