Would this get under your skin - Page 5

Ketra · ‎02-16-2018

@mintedrose wrote:
@chrystaltree

I dont always take barbs and insults. I am not a push-over. And yes she says hurtful things to me ALL the time. When i was 23, she was living with me and i was supporting her while working full time at a job i hated. Yes, i was my fault because i never thought about my life, she needed help and i wanted to help. At one point i had it and That is why she no longer lives with me. First time I invited her at my house after i got married, she insulted me in front of my mother in law in a non chalant way. It was the first things she shared about me and it was an absolute insult! The next day i told her i didnt appreciate it in a nice manner and she made a big fuss about it. She blamed me for being too ****** sensitive and that everyone is afraid to talk to me.

She comes to me with problems all the time crying and i help her in any way i can because i do love her a lot. Somehow when i talk back, it comes back to me as if Im the abuser. I feel like she's made me the enemy because i do that. Now everyone see's me as if im abusing her but nobody knows that she's saying these things to me. What am i supposed to do? Tell everyone that she's the one who's provoking this? She's getting older and lives by herself now. I worry for her.

She's always been emotionally oblivious to my feelings ever since i was a child. You would think that i should get used to it but I havent. its always comes as sudden attack most of the time when im happy. She just never understood me.

It sounds to me like your mother says these hurtful things because she is jealous of you. Not a healthy thing for a mother to be. Were you very close to your father? Maybe she resented that? Or the fact that you can earn a living on your own and she couldn’t do that. She has a definite animosity towards you that a mother who loves her daughter should not have. I would not let my mother’s mental problems ruin my life. You have to finally stand up to her and not put up with the disrespect anymore. If you don’t, you will lose all self respect and be miserable the rest of your life. Tell her she either starts to treat you respectfully and be nice or you won’t see her anymore. If she can’t do that, follow through!

mintedrose · ‎03-04-2017

@Ketra I hate to think its jealousy. I just wonder if for whatever reason she just doesnt really like me at all. Maybe she gets annoyed by me and thinks im a whiny weak person and cant stand it that im a bit sensitive to others feelings. She does that to my sisters too. She has her favorites and that is my brother. He can never do wrong even if he's hurtful.

I think everyone who said to take a break from the relationship is right. I do love and care her a lot but she always makes me sad. If its not direct barbs at me then she's always telling me gruesome sad stories about others or the world. Its never positive. When i am away, i am a lot more happier.

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop

FrostyBabe1 · ‎05-09-2016

To be perfectly honest @mintedrose , the thing that would really get under my skin would be if I were a member of your family and read all of the complaints that you've posted about them here.

From your husband, who "drives you nuts" because he doesn't like to go out, to your SIL who you say got too involved with your wedding and 6 years later you still "can't stand her", to your MIL who was nice at first but now you think she's trying to get between you and your husband, to your sister who wasn't as supportive as you wanted her to be when you had a rough time, to now your mom - there's something wrong with all of them. Really? REALLY? C'mon now. If we were to talk to them about you, what would they say?

The only person responsible for your happiness is you. So whatever it is, change it. You're in your 30's. Get the education you wanted. Get a different job if that's what you want. Get therapy if you need it. Do what you need to do. Everyone has crappy people in their lives. Blaming them for your unhappiness, and that is exactly what you're doing, will not solve a thing.

Yes, yes, I know - we're supposed to be all sweetness and light and "oh you poor thing" here. But sometimes, someone has to step up and say "take a look in the mirror because it's a two way street".

I wish you the best, I really do. But first you need to stop blaming them and follow your own path.

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

Surely I am not the only person on this earth who sets boundaries with the people in my life?

I decided long ago not to let family and friends get to me; have never had a major problem with either. Sensitivity is not one of my endearing qualities.

FrostyBabe1 · ‎05-09-2016

@RedTop wrote:
Surely I am not the only person on this earth who sets boundaries with the people in my life?

