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Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

What do you think?

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I have a friend who came by quite upset. Her granddaughter is living with a man who informed her that his family get together in another state was coming up but she wasn't invited because she is not a "Smith".   Of course she is angry and hurt.  I told my friend she should move out, apparently she thought they were serious and going to get married.

 

I told her about this forum and she wanted to know what you think. Not that her granddaughter would listen to her anyway. LOl

 

By the way I asked her and she said she has met the family numerous times, just not all together at the "Smith" weekend.  I have met the young women and she is attratctive, well educated and friendly.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What do you think?

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I think that the people who put this get together on have a right to restrict the invitees  to anyone they choose.  IF they only want members of the Smith family by birth or marriage then they are entitled to set those rules.  YOu r opinion of her personality has nothing to do with this and as far as her thinking they were going to get married unless that status has been formalized in some manner then her status is live in girlfriend and no more.  EVidently that does not buy her a seat at the Smith family party.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 70,259
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I'd say the young man has spoken loud and clear.  She's wasting her time and now she needs to cut her losses and move on.  For some reason he doesn't want to present her to his family, probably for a reason that has nothing to do with her personally. 

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,490
Registered: ‎01-27-2014

She should get out of that relationship as soon as possible.  His family is obviously not very nice. Moreover, the fact that he didn't put up a fight for her being invited is a very bad sign. I don't think such a move is over-reacting at all! She is fortunate to get this type of info about him and his family before she enters into any kind of legal contract (I.e. Marriage) with him. 

Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: What do you think?

[ Edited ]

Some further information:   The get together which is annually consists of his widower dad, age 66, a brother and sister, bother in their 30's as himself. Also an aunt and uncle.

sounds very clannish if you ask me.  Sad part is her family has waemly embraced the boyfriend. I say dump him quickly.

 

None of the three siblings have ever been married. Interesting.

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There's not enough info to really know. It could be he wants a girlfriend free weekend. Or the family wants to limit it to just family because they've had past events with too many outsiders sitting there bored, or outsiders wanting to leave early so their family visiting is cut short with those that bring people. You'd think they'd want to meet a potential family member if they know their plans to wed.

Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Apparently the father also has a girlfriend who is never included because it is the "smith weekend".  WEIRD

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@StraytoStay wrote:

There's not enough info to really know. It could be he wants a girlfriend free weekend. Or the family wants to limit it to just family because they've had past events with too many outsiders sitting there bored, or outsiders wanting to leave early so their family visiting is cut short with those that bring people. You'd think they'd want to meet a potential family member if they know their plans to wed.


I am told she is hurt because she thought she was part of him. surprise!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

It does sound strange but as I said their party their rules.

Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎08-14-2013

I think she's finding out what kind of family she's marrying into, if a marriage should happen. I'd run the other way so fast! When you marry someone, you marry their family. Too many fish in the sea to stick with the "Smiths." JMO