Among Friends

[IMW]

Tell him how you feel as gently as possible. Maybe get a card saying how thoughtful he is. A romantic dinner perhaps, candlelight. Hopefully this will soften the blow.

[jlkz]

@Allegheny

Don’t feel guilty !  Congratulations on the anniversary !

DH and I privately celebrated our 50 th recently and had no need for gifts from others or between ourselves.  Happiness obliterated the need for “ things “.

If you want to recognize the 33rd with rings, do it !  Now, what will you want to recognize the 34th with.....and the 35th ?  See where this goes ?   And, if you don’t, does it mean anything ?

Instead, how about a “ just because... “ ?

[jlkz]

@Allegheny

Don’t feel guilty !  Congratulations on the anniversary !

DH and I privately celebrated our 50 th recently and had no need for gifts from others or between ourselves.  Happiness obliterated the need for “ things “ for us.

If you want to recognize the 25th with rings, do it !  Now, what will you want to recognize the 26th with.....and the 30th ?  See where this goes ?   And, if you don’t, does it mean anything ?

Instead, how about a “ just because... “ ?

[AuntG]

I agree with you BUT in this case I'd go along with the ring. You seem to have hit on the reason why it is important to him so I'd respect that. Is it possible to pick a less expensive ring and still take a nice vacation?

[tends2dogs]

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@jlkz wrote:

@Allegheny

Don’t feel guilty !  Congratulations on the anniversary !

DH and I privately celebrated our 50 th recently and had no need for gifts from others or between ourselves.  Happiness obliterated the need for “ things “ for us.

If you want to recognize the 25th with rings, do it !  Now, what will you want to recognize the 26th with.....and the 30th ?  See where this goes ?   And, if you don’t, does it mean anything ?

Instead, how about a “ just because... “ ?

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@jlkz  I love your statement "Happiness obliterated the need for things".  That is my DH and me to a T.  We have never bought gifts for special occasions.  My DH is good to me everyday.  We buy what we want when we want it.  Having to come up with a gift idea just because it is a certain date wasn't our style. 

BTW I lost my first wedding band.  It has been replaced, but I interchange wearing it with other rings.  It is a piece of jewelry, not our marriage or relationship. We have never bought gifts for special occasions.  We buy what we want when we want it.  This has worked for over 40 years.  DH has gone through at least 4 rings because he has worn them through - 2 of them were Eterna Gold - I would never recommend their stuff.  Anyway, now he is wearing a titanium band.  We'll see how long that lasts LOL.

@Allegheny  It all depends on your relationship with your husband.  I would be able to say to my DH, "Don't buy me a ring.  I would rather have a vacation (or whatever)."  He would be happy to not spend the $$ on something that wasn't wanted.  That is how it works for us.

I hope you work something out where both of you can be happy.

Happy Anniversary!

[NycVixen]

Last year, my DH and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. I had mentioned maybe a few times that I would like an anniversary band one day. We've been through a lot suffering pregnancy loss and he decided to buy me a 5 stone anniversary band as a surprise. I also thought it was an unnecessary expense.

However, I came to the realization that the band was more for him than for me. The grand gesture was a way to have a fresh start after everything we've been through. We had some hardship due to to everything and he wanted to make me feel appreciated. He's very proud of his ring choice which is absolutely beautiful.

Therefore, I strongly believe you should allow him to do this for both of you. Your husband seems to also want a sort of reset. The ring symbolizes him making things right for you regarding the engagement ring. 

Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary!!

[Suebdoo]

@Allegheny what about getting anniversary bands made?

[AuntG]

How touching @NycVixen. Your story could have went a whole different way had you refused.

[haddon9]

How nice of your husband to want a meaningful (to him) set of rings.  I would go with the flow but make sure you let him know what you really want.... and that's to travel a bit while you can. 

You never know what tomorrow brings and if one of you should suddenly become ill or disabled (and it happens often unexpectedly!) that could be the end of any travel opportunities.  One can always sit at home with a fine piece of jewelry but seeing a bit of the world before you can't is priceless!...Don't waste an opportunity to do so!

DH and I went on a Mediterranean cruise for our 25th.  For our 35th we just went out to a nice dinner but we plan on going to Ireland in the fall.

[LilacTree]

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@Allegheny wrote:

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@Kitlynn wrote:

I think it is really wonderful that he thought of doing that. You might consider having a right hand ring designed if you don't want to do it with your original ring. You don't have to go with diamonds you could pick a different stone that you really like. Congratulations to both of you.

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@Kitlynn  I've thought of that since I always wanted a quality birthstone ring, it wouldn't be inexpensive since I admit I am picky and would want a good gemstone.  He said "whatever" I wanted would be OK with him.

But,  don't laugh, my ring finger on my right hand is really bent from arthritis and I try not to draw attention to it.  The only finger I have left that isn't somewhat distorted is my ring finger on the left.

Edited:  Dang, if there was a way to fix the bent finger I'd rather he spend the $s on that.

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@Allegheny

My whole right hand veers to the right now, all fingers.  So far the left hand is straight, but the joints are in and out of place and very painful sometimes. 

So I understand you not wanting to draw attention to your hands.  I don't even wear nail polish anymore, because in addition to the disfigurement, my veins are extremely prominent and ugly.  My lower arms are full of brown spots from purpura scars as well.  I wear long sleeves even on the hottest days.

When others are around, I always cover my right hand with my left hand.  Whoever thinks stuff like this goes along with aging?  I never did.  But then I have RA and other autoimmune issues, and prednisone use for almost 15 years which does a real job on one's skin.

To think I used to agonize when I had a pimple on my face, or one of my nails broke . . . it's comical when one thinks of it.