How would this make you feel? - Page 7

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

The same thing happened to me and my sister. Once my brother died, we were dead to her.

Neither my sister or myself were mentioned in his obituary because that wouldn't have been "fair" to her side of the family. Huh, okay.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@sabatini wrote:
Sometimes it helps to hear things from other's perspectives.
I had a maiden aunt who was always included in family get togethers. Perhaps because she lived alone, she looked at everything through a narrow lens.
She'd say "So&so never calls me." But she never made a call.
She'd say "I walked into the room and no one even said hello." But she could've easily walked into the room with a breezy wave and a cheery "Hello, all!", couldn't she?

I learned something from a friend many years ago when I told him that I was dreading a particular family event.
He'd been a drama major in college and was a very theatrical kind of guy. Well, he swept his arm upward with a flourish and cried out "ACTING!", & told me to pretend that I was in a starring role of: a joyful guest who would enjoy every single moment of that ghastly event....and it worked!!
Everyone there thought I was the most delightful of guests and was having the most marvelous time.

As @Sooner previously mentioned, family events don't need to be like a Norman Rockwell painting, so just relax, @cookinfreak, and try to enjoy the day.
And when it's time for Family Pictures, be the 1st one to stand up and say "Yippee! I'm in!"

Excellent idea. When you insist that it is the responsibility of others to make you feel good - especially if they begin to think that you are dissatisfied with efforts they do make, it pushes them away rather than creates bonds with them.

blinksmom · ‎11-24-2011

@cookinfreak

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I and probably many people can relate o your situation. My husband died 5 yrs ago and at first everyone kept intouch ,slowly things dwindled down to a few text here and there. I still send cards for special days but it finally occured to me that it was one sided. I finally accepted how things are and do my best to enjoy my friends and family that I'm lucky to have. It's not easy and at times I miss having my in-laws in my life,but things will get better.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@blinksmom wrote:
@cookinfreak

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I and probably many people can relate o your situation. My husband died 5 yrs ago and at first everyone kept intouch ,slowly things dwindled down to a few text here and there. I still send cards for special days but it finally occured to me that it was one sided. I finally accepted how things are and do my best to enjoy my friends and family that I'm lucky to have. It's not easy and I at times I miss having my in-laws in my life,but tjings will get better.

It was OP's brother, not her husband, who died. Her SIL is a widow. We don't know how long ago this was - or if SIL is still grieving. We were told SIL has had "several" medical emergiencies with her grandchildren to deal with. So she may have more on her plate than assuring OP feels sufficiently included.

She is apparently on call for emergencies for OP, but it could be that she is overwhelmed with her own issues.

OP didn't say what she has done to reach out to SIL and her children/grandchildren other than to say she "wasn't told" about the medical emergencies until after the fact, so it's hard to know if she has been making all the effort to stay close and they have just rejected her.