Among Friends

[missy1]

I hope your dd is keeping her personal issues from work. I hope she hasn't contacted the ex, after that one time.  Is she now eating? She needs to deal with this, it's part of life. if she can't, she should get professional help.

[Sunnyfield]

@qvc chick

I think you should let it be unless you see her spiraling down (becoming more depressed, not wanting to go to work, etc. etc.) then professional help is in order...a week is not much time to get over someone...the more you stay involved the more you are feeding into her feelings of despair...like she is not strong enough to handle things on her own...just try to be your typical self and not over-involved in her problem...

[SeaMaiden]

Better she know now  than after the fact. He was being honest with her.....if more people were honest upfront before a Life commitment there would probably be less divorces later on.  Bravo to him for  sharing true feelings now rather than later.  She will thank him down the road when she finds her true love.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

@qvc chick The best thing your daughter can do is to cut off ALL interaction with him ~ lose all social media contacts ~ delete his phone # ~ make it impossible for him to see or know anything about her.

Stop texting him, stop anything about him.

That is the only way he will miss her.

OTOH, if he really just isn't ready to get married, she needs to decide if she wants to wait and pine away for him, or move on with her life.

Sometimes you have to save yourself.

[Deb1010yetagain]

@qvc chick   I'm so sorry for the cruddy feelings you and your daughter are going thru over her breakup.   Time will heal this wound.  Just put one foot in front of the other every day and carry on with your chin held high.   Some say "fake it til you make it."  Things will get easier.   I'd like to share a poem that has given me comfort,

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with G-d,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

[silkyk]

Have her watch The Marvelettes sing "Too Many Fish in the Sea"....and turn it up REAL LOUD! (and sing along)    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0eoi0yucJs  

Look here, girls
Take this advice, and remember always in life:

Into each heart some tears must fall
Though you love and lose, you must stand tall
'Cause we all got to cry sometimes
I said, sigh sometimes
Pull yourself together
No use crying forever
Because there's too many fish in the sea
Too many fish in the sea
I said, there's short ones, tall ones, fine ones, kind ones
Too many fish in the sea

My mother once told me something
And every word is true
Don't waste your time on a fella
Who doesn't love you
He'll only mislead you
Only grieve you
Don't worry about him
Do without him
Because there's too many fish in the sea
Too many fish in the sea
I said, there's short ones, tall ones, fine ones, kind ones
Too many fish in the sea

Well, if the fish isn't on your line
Bait your hook and keep on trying
Don't let him get you down
There's other boys around
Because there's too many fish in the sea
Too many fish in the sea
I said, there's short ones, tall ones, fine ones, kind ones
Too many fish in the sea

I don't want nobody that don't want me
'Cause there's too many fish in the sea
Ain't gonna love nobody that don't love me, now
'Cause there's too many fish in the sea
I don't need nobody that don't need me
'Cause there's too many fish in the sea
I don't want nobody that don't want me now
'Cause there's too many fish in the sea

Hope this helps.

[qualitygal]

Vote ya for mom to leave her be. She has to work it out on her own time in her own way. She knows you're there for her (to listen). Bit by bit, day by day, step by step. JMHO

[Tinkrbl44]

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@qvc chick wrote:

Its one week later and it doesn't seem to be getting better.  It seems to be getting worse.  

Maybe feelings go up and down the first few weeks.

She likes to just read, sitting in her room.

I am trying to encourage her to go out, instead of sitting  home, but I am not having much luck.  Wonder if I should just let it be??

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@qvc chick

I was thinking about your daughter yesterday, and how terribly young she is to be wanting to settle down already.  She's only been a grown adult woman for so little time.   What's the rush?

What I see is that this isn't just a simple breakup .... she had a LOT riding on this guy .... her whole future, in fact, and has had the rug pulled out from under her!

My advice:    she needs to have a new plan ... something to get excited about.    At 22, she's got plenty of time later for husband and kids.   If she still lives at home, perhaps she should get her own place or move in with a female roommate.   She may be feeling like such a child still living in your house.   Perhaps she's anxious to establish herself as an adult, and thinks marriage is the only way to go from her parent's house to her house.   Have you discussed that?

OR,  better yet, she needs to get herself a passport and take an exciting trip or two.    What exactly has she done as far as enjoying life as a single adult woman?   Travelling and getting some life experience before marriage is never a mistake.  It will broaden her horizons and when the time comes for her to have kids, she'll have more perspective to draw from.

Lastly ....  are you the only person she's discussing this with?    Where are her friends and why isn't she spending time with them, if only to complain and be encouraged?  She definitely needs some fortification from people her own age, as well.

[qvc chick]

Now she is saying that she would like to talk to him again.

She thinks they can work thru the commitment issues.  She said she would be willing to wait some more years before kids and marriage, and he was saying he wasnt ready for 5-6 years.

She really loves him.  And he appeared to love her.  They cried together the last time they were together.

I am torn - it seemed like they had such a good thing.  Should she attempt one more time to see if they could work it out??  I have mixed feelings.

My thing is.....does he really still love her, and is truly that he really believes she could find someone better, someone who would settle down faster?  Or is there something we are missing.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@qvc chick wrote:

Its one week later and it doesn't seem to be getting better.  It seems to be getting worse.  

Maybe feelings go up and down the first few weeks.

She likes to just read, sitting in her room.

I am trying to encourage her to go out, instead of sitting  home, but I am not having much luck.  Wonder if I should just let it be??

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@qvc chick

I was thinking about your daughter yesterday, and how terribly young she is to be wanting to settle down already.  She's only been a grown adult woman for so little time.   What's the rush?

What I see is that this isn't just a simple breakup .... she had a LOT riding on this guy .... her whole future, in fact, and has had the rug pulled out from under her!

My advice:    she needs to have a new plan ... something to get excited about.    At 22, she's got plenty of time later for husband and kids.   If she still lives at home, perhaps she should get her own place or move in with a female roommate.   She may be feeling like such a child still living in your house.   Perhaps she's anxious to establish herself as an adult, and thinks marriage is the only way to go from her parent's house to her house.   Have you discussed that?

OR,  better yet, she needs to get herself a passport and take an exciting trip or two.    What exactly has she done as far as enjoying life as a single adult woman?   Travelling and getting some life experience before marriage is never a mistake.  It will broaden her horizons and when the time comes for her to have kids, she'll have more perspective to draw from.  

Lastly ....  are you the only person she's discussing this with?    Where are her friends and why isn't she spending time with them, if only to complain and be encouraged?  She definitely needs some fortification from people her own age, as well.

@Tinkrbl44

I agree with everything that you said.

She needs to learn to take care of her problems herself, because, and I'm not saying this to be mean, but mommie won't always be there to fix her problems for her.

Daughter needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet.

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