Among Friends

[on the bay]

@TX-starlight-

It seems you have expressed what a lot of us are feeling.

 I think we each know when and if a friendship is worth fixing. Sometimes it is very much and other times, you just know it's not.

And sometimes, what someone says or does makes us know we don't want that in a "friend" anymore. We are worth it not to have those kinds of friends.

I find I don't have as much patience for things that are talked about or done that are not important, especially long intellectual discourses about things that don't make a difference in each other's lives.

I also find that I have a harder time not saying things I think especially in groups!

I'm usually pretty positive but have noticed when tired or hurting I can complain and I don't like that in myself. I can easily bring myself down more.

And also on those days, I can get very irritable with people's behavior just driving from one place to another and going in the store.

But sometimes, people can really lift you up, including strangers.

And yes sometimes I just want to escape to the beach and have someone wait on me with the biggest decision being - a midori or pina colada?

[Regal Bee]

@TX-starlight  It sounds to me like you are just tired of putting up with this kind of behavior and I do not blame you.

If I wanted to maintain the friendship, I would confront her. If not, let it go. She needs to know what she said hurt you so she will not do it again.

The lack of grace and manners in our society is shocking to me. 

Hope you resolve this and you are perfectly okay. 

[TX-starlight]

@Regal Bee It's resolved on my part. We were classmates & do live close, nor see each other on a regular basis, only Facebook friend. The comment was in FB msg. She tends to live in a "bubble" & doesn't seem to have common sense, for an educated person. She's always commenting odd things on FB, as if she doesn't have common sense. I just chalked it up to her being a shallow person. I'm no longer dwelling on it, because she she never bothered to apologize, even knowing she had offended me. Her "friendship" really isn't worth it to me. Sometimes you outgrow school friendships. 

[Still keeper of the koi]

@TX-starlight,Oh dear one,nothing is wrong with you!You are disappointed with those around you.You haven't changed.The world is bombaded with media ,I think everyone is a bit overwhelmed.Aging is seeing things with clarity,don't let others harden your heart,love and care,because you are kind...Love without expectations. It will be your time to reap soon.I deal with and have adopted  traumatized unwanted animals,mini horses,goats ,chickens, cats,even bulldog sisters,everyone is special needs.There are days I could screaming I am so hurt by life's cruel side,but thankful I am making a difference with My love.Don't let hurt take away your compassion. Smile, laugh and give love...All will workout in the end.Change life not you..Hugs,MaryAnne

[emmysmom]

---

@tarsmom wrote:

Here's a funny:  My MIL who was a feisty lady to say the least and passed earlier this year at 96 (was totally with it) used to say:

when I was little I had to please my parents

when I was in school I had to please the teachers

when I was married I had to please my husband

when I worked I had to please my employer

Once her husband passed, she retired, she said "Now I don't have to please anyone but me."   

And isn't that the truth!

However

I am always nice to strangers.  Strangers sometimes come up to me in the stores "do you know where such and such is?"   I am always nice.  You know why?  They might have a spouse in the hospital, a kid who is difficult, a health condition (including anxiety or depression) or just lost their best friend or dog.  

I don't say yes anymore to stuff I don't want to do, but I am always nice to strangers.  

---

Yes, I'm always nice to strangers....and I will never say YES, to stuff I don't want to do!  I was brought up to be a people pleaser..No more! It takes its toll!

[Big Joanie]

---

@63mkm wrote:

I'm 55 and feel the same way!  Wow, wonder what I will be like in 10 years!  LOL!

---

Yes .. watch out .. I just turned 71 and believe me it doesnt get any better ...

[Big Joanie]

My husband retired 20 years ago .. I still have not adjusted to it ....

[Catiele]

Oh and I thought I was the only one. I think it is a combination of things. There were times when my feelings would get hurt and I would say nothing. Now I am more apt to say something. I think being alone more is not a bad thing. 

[this is my nic]

As an older woman, wow how did that happen so quickly?   Anyway, as an older woman I think we have dealt with other's stupidity, lack of courtesy, malicious behavior by trying to be "nice" .  Our mothers came from a time when women were not encouraged to speak up and taught us the same. Now, we have decades of being quiet behind us and we refuse to continue being nice to people who mistreat us or disrespect us. 

We are not being irritable, we are finally realizing we don't have to accept rude or disrespectful treatment.   

[occasionalrain]

From reading these posts, it seems to me that most, if not all, were written by people pleasers who feel unappreciated and let down. What I've found is that people pleasers attract users. Somehow, the users feel justified in disregarding the pleasers believing unfairly that they have a lower value or they wouldn't need to please.

I don't attract users because I'm not accommodating; I say no a lot and always have. My friends have manners or they wouldn't be my friends.