Among Friends

[Quse]

I just received an invitation (well, an Evite) to a bridal shower.
I'm old school and formalities for things like weddings, baby showers, bridal showers, imho, should have formal invitations sent snail mail. I know we're in the 21st century, I know people do what they want, and there are no "rules", but that's a huge pet peeve.

The other pet peeve is: the bridal shower for a 2nd wedding.
Both the bride and the groom are well established, both have their own houses, appliances, etc...and earn very good incomes.
I always think of a bridal shower as helping a couple start out, buying things that they probably couldn't afford otherwise...this couple has stuff upon stuff already.
I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I don't care about the 2nd marriage, I have many other friends on 2nd, even 3rd marriages (none had bridal showers). They just got re-married, I went to the wedding, gave them gifts, wished them well, end of story. I like both the bride and groom, so it's not a personalites thing.
I really don't want to go to this bridal shower (truthfully, I hate them anyway). I've been trying to tell myself it's just a party, go, see friends, have a good time and well wish, but for some reason, it's bothering me.

[proudlyfromNJ]

What do I think? I think you don't approve and don't want to go. Very easy, send your regrets and stay home.

[Love my grandkids]

Being that you are against showers for 2nd weddings, don't go. Your attitude would likely be obvious. Stay home and don't fret about it.

I do NOT mean this in a nasty way. But our feelings DO show in situations like this even if we try to hide them. No point in going to something you don't agree with. You wouldn't have a good time and the bride to be would likely pick up on your feelings.

Send a nice congratulatory card. What if one of the parties was widowed and this was a 2nd marriage? Would you feel this same? Just curious...

[RedTop]

I too hate showers, and look at this particular situation exactly as you are looking at it.   I personally would not attend, simply because the attitude I already have about the situation is going to worsen when I see that the actual shower is indeed the gift grab situation I expect it to be.   I would just send a card with handwritten wishes for happiness, and let it go.   

[KentuckyWoman]

I wouldn't spend a lot of time fretting over it.  If it is bothering you that much, email your congratulations and send regrets that you won't be attending.  I am old school too by the way.  I don't mind if people design and print their own invitations but I draw the line when they email instead of USPS.  We are a dying breed.

[Q4u]

You have every right to feel as you do about the formalities of every event you've mentioned however why deprive yourself the pleasure of seeing all your friends because of it?  Also, some of your friends may remember your "stand" not to go because of how you feel... 

Personally, if it were me, I'd go and enjoy the party and people there.  I'd give to charity in the names off the bride and groom and perhaps make some kind of framed certificate telling them the name/names of the charities, date, occasion, etc.  

Of course, it's all up to you ......  

[qualitygal]

Devil's advocate here:  if I had an attitude and felt that many negative feelings, I wouldn't go and ruin everyone's day. Yours and all the others. Real easy to figure out.

[Juniper2]

I understand what you are saying.  Showers were meant to help people get started.  They were meant to be a one time event, as were marriages.  Once you have the necessities, I don't understand the point of a shower. No one is against a wedding, be it a first or a third.  It it were me, I would skip the shower and send a monetary wedding gift if I did not want to attend.

[Krimpette]

Wonder what kind of gifts they are requesting, since they're already established and obviously not in need of any traditional shower gifts, from what the OP said.  And I agree......I HATE e-vites!!!!!!!!!!  To me, it's just the "lazy" way out.  (I know, I, too, am old-fashioned.....and PROUD OF IT!!!!)

[stevieb]

@Quse I get it... I tend to think bridal showers are for the first time around... After that, it seems sort of iffy. I wouldn't have a problem with the invitation to a shower being via email, but agree with you that invitations to the wedding itself should be, well, real invitations. It's bothering you so don't go. There's no reason to feel compelled to attend. Were I in your shoes, I'd send an email back... and nicely decline citing a prior commitment. I'd also note my hope that the event goes well and that everyone enjoys. I wouldn't send a gift. Should you later be invited to the wedding, then you can send a gift.