Re: How would this make you feel?

Sweet Kitties · ‎09-03-2017

I would feel hurt too. Life's to short to bother with their obligitory parties. Stay with those who care about you.

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

@cookinfreak wrote:
@Janey2
Yes. They knew because my boss called my SIL after I called in sick for a few weeks and my SIL came to my house and called 911
cookin

The fact that your sister in law knew you were ill enough for an ambulance to be called and then no follow-up, no visit? Who does that?

I'll tell you who, an ignorant and uncaring person.

Also, not being included in pictures is very hurtful. Extremely hurtful! That would be the reason I'd never show up for a holiday!

Of course, if you decline or ignore future invites, you may be questioned (or not!) about why. You'd probably have to pour out your heart to them. Which is sad. But it may be very therapeutic for you.

Poohbear52 · ‎07-12-2024

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Family acting that way is very hurtful. I would maybe take the advice from here and get the support you need with your friends group.

lynnie61 · ‎04-28-2010

@cookinfreak I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. I have a small family. We do spend holidays together, talk often, but sometimes a bit between visits. I think it is hard at holidays. My sister and I have spouse/partners, but we don't have kids. My sister and BIL, my dad, his lady friend, and my guy (we're not married), are important. I think I would cut the ties. Who does family pictures and leaves someone out? Geez. Very sad. Your SIL came and called 911 but then didn't follow up? Yes, I would be very hurt.

My brothers kids, only called near THEIR birthdays, and near Christmas. Those gifting days are over. Youngest is 24. You have never even called or texted near my birthday.

Holidays are hard. A coworkers family member had passed away, she was divorced. I asked her to come for Christmas a few years ago, she declined, but she was at least invited. I can imagine holidays can be hard for many. You sound like you have some caring friends. Enjoy time with them.

Janey2 · ‎06-07-2010

In the hospital for 10 days and your sister in law did not even call you? That would be the reason I would not have anything to do with her. Who does this? She should have gone to see you many times knowing she is the only " family" you have. I would not blame the children as they are following their mother's lead. Although as adults they should know better.
as far as taking pictures without you and you are sitting there is just plain rude. She is obviously a woman without any brains or feelings. I would not waste my time being with these people. Put your energy into your friends who are more caring towards you than your famiy. They are not worth your time.

cookinfreak · ‎03-31-2010

Thanks all for the input. You have all pretty much told me what I was thinking. Just wanted confirmation and I wasn't blowing this out of proportion.

@JYWilliams I will tell my SIL what I feel if she calls about Thanksgiving. Would not even be surprised if I don't hear anything.

cookin

We rescue cats · ‎01-25-2023

If they care.jpg

Lynn-Critter Lover!
(especially cats!)

Zoe · ‎06-10-2015

None of what you said would make me feel great. Sorry that you are feeling low and often left out.

But I have a hard question to ask...have you had an actual conversation with your SIL about how you feel? It doesn't sound like you have. But the thing about relationships is that it takes two people. You have expressed some expectations of her/them and some disappointments, but maybe you haven't shared that with the actual people who are hurting you (intentionally or otherwise).

My only sibling has also passed, so I understand a bit about your situation. It was only later in life that I met my partner, but I was the solo relative for many, many decades. Yes, I was an obligation to them. Did they intend that? No. They forgot to call me to invite me to one of their children's graduations. Did it hurt? Yeah. Did I tell them that? I sure did (in an appropriate manner). Did they check in with me when I was fighting cancer? Only with the obligatory "glad you're out of the hospital" flowers.

The thing is...life sometimes calls for difficult conversations. Your mind might be spinning, reading a lot into intention and interpreting what might be the case. Take a deep breath and give yourself some reprieve by having the direct conversation. It's fine to say, "You're my family, my only family. I really needed more support when I was sick. Is it too much to ask you to call to check in during those times or visit every so often? I really want to be in touch with you all more often and hear about what's going on in your lives. Not just on holidays." And they may say that it is too much. Or they may say that they didn't realize and that they'll put more effort in.

You don't know until you have the actual conversation.

Janey2 · ‎06-07-2010

@Zoe I understand what you are saying BUT if said it sounds like begging for their friendship. I do not want to be with people because they pity me. I want people to ask me to join them because they truly want my company.

it did cross my mind that the poster never mentioned inviting these people over to her house and maybe that has something to do with the problem. But not visiting someone who is in the hospital for 10 days, well there is no excuse for that.