Re: My daughter is hearbroken

MsLomo · ‎03-09-2010

qvc chick, what a sweet mom you are! I applaud him for realizing that he's not ready and being honest with your daughter. He may be "the one" in a few years, but not now.

As others here have said, it's so hard to see our loved ones in pain. It's wonderful that she has you as her support system while she grieves -- but it's a swamp she has to cross -- no shortcut around it. Wish there were.

One thing I might do is try to "separate" your empathy for her from her personal grief. She is a competent, responsible, independent woman -- you must be very proud of her. She will be fine in time. I'd be there for her when she wants to talk about it, but you need to start eating and sleeping so you can be there for her while she processes her loss.

(((Hugs to you and your daughter)))

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

We have all (most) been there. With time, she will move on. She needs to focus on herself, and not rebound. I also agree the man probably felt pressured. It's good you know now, instead of a divorce (after the wedding).

ilovefall · ‎03-30-2011

I had to respond to this post. My son is hearbroken. He has been with his girlfriend for 2 years and 4 months. They moved into an apartment just two months ago..in March. Last week she said they moved in together too soon and she wants to be single. Doesn't want to rely on anyone or answer to anyone (she never had to answer to him)...just wants to do her own thing. My son is devastated. We are devastated for him. He is looking for answers but there are none. We wish we could take away his pain. This is heartbreaking. I'm not saying he's perfect but he is a really good guy. He'll be 24 in June, has a good job, makes good money, and was always giving. He was planning for their future. She'll be 22 in July. We think she's too young and immature and didn't know how to handle the whole living together thing, but she wanted to move out of her Mom's house. He saved a lot of money and bought all the furniture for the apartment. Now she's back at her Mom's house. He's lost.

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

I,m sure he loved her and still does, but he may not be in love with her anymore. He was trying to let her down easy. His sadness was real for the lost of of the life and plans they had together, but he wants to more on to freedom or someone else. She needs to grieve and then get on with her life. She is so young. You need to help her, but don,t enable her to stay stuck in misery.

She has only know him for a year. Many wives have been dumped after years of marriage and kids. Not that it doesn,t hurt, but one year is not that long in a relationship. I wish her well, time heals, but she has to be strong herself as a person.

Noreen · ‎06-02-2015

@qvcaddition wrote:

She has only know him for a year. Many wives have been dumped after years of marriage and kids. Not that it doesn,t hurt, but one year is not that long in a relationship. I wish her well, time heals, but she has to be strong herself as a person.

All these posts have good advice, very good, but this statement above is important. Better to be "dumped" now than when you have babies in diapers. Trust me.

qvc chick · ‎03-10-2010

To Sids mom and Melinia -

I feel the pain of my child. We are very close, and I love her, so when she hurts, I hurt. It's that simple. I think most moms feel that way.

And we did not set him up....he is a nice guy, and they seemed very much in love. He seems hearbroken about this as well. I think he just didn't see himself settling down in the near future.

My daugher has a plan....she would like to get into a serious relationship. She also loves kids and wants to be a mom. Is that wrong? She has a great job, and has several thousand dollars saved up already. SHe is on the ball. She did not pressure him, it was just something they talked about.

K9mom · ‎04-19-2010

My heart goes out to both of you. I have been there. Your daughter's situation was similar to mine.

I was dating a guy for 3 years. He was everything to me (or so I thought at the time) We were both young (we met when I was 18 and he 19). I was so in love. We had talked about our future, planned on getting married, etc. We had some issues in our relationship as everyone does but we loved each other. One day, out of the blue, we are sitting in a park and he takes out a note. He starts reading it to me and I was in shock - he was breaking up with me by reading me a NOTE!!!! After 3 years! I couldn't even think I was so upset. I didn't even say anything - he drove me home and that was the last time I saw him. (can you imagine how I was feeling!?) I was devastated. I couldn't eat, couldn't concentrate, I was so distraught. I thought my life was over. (But little did I know - this was one of my unanswered prayers - God had a MUCH BETTER path for me)

Fast forward to today, I am HAPPILY MARRIED to a WONDERFUL man for the past 14 years. I couldn't imagine my life without him and looking back, I am SO GRATEFUL that things happened the way they did. I learned some things about my ex after we broke up that I didn't know and thank God we wern't together anymore. We were young and looking back and knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have spent a day of my time on him today. But you grow up and you learn.

Time heals many wounds. Your daughter will be crushed - and it will take time. But I live my life by the saying "if it's meant to be - it will be - if not, it was never meant to be". There is nothing you can really do except to be there for her, listen to her, let her cry. Your daughter sounds like a wonderful girl with a bright future. This too shall pass and she will find her Prince Charming. She doesn't deserve to be with someone who has "doubts" - she deserves 100% and she will find that right person who cherishes her who would never let her go. <3

qvc chick · ‎03-10-2010

K9 Mom - Thank you so much for the sweet words! I am glad your story had a happy ending!

K9mom · ‎04-19-2010

@qvc chick

Thank you! And I'm confident that your daughter's story will too! Unfortunately life throws you a curve ball sometime and derails your plans - but sometimes it's a blessing in disguise.

Keep the faith and give your daughter a hug from me!

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

Time will ease the pain, and at 23, she has plenty of time to find a guy that wants the same thing that she does.

Don't try to push them to get back together.

The right guy for her may be a totally different guy than the one she just broke up with.

I think 23 is too young to get married anyway.

At 23, you are just starting to figure out who you are and what you want, and obviously the ex-boyfriend didn't want to be tied down at such a young age.

It isn't the end of the world.

Almost every single person has had their heart broken at some point.

What's that old saying?

It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

It seems as though you, mom and your daughter already had the china patterns picked out, and the hall rented, and this guy knew or sensed that.

He could feel the pressure that the two of you were putting on him, so he bolted.

When the next guy comes along, just take it one day at a time, and don't even hint at wedding bells.

If it's ment to happen, it will, all on its own.