I decided long ago not to let family and friends get to me; have never had a major problem with either. Sensitivity is not one of my endearing qualities.

I once had a staff member who started out our relationship by crying in my office, claiming that her team members were "mean" to her because she's "sensitive". I made it very clear that her "sensitivity" was up to her to deal with. That was the end of that.

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

mintedrose · ‎03-04-2017

@FrostyBabe1 Thank you and i appreciate you following along. But, i think you're very confused. Im not holding anyone responsible for my happiness, just venting. You dont know what some people go through in their lives when there's trauma. Its called PTSD. You may have no idea and for you to sit there and judge me and mock me is ridiculous.

Since you do follow along, I am surprised you didnt mention my other sil or my other sisters who do confide in me because they experiences the same. I love my dh and yes there's annoyances just like any other couple but we still love and support each other. Family is a whole other ball game and many here understand what im talking about.

I sure hope YOU, your dh and your family are perfect. I really do. And if it isnt, for your sake, I hope God will find a way to show YOU what it feels like for others who are going through it just so YOU understand what its like rather than mocking them. Maybe you know in your heart that you never knew real happiness and it made you inconsiderate, bitter and hard towards others. Now thats SAD!

Until it happens to YOU, you dont have a darn clue!!!

God bless you @FrostyBabe1 you really need it

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop

FrostyBabe1 · ‎05-09-2016

@mintedrose wrote:
@FrostyBabe1 Thank you and i appreciate you following along. But, i think you're very confused. Im not holding anyone responsible for my happiness, just venting. You dont know what some people go through in their lives when there's trauma. Its called PTSD. You may have no idea and for you to sit there and judge me and mock me is ridiculous.

Since you do follow along, I am surprised you didnt mention my other sil or my other sisters who do confide in me because they experiences the same. I love my dh and yes there's annoyances just like any other couple but we still love and support each other. Family is a whole other ball game and many here understand what im talking about.

I sure hope YOU, your dh and your family are perfect. I really do. And if it isnt, for your sake, I hope God will find a way to show YOU what it feels like for others who are going through it just so YOU understand what its like rather than mocking them. Maybe you know in your heart that you never knew real happiness and it made you inconsiderate, bitter and hard towards others. Now thats SAD!

Until it happens to YOU, you dont have a darn clue!!!

God bless you @FrostyBabe1 you really need it

Ah yes. We don't like what's being said so we attack the messenger. That's all the response I'm going to lower myself to. I hope you get the help you need and find a way to make your life better.

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

mom2four0418 · ‎04-23-2010

wrote:
@FrostyBabe1 Thank you and i appreciate you following along. But, i think you're very confused. Im not holding anyone responsible for my happiness, just venting. You dont know what some people go through in their lives when there's trauma. Its called PTSD. You may have no idea and for you to sit there and judge me and mock me is ridiculous.

Since you do follow along, I am surprised you didnt mention my other sil or my other sisters who do confide in me because they experiences the same. I love my dh and yes there's annoyances just like any other couple but we still love and support each other. Family is a whole other ball game and many here understand what im talking about.

I sure hope YOU, your dh and your family are perfect. I really do. And if it isnt, for your sake, I hope God will find a way to show YOU what it feels like for others who are going through it just so YOU understand what its like rather than mocking them. Maybe you know in your heart that you never knew real happiness and it made you inconsiderate, bitter and hard towards others. Now thats SAD!

Until it happens to YOU, you dont have a darn clue!!!

God bless you @FrostyBabe1 you really need it

Just try to ignore the unkind posts and know that many here have experienced what you have. I hope that you will consider seeing a therapist. You can speak freely without being judged.

“The soul is healed by being with children.”
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

Some people just seem to think they can say hurtful things and get away with it. I am sure she knows exactly what she is saying. All you can do is to confront her nicely and ask why she feels the need to hurt you. If she tries to tell you she did not mean anything by it, tell her you know that is not true again nicely. I assure you she won't change but maybe getting it off your chest will help you.