Among Friends

[vsm]

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@Venezia wrote:

I'm also wondering why this co-worker (?) feels the need to call twice a day or that @BunSnoop feels the need to answer.

If none of this is work related, I'd simply let it all go to voicemail, then delete and not return the calls.  Sooner or later the woman would (should) get the message.

Same for IMs.  Not work related?  Delete.  There's nothing in the OP to indicate this person is a friend outside of work.  Maybe she's lonely and this is her way of connecting with someone else, but it doesn't have to become the OP's responsibility.

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Your first sentence says it all, @Venezia . Seems to me that if one is yawning while the other is yakking (even though she says she "hates" the calls), they'e boring each other to death. Your solutions make sense.

[jannabelle1]

I wouldn't even begin to try to figure out what her motive is or what her issue is! She sounds like a bored and a boring person. You have work to do and shouldn't feel obligated to listen to such nonsense twice a day when she has absolutely nothing to say. She's sure not calling you about anything work related! I'd do the same as others have suggested....let the calls go to voice mail and then ignore them. Ignore the IMs as well. If she happens to ask you why you don't return the calls, I'd just say that you've had a lot of things you're workng on and let it go at that. You really do not owe her an explanation or an excuse.

[suzyQ3]

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@BunSnoop wrote:

 I appreciate everyones suggestions and comments:

In regards to work, it seems as though she has slipped about the last 3 -4 years.  In the past, she was a supervisor but since our department got so small, they had us report to someone else and her title changed from supervisor to Senior xxxxxxxx  xxxxxxx.  (However, they did not reduce her salary.  She printed a paycheck stub when we were working in the office and forgot to pick it up.  I saw the figures.  She's assigned the same responsibilities as me, but makes $13,000 a year more). 

People in the past had said that she was "brilliant".  I agree, she was very knowledgeable, but not so much now.   She makes a lot of very dumb mistakes and often asks questions on how to do what I consider to be a simple task.   

We have a weekly video meeting with our supervisor and for the last year she has worn the same sports team t-shirt to every single meeting.

  She has never been to a doctor until the last year when she went to the emergency room for a fall and they saw how high her blood pressure was.  She never would of told me about going to the emergency room, but her husband called before they left to go to the emergency room to find out what local hospital was in our PPO Network. 

She has family but complains that it soooo far to visit them.  (They only live 1 hour away).  Maybe she is depressed, but her family, or especially her husband, should then help her.  

Oh well, I hope to retire in 2 years - so hopefully that will be the end of those daily phone calls at work.  Once retired, I will be using the caller I.D. and answering machine to help me out with this problem.

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This change in her that you talk about it could possibly be the beginning of some type of dementia, @BunSnoop 

[gertrudecloset]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@gertrudecloset wrote:

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

The most awkward part of this is that she's a coworker. It could be uncomfortable in the workplace if you stop taking her calls.

Perhaps you could starting saying that you are in the middle of something and can't chat now. Maybe after doing this whenever she calls, she might get the message.

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If it's work related don't you think she'd continue to call @suzyQ3 ?  At some point (at work) you have to do the hard stuff to get the job done.

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I have no idea what you mean in regard to my post, @gertrudecloset. Fact is, I do believe that you are, for some reason, targeting me. I guess I somehow offended you in the last couple days.

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Are you serious?  Who targeting you?  I asked why you make the suggestion you did to the OP because sometimes you have no other choice but to deal with people you don't want to to get the job done.  You responded to several of my posts and I responded back to you, never thinking you were targeting me.  Just having your say.

Really now!  @suzyQ3 .  It was a simple and fair question.  Read it again.

[gertrudecloset]

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@BunSnoop wrote:

 I appreciate everyones suggestions and comments:

In regards to work, it seems as though she has slipped about the last 3 -4 years.  In the past, she was a supervisor but since our department got so small, they had us report to someone else and her title changed from supervisor to Senior xxxxxxxx  xxxxxxx.  (However, they did not reduce her salary.  She printed a paycheck stub when we were working in the office and forgot to pick it up.  I saw the figures.  She's assigned the same responsibilities as me, but makes $13,000 a year more). 

