Would this get under your skin - Page 2

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

I am sorry for the way your mother treats you. It is rude, inappropriate, and uncalled for. Continue to be yourself doing what makes you happy and ignore your mother. If she continues I would tell her I am very happy with my life and pleased with what I have achieved. Her opinion shouldn't even matter.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I have never had to deal with being compared to anyone, but I have years of experience with my mother remembering, or seeing things, far differently than how I remember, or see them. And this is not a dementia related issue with my mom; she’s been this way my whole life.

Even tho this is coming from your mother, as a grown woman, you should not let her get to you so much. Establish your boundary with her and stick to it.

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

Of course you are hurt. One does not expect such a put-down from your own mother.

I am sure you realize that a formal education in whatever does not define your worth as a person. It only says a person had the opportunity and will, combined with appropriate intelligence, to complete schooling. I don’t know about any opportunities you had, but it is always possible to go back to school. If you really want to, you can make it happen. Even a course a semester might make you feel better about yourself.

And if your mother tries this again, I think I would say, “Mom, I don’t know why you are hurting my feelings.” Put her on the spot. If she protests, say “Would you like it if I tried to hurt you?”

Pqfan · ‎03-09-2010

I probably would cry because that is what I do.

I am glad that you still love your niece the same and not let what your mom said change that.👍❤️🌸

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

my Father would say stupid things like that.... about a friend who did this better or that..... I remember him saying it.... just another bad memory thanks to a parent.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

What a sad situation for you. Your mom may actually be musing about her own failings. I would just tell her, “Well, I had a different upbringing” or even specify that your niece has had more support from HER parents than you had. Period. I have learned to be honest and direct, and my dear mother and I have finally been able to directly talk about issues, which has been freeing for both of us and brought us closer.

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@mintedrose

Well you could start a dialogue with your mother. Mention that conversation and again praise your niece. Then tell your mother it bothers you why she compared your life at 22 to that of your niece's. Then calmly tell her how and why. If she starts telling you about being hurtful, interrupt her and say you just wanted to make her aware of how you feel and after this point do not intend on mentioning it again.

It probably may not sink in with her or solicit an apology; but you will have said your piece and hopefully give her food for thought.

Puppy Lips · ‎05-09-2010

Oh wow. I can't believe a mother would say that to her child. Well, yes, I guess I can. But that was really rude of her. How did your Mom do compared to your neice? Did your Mom become a doctor? I tend to be very defensive and might have thrown that back in her face. But at this point, if it were me, I think I would just tell her that her comments were hurtful, and try to distance myself from her. Just move on and be extra kind to other people to pay it forward.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

My experience you can't change your parents. Does that ever happen?

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@mintedrose wrote:
My mom compares me to my 22 years old niece. Let me say She is doing very well and already on her way to med school. Im very proud of her. However, the other day my mom said something like this, "oh she doing so much better than you when you were her age, and she's gonna go so much higher in life than you ever did. Well, your situation was just different".

I dont know about you but that really struck a nerve in me. Why? because when i was growing up, i was not allowed to do ANYTHING. I had dreams too but i wasnt allowed to live my life. Lets just say I was not only invisible to them but also someone they really didnt care for. And of course with my niece they're very different.

I dont wanna be compared to her because shes like my child to me. I just cant seem to shrug it off and i cant say anything to my mom because then she'll say that IM the one being hurtful. I was having such a great time on my trip and now i just feel down, deflated and just like a big fat loser in life.

@mintedrose As someone who lost my Mom several months ago, walking away would never be an option. You can’t ever change what people say to you. You can only change the way you react to it. Take it with a grain a salt, breathe deeply and rely on your own self-worth.