Re: Not Sure How to Handle this Situation

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@Isobel Archer wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
@CouponQueen wrote:
Frosted Cake - don't let some of the responses get you down. I agree with NYC Susan!

Around here people take a dead horse and beat it a million times and just keep hammering away. i hate how they will harp on something dissecting and tearing it apart trying to find one little discrepancy and then they can just continue pounding away til the poster doesn't knowi f they are coming or going.

Keep us posted.
************ I beg to differ with you. There is a womans job and future at stake here so one must be very sure before they take action. Some of us see a sort of "hesitancy" on posters part and sense she is questioning herself as if she thinks she might have unknowingly instigated some of this. I don't understand that part of it at all. I would have been livid and had I the emails to proove it...... and was sure I read it right........ would have approached her and told her just what I thought..... and that she could not coerce me!

It also appears to me that the more people here who jumped on the boat and agreed with her (in the beginning) the more adamant she became that this other woman did this to her. I say, lay your cards on the table and see what happens. It seems to me like a "mob" is forming.....and I never like to see that.

OP has repeatedly expressed she is suffering from anxiety and discouragement so that could, imo, influence how she interpreted this. If she came on as "very distraught" to the woman involved..... that woman could possibly have just not known what more she could do for her and was reaching for straws. I don't personally think that is good enough reason to fire a person....unless of course op can prove she was coerced beyond a shadow of doubt.

It seems to me op has been more and more sure of herself "only" as people have agreed with her. She needs to decide this for herself. If she indeed has been coerced, she shoud not need the encouragement from us to do something about it. She should be angry enough to take it on herself. I just want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Not your truth, not my truth. People here have set themselves up as judge and jury and rendered a sentence on a situation where I see lots of indecision and discrepancies. I guess I need more proof before I jump on the bandwagon. I feel like I am sitting her watching a "mob" grow. I am not ruling out that this woman was guilty. If she was she should be punished but so many of you have already decided. That's the scariest part for me.

There are definitely some things that don't quite add up.

It seems that the reason she wanted to send the "gotcha" email to the woman was that despite her (recent) assertions that the other email she got from the woman said that the "only help she could give her was spiritual" - maybe it wasn't nearly as clear as she now says it was.

She says it was "lengthy" and as you point out, it could have been saying that the woman felt she had given her all the professional advice she could and since OP was still so upset, spiritual advice was all she had left. That would explain why the OP wanted to seperate the "only help being spiritual" in a shorter email.

As I pointed out - with no response - if she really actually wanted to clarify if the woman was no longer willing to help her unless she accepted her religious counseling, she could have sent another email with a professional question to see what response she got.

The most recent posts indicate that the OP is determined to have this woman disciplined - and she seems to be expressing some of the upset she may have displayed in the counseling. She's accusing the city manager's office of "protecting their own" - with no evidence - and she's going to "shake things up."

And as to the "mob" we now have people advising her to "contact the Mayor." I guess she should alert the media as well.

Sadly, none of this will help her get a job. If she is under the illusion that the city will be so appalled they will offer her a job due to the "harm" she's suffered, I think she will be even more disappointed than she already is.

************** I agree with you...I have had many of the same thoughts.

I am hoping they have both saved all their emails both personal and professional and it will come down to interpretation and/or intent.

Whatever happens in this particular situation, as I see it now, no one will come out ahead.

Frosted Cake · ‎02-01-2016

I have a meeting tomorrow with the Asst. City Manager.

Once this is all finalized and an outcome occurs, I'll let you know.

Thanks for the input.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

The op is in a sticky situation. .It could backfire, and her name be put on the black list for future employment anywhere. There will be little chance getting a job with the city imo. (if it's a small town, it could be a problem) What the lady did was unprofessional. (assuming it is infact a "city" job) We don't know exactly the words and how the email exchanges went, only by what the op has stated. I would probably would have let it slide, due to my already slim chance of getting a job in my age category.

The problem I have is the op wanting to email the lady again, and like trap her in her words (for clarification) . I don't think that was necessary. The op seems upset because of the the bad interview. I want to say this will be a good outcome, but it's going to be a mess imo.

Frosted Cake · ‎02-01-2016

UPDATE:

I met with the Asst. City Mgr. today. She was very nice. I told her I didn't want to cause problems but thought it important to make them aware of the situation.

She read the e-mails and asked if she could retain them. I had my own copies.

She asked me a few questions about whether the woman made comments verbally in person in addition to the e-mails. I told her she mentioned me attending her church over the phone. She took a few notes. She asked how I felt when I read the e-mails, and I told her it was uncomfortable and made me upset since I never discussed religion nor brought it up as something I needed or was looking for to help me.

She apologized for my discomfort and was genuinely sad that I didn't feel comfortable utilizing the City services in that dept when it came to job resources. I told her I wasn't trying to get someone in trouble, I just felt that even though she might have sincere intentions, it's neither the place nor circumstance to base our association on my acceptance of her offer to attend her church. I also told her I was taken aback by the tone in the e-mails that I would never move forward without accepting her religious views as my only hope.

