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Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,527
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

 

I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation.  I know this decision is mine and I have been pondering it for a long time but sometimes just hearing what others think who are not involved and do not know the parties, could be helpful.  

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I have been best friends with this person since we were like 8 years old.  All through school and beyond, up until about age 48 or 50.  We live about 1 1/2 hours away from each other and with work and family things we really didn't get together that often after we married, etc., but we would send cards, call occasionally, and get together for a girl day occasionally.  

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I have to say thinking back, when we did get together, it was always me calling and making a plan and then she would often say she was too busy and it would involve me calling and calling then finally getting a meeting set.

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Eventually, one time she cancelled so many times that I just kind of gave up and said, well, when you have time or are not too busy, call me and let me know when you want to get together.

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Well, time went on and on --- and she never did call or write or anything!

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This was before we all had e-mails, cell phones, etc.  So, I wrote her a really nice letter explaining that I missed her and our friendship and didn't understand why just had let it go to the wayside.  I understood that we all had work, family,etc.  But by then, all family was grown up, etc.  I asked her, couldn't we please try and put our friendship back together?  She never responded to my letter!  I was very hurt and figured --- after all these years -- and she couldn't even make time to send a card or call.

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So, our friendship just became a card at birthdays and a card at Christmas.  For 20 years this has gone on this way.

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I told DH --- who knows how many years we have left.  I feel bad about this.  I sent her a Christmas card and told her that I would really love to hear from her sometime and if she would want to and I gave her my e-mail address.  She did shortly thereafter drop me a very short e-mail and stated that she was glad that I reached out and she would like to hear from me.  Resume friendship???  Didn't really say..... 

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I e-mailed back and told her she had a special place in my heart and always would and I hated that our friendship fell away the way it did and I really wanted to resume our friendship if possible.  She replied that she would like to still keep in touch.

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However, she has e-mailed me maybe once and her reply is like 2 or 3 words and she never asked me how I am, how is DH, or my family (and she knew all of them very well), etc. 

It's almost like she is replying just to be polite but she really doesn't care.

 

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So, it has been 2 weeks since we were in contact.  I don't think I will try any further unless she shows me something more, as I really don't thing she gives two cents!

 

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Any opinions???

 

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I just wanted to to give the friendship one last try, given the longeviity of it and our past history,

 

Thanks!!!

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,063
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

You are giving friendship a try. Keep doing what you are doing. You are keeping in touch.

Sometimes things work out,sometimes they don't. You are being too hard on yourself.

And there was no one left to speak out for me....
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,299
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

Face it, as much as you want her friendship, she's just not that into you.  Friendships wax and wane and this one has run its course.  She has been showing you how little she values your friendship by her responses, yet, you keep contacting her.  It's time to give it up and move on.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,365
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

[ Edited ]

@AngelPuppy1,

 

I had a similar friendship. I've known her since we were about 8 or 7-all our lives. We were best friends and reconnected every time of our lives up thru adults -thru highschool and then in person after we had children of our own. It was wonderful seeing each other in person as if the years hadn't passed.

 

She would always say it was wonderful call her any time but every time we were going to meet, she would not be able to or not respond after emailing or leaving a message. etc. 

 

I think life had just become so much for her in terms of well ,life and maybe what she was dealing with. She moved out of state.

 

The strange thing was a mutual friend always said our friend wanted to get in touch with me but I thought it would be the same or again would try to reach out to her. I think maybe she just was overwhelmed with her own life.

 

So I decided that like another friend said, there are seasons to things, a friendship. I've learned to appreciate those seasons and understand why some find it too much to continue a friendship forever. 

 

I still think of her often and still would love to hear from her again but understand why some relationships just kind of dissolve and I'll have to just appreciate the times we did have to together.

 

Some people maybe get to the point where they can only connect with those they are near-like able to see each other in person. That is not unusual. Life we deal with in person can get

so time consuming and all encompassing. I've learned to not take it personally. I will always care about her and treasure the friendship we had.

 

And, just like her, I think maybe we all along the way, decide how much we can continue to keep up not in person relationships. It can just be deciding what has meaning for our lives now and how much we can continue to keep reaching out - everything has a season and instead of being sad I always think about that and try to appreciate those seasons.   

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,825
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

@AngelPuppy1 

 

I agree with your assessment of the situation, and would just let it go for awhile.

 

You have made a good faith effort to resuscitate the relationship, without much in return. 

 

She has had many opportunities to stay engaged and has not.

 

People will find time to do things that are important to them.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,532
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

I think your one statement is spot on...she really doesn't give 2 cents. 

 

Me personally, I would never put much effort into reconnecting with someone who so obviously is not interested. 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,364
Registered: ‎07-21-2014

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

My thought is just let it go. If she was really interested in being friends she would make time and she would reply to you about it.  I have had to let friends just go and it takes time to feel ok with it but in time you will. Sad always to lose good friends. Hugs

Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light. —Helen Keller
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,821
Registered: ‎03-24-2010

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

Nope, it's a shame but she doesn't care . I'm sorry but clearly you're the better person. You are so done with her. Hugs

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,036
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

Evidently she does not feel about the friendship like you do.  You both have to want the friendship and evidently she does not.   If she ever changes her mind she knows how to reach you.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,423
Registered: ‎10-11-2017

Re: I'd like your thoughts on a friend situation......

[ Edited ]

I would say the balls in her court. If she gets in touch, I'm glad for you, but if not let it go.