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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Wasn't sure how to tille this!  It is another chapter in the saga of my Dad's Estate.

 

Earlier this week, I sent my brother an email requesting any mail that comes to his house regarding our Father be sent to me UNOPENED.  I offered reimbursement for any mailing costs.  So far, his wife has been opening all the mail and then sending it to me.  As I have been taught to be POLITE, I let it go for awhile.  But I told him since the date of my Dad's passing, it belongs to his Estate, regardless of address.  If I am responsible, I want it untouched.

 

Today, I get mail addressed to "Estate of George Smith" with the address of the assisted living center on it.  It was a check from Blue Cross/Blue shield refunding his premium.  The assisted living center is supposed to forward any mail they get TO ME as Executor.  It came opened, from my sister-in-law.  I don't know if they are sending mail to her or she went there and picked it up.  She wrote notes on the envelope.

 

Whether I should be or not, I am FURIOUS.  I will deal with the assisted living center on Monday.  I have already told my sister-in-law to STAY OUT of any and all Estate business.  She has NO RIGHT to his mail.  It didn't even have her address on it.

 

What would you do?  I am not going to keep being harrassed like this.

 

Hyacinth

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,802
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

First, I think your argument should be with the assisted living center for having sent the materials to your SIL, then with her for having opened it.  The first was a technical error, the second FACT, is you'll never change her and ruin your health letting her get to you.

~The only difference between this place and the Titanic is that the Titanic had a band.~
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@RoughDraft wrote:

First, I think your argument should be with the assisted living center for having sent the materials to your SIL, then with her for having opened it.  The first was a technical error, the second FACT, is you'll never change her and ruin your health letting her get to you.

@RoughDraft 


She has opened ALL mail, not just this particular one.  I will take this one up with the assisted living center, but it is ALL mail.

 

Hyacinth

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,424
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What would you do?

[ Edited ]

I would take your official paperwork and go to your local post office. I am sure someone can help you with mail forwarding. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,095
Registered: ‎10-03-2014

How did assisted living get her address?  Have you told AL, you are the executor and not to send anything to any other address? 

 

You could go to the Post Office and ask that any of your father's mail going to your brother's address to be forwarded to you.  You may need proof you are the Executor.  

 

 

 

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,588
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I think you need bigger guns for dealing with your sister-in-law and, by extension, your brother.  Obviously, they are not going to abide by your requests.

 

I feel, an official letter from a lawyer's office is the next step.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@Nuttmeg wrote:

I would take your official paperwork and go to your local post office. I am sure someone can help you with mail forwarding. 


@Nuttmeg 

 

I made the mistake of thinking we were all honest big boys and girls and would do the right thing.

 

It is now clear that is not the case.

 

Hyacinth

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@Foxxee wrote:

How did assisted living get her address?  Have you told AL, you are the executor and not to send anything to any other address? 

 

You could go to the Post Office and ask that any of your father's mail going to your brother's address to be forwarded to you.  You may need proof you are the Executor.  

 

 

 

 

 


@Foxxee 

 

Assisted living has both our contact info.  I don't know if she went there and picked it up or they are mistakenly sending it to her.  How would I know?  I know now she lies.

 

I thought it was clear with them that I am the Executor and any mail be sent to me.  I will deal with them Monday.

 

I thought it would be no big deal for them to just send me (or ask me to pick it up) any correspondence for my Dad.  So I guess I need to take the formal step with the post office.  I will tell them I will charge the Estate for expenses and time to have to go through this.  My intention was never to charge anything for what I am doing to honor my Dad.  But when others don't feel and act the same, my feelings may change.

 

Hyacinth

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

@ Montana wrote:

I think you need bigger guns for dealing with your sister-in-law and, by extension, your brother.  Obviously, they are not going to abide by your requests.

 

I feel, an official letter from a lawyer's office is the next step.

 

 


 

I was thinking the same thing. 

 

This will just continue in the same way otherwise.  @hyacinth003, you are probably already emotionally exhausted, and that's not right.  Enough is enough.   

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@ Montana wrote:

I think you need bigger guns for dealing with your sister-in-law and, by extension, your brother.  Obviously, they are not going to abide by your requests.

 

I feel, an official letter from a lawyer's office is the next step.

 

 


@ Montana 

 

If I have to, I will tell them ALL contact will be via the lawyer at the expense of the Estate.  I have told my brother everything (other than mind numbing paperwork) I have in the works.  That will stop also.  If it were only myself, I wouldn't have put everything (for him to get his inheritance) in motion yet.  It feels awful to me to have to be dealing with his death over and over.  It hurts like he**.  I would have waited.  But because I am Executor, I have felt the duty to deal with it.  I work on it in some way every single day, and haven't even grieved yet.  And she keeps poking at me to where I am feeling harrassed now.

 

So now I may have to cut them off from everything except what are my legal requirements.

 

Hyacinth