She wants to talk to a few people and would get back to me. She also assured me that if I apply for other City jobs, my coming forward would not in any way affect my status as an applicant and if I felt it did, to notify her immediately. She said anything we discussed is confidential.

I thought this was an interesting question, she asked me if anyone else who I've encountered working for the City has confronted me with similar suggestions. I told her no. I just thought that was an interesting question to ask.

She said she will follow-up with me, but it won't be until next week. She gave me her card and said to call her if I had any other questions or concerns.

All in all, it was productive and I'll see what happens from here.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

This complaint will go on file when you apply for future city jobs, even though she said it won't.

I do hope you get the outcome you are looking for.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@Frosted Cake wrote:
UPDATE:

I met with the Asst. City Mgr. today. She was very nice. I told her I didn't want to cause problems but thought it important to make them aware of the situation.

She read the e-mails and asked if she could retain them. I had my own copies.

She asked me a few questions about whether the woman made comments verbally in person in addition to the e-mails. I told her she mentioned me attending her church over the phone. She took a few notes. She asked how I felt when I read the e-mails, and I told her it was uncomfortable and made me upset since I never discussed religion nor brought it up as something I needed or was looking for to help me.

She apologized for my discomfort and was genuinely sad that I didn't feel comfortable utilizing the City services in that dept when it came to job resources. I told her I wasn't trying to get someone in trouble, I just felt that even though she might have sincere intentions, it's neither the place nor circumstance to base our association on my acceptance of her offer to attend her church. I also told her I was taken aback by the tone in the e-mails that I would never move forward without accepting her religious views as my only hope.

She wants to talk to a few people and would get back to me. She also assured me that if I apply for other City jobs, my coming forward would not in any way affect my status as an applicant and if I felt it did, to notify her immediately. She said anything we discussed is confidential.

I thought this was an interesting question, she asked me if anyone else who I've encountered working for the City has confronted me with similar suggestions. I told her no. I just thought that was an interesting question to ask.

She said she will follow-up with me, but it won't be until next week. She gave me her card and said to call her if I had any other questions or concerns.

All in all, it was productive and I'll see what happens from here.

I thought the church invitation was in person:

One day when I was sitting in her private office, I told her something about being my age and having to go back to work and how my confidence was lagging. That's when she invited me to her church to hear her motivational pastor. As I stated originally, I didn't think much of it, and just blew it off. She wasn't pushy at that point, she just mentioned it. I had no intention of going to her church.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

It certainly sounds as if the Asst. City Manager handled the complaint in a appropriate and professional manner and took the issue seriously. Please let us know what the outcome is although you might never receive a full, detailed report since this would now be considered a "privacy protected personnel,issue"

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@missy1 wrote:
This complaint will go on file when you apply for future city jobs, even though she said it won't.

I do hope you get the outcome you are looking for.

How could you possibly know something like this? I don't understand the need to be so negative. She did the right thing, and - as many of us told her - it is being taken seriously.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Frosted Cake wrote:
UPDATE:

I met with the Asst. City Mgr. today. She was very nice. I told her I didn't want to cause problems but thought it important to make them aware of the situation.

She read the e-mails and asked if she could retain them. I had my own copies.

She asked me a few questions about whether the woman made comments verbally in person in addition to the e-mails. I told her she mentioned me attending her church over the phone. She took a few notes. She asked how I felt when I read the e-mails, and I told her it was uncomfortable and made me upset since I never discussed religion nor brought it up as something I needed or was looking for to help me.

She apologized for my discomfort and was genuinely sad that I didn't feel comfortable utilizing the City services in that dept when it came to job resources. I told her I wasn't trying to get someone in trouble, I just felt that even though she might have sincere intentions, it's neither the place nor circumstance to base our association on my acceptance of her offer to attend her church. I also told her I was taken aback by the tone in the e-mails that I would never move forward without accepting her religious views as my only hope.

She wants to talk to a few people and would get back to me. She also assured me that if I apply for other City jobs, my coming forward would not in any way affect my status as an applicant and if I felt it did, to notify her immediately. She said anything we discussed is confidential.

I thought this was an interesting question, she asked me if anyone else who I've encountered working for the City has confronted me with similar suggestions. I told her no. I just thought that was an interesting question to ask.

She said she will follow-up with me, but it won't be until next week. She gave me her card and said to call her if I had any other questions or concerns.

All in all, it was productive and I'll see what happens from here.

I'm so glad you posted an update! And that it went well. :-)

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@NYC Susan wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
This complaint will go on file when you apply for future city jobs, even though she said it won't.

I do hope you get the outcome you are looking for.

How could you possibly know something like this? I don't understand the need to be so negative. She did the right thing, and - as many of us told her - it is being taken seriously.

@While proselytizing is way up there in my "Irks List", I'd have to agree with @missy1 about the possibility, even probability, that this complaint could affect the OP's future in city employment. Most supervisors (in this case, a city official) are adept at being professional and acting concerned, but that doesn't preclude them from making the proverbial black check mark. I've been there. If getting a job was the OP's priority, I would have waited to file the complaint (and I definitely would have) until after she continued her job search and secured a job.

I'm not saying this will happen, but one important thing I learned in my life and always remind myself before taking an important action is....for every action, there is a reaction.