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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,270
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I am a widow with two grown children that I get along with. I never ask for help and never get into their affairs.  When they call or visit I keep it positive. The issue that is making me sad is that my married son and his wife always take her mother with them on vacations but have never invited me. I never have said anything, but it hursts me. I have always treated his wife like my own daughter and her children as my own grandchildren. Her two kids are now in college. The one has a family weekend coming up and they are all going, I asked my son if I could also attend because I would love to see where my granddaughter goes to school ( it is in another state) and to see her, He said they talked about it and decided to keep it just her family.  I have always spent the same amount on her children as I do on my other grandkids and treated them with the same loving care since they were small when they married.  Sorry to keep venting,  I just have been in tears because i feel left out and not needed. I am in my early 70's and an active person, so I know I should shrug this off, but it is hard to do so.

Thank you for listening.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,482
Registered: ‎11-08-2020

@Calcgirl , perhaps you could suggest going with them on another trip?  There may be some reason they want to do things separately.  I know when DH and I travel we prefer to do it alone.  That gives us the freedom to change plans without notice.  We are also early risers and, if it is a long car trip, we usually head for home very early in the morning.  I don't think many people would like our schedule.

 

Don't give up.  Give it some time and try again!  LM

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,539
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Calcgirl 

 

I am so sorry you are feeling hurt and left out.  I know that family life can be so very difficult at times.  

I hope that your son and his family will have a change of heart and things will be easier for you.

 

 

“People do, I don’t.”
Cosmo Kramer
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,343
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

@Calcgirl .................I completely understand your hurt feelings.  My DIL does not like me at all, never has.  So her mom always comes first.  I dont do or say anything because I dont want to cause any trouble for my son, and she would cause him some grief.  She is not one of my favorite people either.

Blowing out someone elses candle does not make yours burn brighter. (unknown)
Regular Contributor
Posts: 228
Registered: ‎10-15-2021

This may sound different yet see if you can not make anyone wrong, yourself or the others. Allow. Allow the hurt to be there without the addition of a story. Feeling left out is different than I am being left out. Acceptance of what is transforms. Resistance creates persistence. Acceptance doesn't mean you do nothing it just allows rather than forcing a solution. I have been taught what is in my way is the way. Make friends with it and the form of it will change. You are not what is happening you are the space in which everything happens. Observe the feelings then without thought, labels, interpretations and this to shall pass. Be gentle with you 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,288
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

It's hard to not feel left out when they are going on these trips and not including you. Maybe there is more going on regarding the MIL and the rest of your DIL's family and your son feels he has to act this way to keep things running smoothly with his wife.  It's hurtful, yes, to not be included.  But it sounds like you are a good mother and grandmother and you have done nothing wrong.  So, hold your head up high and just keep being you -- kind and thoughtful!  It won't do any good to complain and be negative to your son - in fact, it will probably strain the relationship you have.  However, there is nothing wrong with you saying to him when you hear that a trip or occasion is coming up with saying something like --- oh, that sounds like fun or that sounds lovely -- do you have room for one more?  

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,401
Registered: ‎05-22-2014

@Calcgirl, I am very sorry you are hurt, and I do think you have reason to be.  I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t.

I am sure you are a loving and inclusive person who would never hurt anyone.  Unfortunately, I have two friends who have similar relationships with their daughters-in-law.  For no apparent reason.  

 

Maybe you could get together with a friend or two while you are being left out.  You might consider joining a nice group of ladies at your church or senior center and make some new friends.  I know it is hard when one is older to make new friends, and it must be hard to be widowed, but maybe you might give it a try.  It would help to take the”sting” out of being rejected.  All my best wishes.

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,238
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Feeling Left Out

[ Edited ]

I too am so sorry you are hurt - sorry they won't include you for whatever reason.

I would not however ask them to include you in any trips.  
Make travel plans with a friend or go somewhere with a group.  Maybe start by going on a day trip and go from there.  AAA for instance has lots of trips of all kinds.  There are travel/tour groups for singles too.

Enjoy your life - don't wait for them.

(((HUGS)))

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,148
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

Thank you for expressing your sadness and trusting that you would find support by coming here and voicing your sadness.  Families, often our greatest source of love can also be our greatest sorrow.  

 

The members here have posted some wonderful ideas.  You are a loving and kind person, I can understand you're hurt.   Only you know if mentioning in a kind way to your son that you would appreciate being included in the family events would be appropriate.  Or perhaps it is best to spend time with friends and accept  time spent with your family is precious and their decisions are not meant to hurt you.  I just want you to know that my heart is with you and there are supportive friends here. 💓 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,159
Registered: ‎06-07-2010

Just a thought....is it possible her mother is paying for the vacation and that is why she is included?  You can ask your son (in private) why you are not invited to go on these vacations. I am a believer in finding out the reasons for things. Whatever reason he gives accept it. Sometimes it is better to leave things alone or they can get worse.