Re: What do you think?

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

Seriously, it sounds b-o-r-i-n-g!

I guess people don't care or have any clue if they will get married to whom (or is it who?) they are living with? As in--it doesn't matter?

Anyways, if she wants to meet all the family---all the these Smiths, why doesn't she plan something?

A nice little dinner party. Or a big bash. Maybe at a restaurant if they can't handle a crowd at 'their place'.

If she thinks her BF would nix it from the get-go, she should plan a surprise party for him on his next birthday.

SURPRISE!

MsLomo · ‎03-09-2010

The "Smiths" are having a family reunion; if you're not an "official" member of the family, you are not invited. Some families do this. To me, it is not a big deal. I'd plan something fun to do with my friends or stay home and relax and read a book.

The issue is the granddaughter's hurt and anger at the boyfriend that she isn't yet a "Smith" and doesn't have a wedding date planned. I take it that he hasn't proposed and they aren't going to marry in time for the family reunion.

I wonder if they have ever discussed marriage. Does he know that she would like to be married to him? Maybe he is waiting for some indication from her that this is where she'd like the relationship to go? This family reunion is an opportunity to discuss this with him: "Where do you see this relationship going? Is marriage in the picture for you? How do you feel about it?" I would not deliver an ultimatum ("marry me or I'm moving out").

If they have discussed it and he knows that she wants to marry him, yet he acts lukewarm about the idea or is dragging his feet, I'd wish him the best and move on.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

Sounds like she is wasting her time with him if she expects a commitment from him. WAKE UPCALL! Time to move on and leave this live in situation.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@Calcgirl If there are other meaningful reasons to consider leaving the relationship then she needs to consider doing so, but for me, not being invited to a family reunion when I'm not technically part of the family and as hurtful as that might be, would not be grounds for me to leave an otherwise fulfilling relationship. If they stay together and marry, then she goes to the reunion. If marriage is her goal and the relationship feels, for a variety of reasons, like this is a dead end... then her choice should be clear.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Lainey59 wrote:
If none of them are married and they aren't bringing girlfriends or boyfriends than I don't see what the problem is. If they aren't singling her out then it's not about her. When my brother invites me over for dinner and his wife isn't home I'm actually very happy because we can talk about our family and growing up and mutual friends.

Bingo! I've been married to my husband for 34 years and when he goes up to ME for for family events, I often make up an excuse so I don't have to go. He knows what I'm doing and he plays along because he knows I'll be bored because they aren't my family and he'll have a lot more fun if I'm not there. We're married but we aren't joined at the hip, If there some hot gossip, he'll tell me when he gets home.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@queendiva wrote:
@Calcgirl Why was your friend "quite upset"? Much ado about nothing.
Their party, their rules. Your friend and her GD are overreacting. I think maybe they are both actually upset that she and the BF are not engaged. How long have they been living together? You also do not say how old this couple is. Perhaps in time they will be married. Your friend and her GD both sound unreasonable and somewhat immature on this matter.

I agree. I wouldn't get all bent out of shape about this, and I certainly wouldn't end a relationship because of it.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@CalminHeart wrote:
Run like h---! Don't walk! If this kind of ****** is going on now, just imagine what it'd be like if they were married.

It very well could be perfectly fine if they were married. I don't think this is an indication of terrible things to come at all.

I'm stunned that so many posters here are saying the granddaughter should walk away from what seems to be a good, solid relationship. It makes no sense to me to toss that away because of this. I don't think it's that big a deal, and it certainly doesn't sound like a personal rejection of the grandddaughter. She's his girlfriend, not his wife, and from what I've read, not even his fiancee. Over-reacting to this is a big mistake, IMO.

As for the grandmother, she should mind her own business. Stay out of their relationship, and let them solve their own disagreements without interference. There's no need for her to take this to dramatic levels just because she's upset.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
@Big Joanie wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
@Big Joanie wrote:
If they marry and have children .. would the children be invited and
not the wife ( the non-Smith ) ?

Wives are family my world.
I am not talking about your world ...the world the Smith family lives in....

People are making more of this than it deserves, must be hitting some nerves but while don't know the Smiths, I'm sure wives are family and the kids are family. Honestly it's odd to me that this situation seems strange to so many people.

I agree. It's not as though his wife and kids have been forbidden to attend any and all family events. It's one family gathering, and she's not his wife. If I were the granddaughter, I would wish him a good time, and go have fun with my friends.

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

I think the basic problem might be that we have a girl living with a guy who has not agreed to marry her --And the girl wants to get married. The girl needs to clarify whether the guy wants to marry her or not--then make her decisions accordingly.

I don't think a girl should live with a guy before formal engagement--if she wants to get married. It gives the guy too many excuses to take her for granted.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@queendiva wrote:
@Calcgirl Why was your friend "quite upset"? Much ado about nothing.
Their party, their rules. Your friend and her GD are overreacting. I think maybe they are both actually upset that she and the BF are not engaged. How long have they been living together? You also do not say how old this couple is. Perhaps in time they will be married. Your friend and her GD both sound unreasonable and somewhat immature on this matter.
I agree. I wouldn't get all bent out of shape about this, and I certainly wouldn't end a relationship because of it.

After careful consideration on this issue, I have decided to weigh in and say that HE should end the relationship. If his family does things like this and she is already ticked off before they are married, it won't get better. It will get worse.

I don't think these two people belong together. How you deal with family dynamics is really important. She's unhappy, and honey it ain't gonna get better down the wedded road.

Time to part friends and find someone whose family acts the way you expect them to act.