I'm not an expert on anything but I will tell you a weird thing that happened to me that I will never forget.
I had a very vivid dream one night that I had a conversation with an old HS classmate. He was the biggest jerk to people in HS. One of the popular jocks. In my dream, he apologized to me and he really hoped that I would forgive him. I was really confused. I asked him in my dream, "why are you here?" He told me "he could not get to the next level unless I forgave him." I told him, "OK, of course I forgive you." I had no clue why I dreamt this because honestly, I had not given this guy a second thought since high school. I just chalked my experience with him in HS as " building my character."
The following morning, I told my husband about it and I said to my husband that the dream seemed so real, like he was actually here in our house. I told my husband, I actually felt better after my dream. So that same morning, I opened up the newspaper. In the obit section, there was my classmate's picture. He had died in a horrible work accident. I was stunned but calm. I showed his picture to my husband. I said, 'that's the guy who I dreamt about last night." To say the least, my husband was a little freaked out.
Years later, I did learn that this classmate from HS, his father had molested his sisters (and maybe even him) and the father even molested the classmate's children. The father went to prison. When I learned this, I told the person, maybe that's why our classmate was such a "jerk." We had no clue what was going on in that household while we were in HS.
Forgiveness is a tricky business but we all need it and we all need to do it at some point. Forgiveness doesn't mean we gave that person permission for the transgression. For example. you may forgive your abuser but would you be expected to hang around them? I don't think so. I also think it's easier to be forgiven if you ask for it rather than wait for it from someone else. Again, I'm no expert but just my thoughts.