People in the past had said that she was "brilliant".  I agree, she was very knowledgeable, but not so much now.   She makes a lot of very dumb mistakes and often asks questions on how to do what I consider to be a simple task.   

We have a weekly video meeting with our supervisor and for the last year she has worn the same sports team t-shirt to every single meeting.

  She has never been to a doctor until the last year when she went to the emergency room for a fall and they saw how high her blood pressure was.  She never would of told me about going to the emergency room, but her husband called before they left to go to the emergency room to find out what local hospital was in our PPO Network. 

She has family but complains that it soooo far to visit them.  (They only live 1 hour away).  Maybe she is depressed, but her family, or especially her husband, should then help her.  

Oh well, I hope to retire in 2 years - so hopefully that will be the end of those daily phone calls at work.  Once retired, I will be using the caller I.D. and answering machine to help me out with this problem.

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@BunSnoop if you must work with her to get certain aspects of your job done, what can you do?  Deal with it, right?  I would work on whatever it is you two are dealing with then go on to the rest of the day's work.

If she's a co worker you have no work involvement with other than you work for the same employer ~ then simply tell her you have work to do and that you and she could catch up later.  I'll bet if you invited her to lunch she'd be the same.  No one knows what's going on with this woman except the woman.  Boundaries.  Put them up or deal with her calling you (work related or not).

[77yangya]

I've had my share of those.  I hear ya...

[skatting44]

 You can work or know people for years and   not really know them  .

Maybe the lady doesn't have a life  so she lives vicariously through your life.  Maybe that's why she does not go into detail  abt her life.

 Wonder why she yawns, ? does she watch late night tv .

For me , since she is a co worker , I'd limit the chit chat during  business time . She may be using the  phone chit chat  time with you   as an excuse  for not  performing  her job tasks .  I'd let her calls go through  voicemail , unless they are truly work related.

[skatting44]

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@BunSnoop wrote:

No, she does not call other co-workers; however, our department only consists of three employees!

 I would sometimes share with her things that were work related that I learned during the day, but I've stopped that also as she never would "share" anything with me.

No, she will not be on this forum.  She only goes on her home computer once a year to order on-line Christmas gifts for her husband and 2 sisters.  She does not shop otherwise - her husband does the grocery shopping. All of those other things that you may need during the year (for example, underwear, kitchen towels,  new boots, a new pair of pants, etc.) she places on her list of items that she wants for Christmas.  

She likes to read - so I gave her a book of mine that someone I know wrote.  She's had it for now over 5 years and never has returned it.  She said that she likes to read on her nook so she has not got to it as it's a paperback.    I gave up hinting that I wanted the book back, and purchased another copy for myself!  I've tried asking her what is she currently reading, and her response will be a book of an author that she's read in the past and likes and she does not add anything else, like....it's a good mystery, romance, the name of the author, etc.

I'll mention that I planted flowers over the weekend.  Then there is silence.  She does not say anything.  I think an easy reply she could say is - how nice, what type did you plant?   She is just silent!

I sometimes just feel so nervous and uncomfortable, that I start talking about basically nothing and I feel so stupid afterwards - of course, she's silent.

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 Could this lady be a victim of  spousal abuse ?  

[chiclet]

I have known a few people like that and it is exhausting because you have to hold up the conversation.  Constantly

having to ask a question you hold they will expand upon.  It is worse on the phone. With email and text you can just end it easier.  

[LTT1]

@BunSnoop 

It seems I DID (used to lol) have a friend like this. 
I remember she did get angry once about me not going somewhere with her. I put an end to that friendship!

It seems her phone calls were the same as yours. I was way younger then and didn't have a clue how to handle.

I believe with this type of person you need to ask her questions.

'If you know ANYTHING about her life, ask. For instance: "What did you buy at the grocery store this week?"

I know...that's boring too, but I'm interested to know what she says and if it sparks anything at all?

And with a non-converser such as this, you would spend a lot of time dreaming up questions!

Sounds like work to me! Good Luck!