Among Friends

[Imaoldhippie]

@Love my grandkids ...............I understand completely how you feel.  I have not forgiven my mother for her physical and mental abuse she inflicted on my brother and me.  I blame her for the death of my brother whom could not handle the mental abuse and he drank himself to death.  My brother was 9 years younger than me and we were very close, especially in the later years.  I still have not healed from his death and probably never will.

[CalminHeart]

What a beautiful story. 

Asking for forgiveness is the right thing to do. It isn't always easy but it does wonders for our hearts and minds as well as for those who forgive us.

Forgiveness and mercy are key messages in all religions. It's not just from God or higher power; it's from each one of us to another.   

If you pray, think about the words. Even the Our Father asks God to forgive us as we forgive others.

[Mom2Dogs]

I can forgive...which I have (my sister).  She is mean, vindictive and forgets nothing..as she saw the instance(s) unfold.  

What I do not do is have contact with her.

[Sooner]

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@luvmybeetle wrote:

 @Sooner    That was very well said.  God bless.

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 @luvmybeetle Thank you.  I am old and have a relative who has brought up the question in my mind recently about cruel people and how you deal with it.  

[katie1859]

We are asked to forgive as we are forgiven by God.

If you do, others are forgiven. If you don't they are not.

As we see in our society, in forgiveness forges to separation and hatred.

I've worked in Hospice and I have not seen the narrative you discussed.

I did not witness this at my mother's passing in hospice either.

Forgiveness can be vocal but also silent 

Forgiving someone in your heart frees the spirit, brings you to be one with God's heart.

Forgiveness is transforming and pleasing.

I have learned this and do this daily in pray because as a child of God forgiveness is a way of life.  We are imperfect in an imperfect world/life. 

[ThinkingOutLoud]

This topic is one that so many people misunderstand. We forgive for our own wellness and peace of mind, whether or not the offender ever acknowledges what they did (though that would be nice). Sometimes forgiveness isn't easy and it's a choice you make/remind yourself of over and over again but forgiving does not mean that the person is absolved of responsibilty nor does it mean you have to put yourself in a position to be hurt again.

On the flip side, not everyone understands what it takes to make things right either. It means recognizing what you did, feeling badly about it, admitting to the person what you did was wrong, repairing the damage as much as possible, and resolving not to repeat the mistake. 

[Forbidden Fruit]

I'm not an expert on anything but I will tell you a weird thing that happened to me that I will never forget.  

I had a very vivid dream one night that I had a conversation with an old HS classmate.  He was the biggest jerk to people in HS. One of the popular jocks.  In my dream, he apologized to me and he really hoped that I would forgive him.  I was really confused.  I asked him in my dream, "why are you here?"  He told me "he could not get to the next level unless I forgave him."  I told him, "OK, of course I forgive you." I had no clue why I dreamt this because honestly, I had not given this guy a second thought since high school.  I just chalked my experience with him in HS as  " building my character."

The following morning, I told my husband about it and I said to my husband that the dream seemed so real, like he was actually here in our house. I told my husband, I actually felt better after my dream.  So that same morning, I opened up the newspaper.  In the obit section, there was my classmate's picture.  He had died in a horrible work accident.  I was stunned but calm. I showed his picture to my husband.  I said, 'that's the guy who I dreamt about last night."  To say the least, my husband was a little freaked out. 

Years later, I did learn that this classmate from HS, his father had molested his sisters (and maybe even him) and the father even molested the classmate's children.  The father went to prison.  When I learned this, I told the person, maybe that's why our classmate was such a "jerk."  We had no clue what was going on in that household while we were in HS.

Forgiveness is a tricky business but we all need it and we all need to do it at some point. Forgiveness doesn't mean we gave that person permission for the transgression. For example. you may forgive your abuser but would you be expected to hang around them?  I don't think so.  I also think it's easier to be forgiven if you ask for it rather than wait for it from someone else. Again, I'm no expert but just my thoughts.

[wagirl]

Forgiveness is hard-----I can forget, sometimes,  but to forgive--that's what I have troubles with. Mostly dealing with my deceased mother and my ex spouse-----both did awful things regarding the family, mostly mental/verbal abuse, nothing physical, but still very damaging. They both never apologized or even realized or wanted to accept, what horrible people they had become. It's hard and very sad----

[Love my grandkids]

@Shanus I'm Catholic but am very familiar with Yom Kippur and I think it's a wonderful tradition.

Just a note:  I never lit a candle after Confession.

[Love my grandkids]

@Imaoldhippie Thank you for your kind response. I was really expecting blowback. I'm sorry for what you did and continue to suffer. It's easy for others to say we should forgive, isn't it?