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Contributor
Posts: 47
Registered: ‎08-10-2010

Hi,

 

i do not have any children and lost a daughter through adoption 17 years ago.  I have four nieces and nephews who have treated great.  I do this with my heart and never even received a card on my birthday or Christmas.  On e nephew is my Godson who I Practically grew up along with his brother years ago.  Last weekend my nephew's daughter graduating from highschool.  They were having a big party the day after.  My nephew told me about this on the phone 6 months.  I waited day afyer day and no invitation came.  3 days before the party my nehew's daughter was at the door with the invitation.  I hah mentioned to my other nephew 3 days beforre that as of that day I did't have an invitation.  I found out that all the other aunts AND UNCLES RECIEVED theirs over 2 months.  I waa an afterthought or maybe, excluded from the party!  Why is what I am asking.  I only have done so much for them.  Sometimes they wouldn't even thank me.  /////my nieces are on their brothers side when I told them that /I must not me part of the family.  I have been very sick for a month with a fractured wrist that they all knew.ABOUT.  nOT ANY CARDS or get well wishes. I have 1 brother who lives 10minutes away and haven't  seen him in 3 years.  When everyone is sick I always send out cards.  He never even calls me to see how I am.  I suffer from depression and anxiety for 29 years,   I don't have any family.  I feel so hurt and cryed all day Sunday.  Why did my nephew treat me like garbage?????

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,215
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

IT is okay to feel hurt,  i can understand ,i would be also, i just do not know why people  do these things, if i were you i would step back, not sending cards, you do not have to be their doormat, i am so sorry  you are experincing this ,i also have depression,have had it most of my life, it really stinks.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 580
Registered: ‎04-20-2010

You can't change  of explain other people's behavior.  You can't  expect people to be thoughtful when they obviously are not.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,765
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Pasta Lover Family can be very hurtful....I have experienced this pain as have many that post here.  I had to cut ties with two siblings, they were just very difficult and not worth the pain thay caused me...I was the one they both called when they wanted/needed something but just got tired of being their door mat.

 

I have no answer for you, about the very late invitation, it was very rude....I would be hurt as well...I would quit sending gifts, cards, etc., and see what happens.   Did you attend the party?

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 37,901
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

So very sorry.  I especially don't understand your brother not inviting you over which in my view, inexcuseable.

 

The nieces and nephews you mention have apparently not been taught by their parents.  The others no excuse.

 

I would also dintance myself, go to a counselor for the anxiety.  Maybe a part time position at a card shop or resale shop would give you some involvement, as would joining a book club.

 

I wish we lived closer together and I would love to take you out to lunch and drag you to the various craft shows!Smiley Happy

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,036
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

Re: Feeling Hurt

[ Edited ]

I'm sorry you felt excluded and hurt.  These days, most people really don't send out get well cards...sometimes not even birthday cards anymore.  Most use Facebook or text messages to send greetings like that.  Are you on Facebook and can you get text messages?  Since you are posting here, I'm assuming you use a computer.  That might help communication.

 

I know in my family, my brother is a dear person and we love each other...but he never visits me, either.  I don't take it as a personal insult.  If I called and needed him to do something, he would.  Have you called your brother, or are you waiting for him to make the first move?

 

You say you have battled anxiety and depression for 29 years.  Are you under a doctor's care for these conditions and do you take medication?  I also know from experience how difficult it is to have a good relationship with someone who is chronically depressed but won't follow doctor's instructions.  Not saying this is the case with you....but it could be an explanation of the lack of closeness you are looking for.

 

Do you have a spouse?  Friends?  A church you attend?  Any volunteer work, pets, hobbies?   

 

I hope you still went to the graduation party, since you DID get the written invitation you requested (though very late).  How did you find out your other siblings got their invitations 2 months ago?

 

A lot of questions here...but I'm trying to understand the situation more completely.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,097
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

  I too have been deeply hurt by family & close friends whom I’ve been very good to. I learned a very hard & painful lesson over the years.

 Now I treat everybody well until they give me a reason not to.I no longer come back over & over again just to repeatedly get “punched in the gut”.

  Maya Angelou said”When someone shows you who they are believe them”.And now I do & act accordingly.I’m a much happier person now. I have a small circle of friends & a few close family members who I can count on.

 Don’t be anybody’s fool. Insulate yourself.Take a step back & cut those people who don’t appreciate you out of your life. You don’t need them. 

 

Super Contributor
Posts: 304
Registered: ‎07-18-2018

I don't have any answers or understanding to why anybody does what they do. I can say though that it seems like we all are so much busier than we used to be (I know, poor excuse). I think basically we all have good intentions, we just forget about what is really important. Raising children is not easy these days and when you factor in the increasing demands of work and finances we can sometimes get lost. Talking to a professional might be helpful. Anyway, bottom line is you are never really alone.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,341
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Oh dear.  This is horrible.  There has to be reason.  No one ostracizes one single family member, while inviting others, without a reason.  If you truly don't understand, is there someone to ask?  One of your nephew's parents?


-- pro-aging --


Rochester, New York
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,120
Registered: ‎03-29-2019

Re: Feeling Hurt

[ Edited ]

If you really want to know why they treat you the way that they do, there is only one way to find out.

 

Ask them.

 

All we can do here is just guess.

 

 

The ones to ask is your own family.

 

 

But be prepared to hear some things that you might not like.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.