Among Friends

[NYC Susan]

---

@KarenQVC wrote:

I think the basic problem might be that we have a girl living with a guy who has not agreed to marry her --And the girl wants to get married.  The girl needs to clarify whether the guy wants to marry her or not--then make her decisions accordingly.

I don't think a girl should live with a guy before formal engagement--if she wants to get married.  It gives the guy too many excuses to take her for granted.

---

I disagree with this.  I have several friends who lived together before engagement/ marriage, and this was back in the 70's.  Every one of these couples got married, are still together, and have loving and wonderful relationships all these years later.

[Tinkrbl44]

---

@Happiness Is Inside JOB wrote:

I learned a phrase early in my dating life.  It is "fill in woman"....

I feel this is the case in this situation.  A man or woman is dating a person because they have not met "BETTER".... they intentially do not take the person to certain events or even treat them very nicely.

I was a fill in before I got married.  The man mean't be no good, I learned people will date you for YEARS all the while, KNOW full well they have no intention of settling down or if you by chance happen to have the "bad" luck of having a child by them.....Your child will NEVER be supported or "TREATED" like the kids from the women they "VALUE".

He is NOT taking her to the EVENT because he does NOT WANT TO.  BOTTOM LINE...

It is a clear sign and if she uses wisdom she would take heed and plan to move forward.  I would never tell someone to JUMP without a plan.  Does she have a job, can she pay her own rent, does she live with him, all those things have to be taken into consideration.

People will USE you your ENTIRE LIFE, and when he "meets" the "RIGHT WOMAN" for him, he will DUMP her like a "HOT POTATO" with no loooking back.

Just a few examples of a feel in actons: never meet his "main" family, many you don't meet many of his friends, strickly a "house" relationship, constantly break up and makeup, rollercoaster relationship where for no rhyme or reason he starts acting funny, you never get a birthday, Xmas or valentines day gift, when ever you "NEED" help - he is not around and you can't depend on him.

I wish this lady luck because she "MIGHT" be wasting her time and LIFE is too short to be with people who are really just using YOU until they "MEET BETTER".

---

@Happiness Is Inside JOB

You're absolutely right ......  but this isn't anything new.   Some version of this has been going on since probably the cave man days.

I remember many years ago meeting one of my husband's co-workers at a company picnic.   He told this man that his girlfriend was a lovely gal, and this moron said "she'll do for now".   She was someone to keep his bed warm and split the rent with, but he had no intention of making it serious.   Well, she finally wised up and moved out, but I never forgot what an azz%ole he was.  Ugh.

[JobGirl]

---

@dex wrote:

I think the Smith boyfriend should have asked his gf if she would prefer that he didn't attend either.I would not mind being left out though...good time for shopping and lunching with bffs.

---

you think he should have asked his gf if she prefer he not spend this time with HIS family?

WHY would it be up to her?

[reiki604]

I think that grandma and her friends should keep their noses out of it. This young lady, if she's old enough to be living with someone, is old enough to make her own decisions. For all grandma knows, she is just with him because she's getting her jollies with him with no further thought of a 'futue". It's a different world than when you grew up and not every woman wants or needs to be the Wife and not every physical relationship is a prelude to marriage. sometimes it's just fun.

[stevieb]

I've said it before, prior to there being an 'us' or a 'we' there was a 'you' and a 'me'. I agree with the comment that simply because a couple marries or chooses any kind of significant relationship doesn't mean they become joined at the hip. There continue to be two, ostensibly, adults involved and neither of them needs to feel compelled to act as though they've become a single organism...

I've known both men and women to leave a relationship in which they felt smothered by too much togetherness, too many 'mandatory' phone calls or texts throughout the day and so on... It smacks of possessiveness and possessiveness tends to smack of insecurity... It isn't pretty, though perhaps predictable, at fifteen... It's untenable at 25 or 35 or 45...

It was not incumbent upon this man to seek her 'permission' to go to the reunion without her and it does not make him wrong or a jackass or a user should he choose to do so...

As was also noted by another poster, not every relationship is destined to end in marriage... If one member of the duo has that as his or her goal then it really is up to them to assess whether or not their goal is going to be met and to act accordingly... It doesn't make the other party wrong simply because marriage might not be their mission...

[brandy77]

When I read this post it gave me chills. Many years ago, I was involved with a man who told me the exact same thing about an upcoming famiy get together, that they had a strict rule about family only. He was very sweet about it and told me that as soon as he got back we would spend a whole day together and next year I would be going along with him as one of the family. A couple of days later I called him, this was back before everyone had cell phones, he didn't answer, I thought nothing of it, and called back later that evening. Well his new girlfriend picked up the phone. It turned out the reason he had not been there to answer my call was because he had taken her to meet his mother. I later met his mother, we had only spoken on the phone previously, and she told me she had actually invited me to that family event and was shocked that her son had not brought me and shown up with a strange woman instead. I was devestated at the time but now I know I dodged a bullet. I hope things turn out better for this young lady.