Among Friends

[AuntG]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

@50Mickey 

Maybe you missed the part of the OP where she states that the letter was addressed to 'The Estate of George Smith', mailed to his former assisted living residence and as the sole executor of Dad's estate, it was intended for her.

She's not sure how SIL got her hands on it and thinks she may have picked it up at the facility.

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This is the point @CrazyDaisy and others are missing. The mail should have been given to the OP unopened. If power of jealousy are part of the equation, that has nothing to do with the SIL violating the wishes of the deceased that @hyacinth003  be executor of the estate. I think a lawyer needs to send a letter to her brother and his wife.

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[Drythe]

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@ Montana wrote:

I think you need bigger guns for dealing with your sister-in-law and, by extension, your brother.  Obviously, they are not going to abide by your requests.

I feel, an official letter from a lawyer's office is the next step.

@ Montana 

ITA agree with you.  

With the added comment that the Checking account with all three names on it, and any other fund, or accounts should be moved to a single ‘Estate of’ account with only  @hyacinth003  Name on it.

Also, all businesses with whom her Dad had dealings (such as the insurance company) should receive notice of his death and instructions for future mailings.

Perhaps these two things have already been done.

@hyacinth003 

It is sad that you have encountered such behavior, especially at this time.  However, as there is NO indication that it is going to change, it seems as if it is time for you to take steps to assure that it does.  

You  mentioned the $80,000 spent on attorneys previously within your family.  But a few boilerplate letters from an attorney with whom you already have a relationship will not be anywhere in that ballpark.

Wishing you well.

[FrostyBabe1]

What would I do? 

I'd hire an attorney to handle the estate. I have an good understanding of how the process works and an advanced business degree, and I still used an attorney for a lot of the work of handling my parent's estates. Why? Because they know far, far more about it than I do! It was the same attorney who drew up their estate plan and it was well worth the money. 

I'd also instruct that attorney to look in to the legality of some of the SIL's actions, particularly the use of Dad's funds to pay off the loan for the Corvette. If he wasn't competent to make the decision, it's financial manipulation/abuse of a vulnerable elderly person, and it's a felony in Illinois.

But the OP has said she doesn't want to do any of those things. So then, don't do them. Let the SIL get away with it. But if you're not willing to take action, IMHO, you don't get to complain. 

[CrazyDaisy]

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@AuntG wrote:

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

@50Mickey 

Maybe you missed the part of the OP where she states that the letter was addressed to 'The Estate of George Smith', mailed to his former assisted living residence and as the sole executor of Dad's estate, it was intended for her.

She's not sure how SIL got her hands on it and thinks she may have picked it up at the facility.

========

This is the point @CrazyDaisy and others are missing. The mail should have been given to the OP unopened. If power of jealousy are part of the equation, that has nothing to do with the SIL violating the wishes of the deceased that @hyacinth003  be executor of the estate. I think a lawyer needs to send a letter to her brother and his wife.

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Not missing anything, OP is looking for every reason possible to slam her sister-in-law.  She wants total control over the process and is making the littlest thing into a major issue. Unfortunately this prettiness is probably splitting the family apart, not something her father would want.  But I guess a win at all costs.

She has no idea how they got the letter, who opened it and if it was done intentionally or by accident. For all she knows some clerk at the assisted living home opened it by mistake. But of course it is the sister-in-laws fault

[VaBelle35]

She doesn't "want" total control over the process, she legally HAS total control over the process and is trying to carry out her father's wishes.

[Mom2Dogs]

@50Mickey ....if you have the desire read all that the OP has vented about her sister in law and brother that has no spine to stand up to his wife...it explains everything.  

[CrazyDaisy]

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@VaBelle35 wrote:

She doesn't "want" total control over the process, she legally HAS total control over the process and is trying to carry out her father's wishes.

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There is a difference between the responsibility and have total control.

[Annabellethecat66]

@VaBelle35  You can go on line and make up your own will.

My daughter and son-in-law did it and I know other people who did it.

I can't do that because my estate is complicated.  I had to pay someone to draw up my will.

I have one daughter set up in a trust.  It will be managed by an individual.  I have to pay for it, but it's worth it.

[VaBelle35]

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@Annabellethecat66 wrote:

@VaBelle35  You can go on line and make up your own will.

My daughter and son-in-law did it and I know other people who did it.

I can't do that because my estate is complicated.  I had to pay someone to draw up my will.

I have one daughter set up in a trust.  It will be managed by an individual.  I have to pay for it, but it's worth it.

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Mine is not complicated, but I did mine with an estate attorney so that it is done correctly and leaves no issue for my sister to have to deal with.

[50Mickey]

@CrazyDaisy  As usual we are only hearing one side of this. I wouldn't be surprised if the brother and SIL had a different take on things.