I feel guilty...

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. Husband wants to get new wedding rings designed. While I adore the fact he even thought of doing so, I really don't want a new wedding ring. We married late so, I am 66; he is 71. We didn't have matching rings to begin with. I elected to have a three stone diamond wedding band designed; he chose to use his father's wedding band. I rarely wear my original wedding ring instead I purchased a simple gold band about five years ago.

I don't mind if he choses to replace his band. But I just feel having a new ring designed for myself is a unnecessary expenditure. I think he feels guilty he never gave me an engagement ring. Since we rarely travel, I would much rather we spend the funds taking some vacations while we are still physically able.

I've talked to him about it, delicately. I feel guilty even questioning it. I thought of having my original wedding band redesigned, the only problem I would want to add another diamond; my existing stones are a light canary yellow it would be very difficult to get a match.

Should I just go with the flow, I am torn.

I am still oxox · ‎03-09-2010

My 25th wedding anniversary is next week, we are both 63, and I bought two stainless steel engraved rings from QVC - they have our initials and wedding date, and we wear them every day.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

I think it is really wonderful that he thought of doing that. You might consider having a right hand ring designed if you don't want to do it with your original ring. You don't have to go with diamonds you could pick a different stone that you really like. Congratulations to both of you.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Allegheny wrote:
Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. Husband wants to get new wedding rings designed. While I adore the fact he even thought of doing so, I really don't want a new wedding ring. We married late so, I am 66; he is 71. We didn't have matching rings to begin with. I elected to have a three stone diamond wedding band designed; he chose to use his father's wedding band. I rarely wear my original wedding ring instead I purchased a simple gold band about five years ago.

I don't mind if he choses to replace his band. But I just feel having a new ring designed for myself is a unnecessary expenditure. I think he feels guilty he never gave me an engagement ring. Since we rarely travel, I would much rather we spend the funds taking some vacations while we are still physically able.

I've talked to him about it, delicately. I feel guilty even questioning it. I thought of having my original wedding band redesigned, the only problem I would want to add another diamond; my existing stones are a light canary yellow it would be very difficult to get a match.

Should I just go with the flow, I am torn.

@Allegheny You each are feeling guilt...maybe that’s where the discussion should begin and be put to rest. It’s important to work through that.

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@I am still oxox Congratulations to you and DH.

Before we got married I had a custom birthstone & diamond ring made for DH. Since he never wears it he wants to use the gold (it is heavy) to make his new wedding ring.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

If it's important to him, go with the flow. If it's not, enjoy your trip.

But of course the only way you'll know is to really talk about it and it doesn't have to be a heavy conversation.

I obviously don't know how you two communicate with one another but it can be something as simple as asking the question, "Is this really important to you or are you doing this a gesture towards me?" You can probably tell from how he reacts and answers the question what his true feelings are.

Enjoy whichever gift you end up with. They are both special.

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@Kitlynn wrote:
I think it is really wonderful that he thought of doing that. You might consider having a right hand ring designed if you don't want to do it with your original ring. You don't have to go with diamonds you could pick a different stone that you really like. Congratulations to both of you.

@Kitlynn I've thought of that since I always wanted a quality birthstone ring, it wouldn't be inexpensive since I admit I am picky and would want a good gemstone. He said "whatever" I wanted would be OK with him.

But, don't laugh, my ring finger on my right hand is really bent from arthritis and I try not to draw attention to it. The only finger I have left that isn't somewhat distorted is my ring finger on the left.

Edited: Dang, if there was a way to fix the bent finger I'd rather he spend the $s on that.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

i think Laura14 is right...discuss the options and decide together.I think since you already have rings that a wonderful vacation together could be so relaxing and renewing.After a certain age I no longer feel the need to collect more stuff so a wonderful time and memory would be my choice too.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Take a look on JTV. Look at their band rings, in fact type in what you want to see. You can get a new ring and make him happy and make you happy by $$$$ saving. They have some beautful ones. @Allegheny

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

@Allegheny wrote:
@Kitlynn wrote:
I think it is really wonderful that he thought of doing that. You might consider having a right hand ring designed if you don't want to do it with your original ring. You don't have to go with diamonds you could pick a different stone that you really like. Congratulations to both of you.
@Kitlynn I've thought of that since I always wanted a quality birthstone ring, it wouldn't be inexpensive since I admit I am picky and would want a good gemstone. He said "whatever" I wanted would be OK with him.

But, don't laugh, my ring finger on my right hand is really bent from arthritis and I try not to draw attention to it. The only finger I have left that isn't somewhat distorted is my ring finger on the left.

I am not laughing at all and I understand completely. Now there are no rules about wedding rings and you could get a ring designed with your birthstone and have it look like there is a band behind it and wear it as your wedding ring. It would be a stone you love and very different and unique.