Among Friends

[geezerette]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

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@CrazyDaisy wrote:

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

Personally, I have to believe that there was a valid reason that Dad only made the OP executor of his estate, rather than her AND her brother.

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Most lawyers will recommend that one person be named as an executor.  While all involved can have a say it what goes on, there needs to be one person to make the final decision.

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@CrazyDaisy 

I guess it depends on the attorney/state, but we did our wills, etc. a couple of years ago and she recommended we assign 2, in the event that one couldn't serve for whatever reason.

She recommended we choose 'Jane Smith' OR 'John Smith', not 'AND'.

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@KingstonsMom 

@CrazyDaisy 

In the two wills/trusts (in two different states) I have been involved with, both attorneys had us name a primary executor/trustee and a secondary, in the event the primary could not/would not be able to handle the job.  And in one case, we also had a third person in case the first two were unable to fulfill the obligations.  

But in each case, only one person at a time was responsible.  In one case, when the primary trustee had to withdraw, we had to transfer that authority to the secondary trustee.  Never were two responsible as "co-executors" at the same time.

[KingstonsMom]

@geezerette 

That's the way our attorney explained it to us and why she put 'or' instead of 'and' in our wills, only one or the other would be executor, the primary first and if they had to relinquish the duty for any reason, the secondary would be executor.

She further explained that being co-executor (or secondary executor) would mean that they were entitled to all of the financial information along the way, in the event they did need to step in.

No feeling like the other is hiding anything that way either.

[geezerette]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

@geezerette 

That's the way our attorney explained it to us and why she put 'or' instead of 'and' in our wills, only one or the other would be executor, the primary first and if they had to relinquish the duty for any reason, the secondary would be executor.

She further explained that being co-executor (or secondary executor) would mean that they were entitled to all of the financial information along the way, in the event they did need to step in.

No feeling like the other is hiding anything that way either.

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@KingstonsMom 

That's interesting.  Our attorneys never mentioned that, but, thankfully, in both my situations, we all got along and shared all information anyway.

I recently updated my legal documents because I had to name new responsible parties.  I need to check to see if that is a requirement.  Thanks!

[CrazyDaisy]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

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@CrazyDaisy wrote:

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

Personally, I have to believe that there was a valid reason that Dad only made the OP executor of his estate, rather than her AND her brother.

---

Most lawyers will recommend that one person be named as an executor.  While all involved can have a say it what goes on, there needs to be one person to make the final decision.

---

@CrazyDaisy 

I guess it depends on the attorney/state, but we did our wills, etc. a couple of years ago and she recommended we assign 2, in the event that one couldn't serve for whatever reason.

She recommended we choose 'Jane Smith' OR 'John Smith', not 'AND'.

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That would be primary and secondary (if primary not able or want to be executor).  That way one person had the final say in decisions being made.

[KingstonsMom]

@CrazyDaisy 

Yes, that's exactly what I said in the post above yours.

[lovesrecess]

I would deal with your brother first...He also needs to tell his wife not to open any mail addressed to your father. You can also do a change of address in your father’s name since you are executor of his estate. It may work better than a forwarding address notice. If you are expecting mail from specific people or companies that would be regarding the estate, I would contact them directly and make sure they are directly told of your address. Good luck. I know this is tough.

[lovesrecess]

Having several attorneys in my family, I can assure you that a letter from an attorney doesn’t always have the effect you desire, and it just takes more time and money. Get your brothers name off the contact info at the assisted living facility. If it is local, go there and do it in person.

[VaBelle35]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

@50Mickey 

Maybe you missed the part of the OP where she states that the letter was addressed to 'The Estate of George Smith', mailed to his former assisted living residence and as the sole executor of Dad's estate, it was intended for her.

She's not sure how SIL got her hands on it and thinks she may have picked it up at the facility.

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Most don't read, they are just projecting their own experiences here.

[NicksmomESQ]

   It's illegal to open someone's mail without consent. Since you're the executor of the estate only you have a legal right to open the mail.A letter from an attorney is overdue. If that doesn't help you can actually press charges.That's if you want to go there.

[VaBelle35]

@Annabellethecat66 

In Virginia there is a way to write the will so that you don't have to do a detailed inventory.  I forget how it's written, but basically my sister just has to fill out a form.  I chose this option to make things easier on her.