Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist??? - Page 6

wagirl · ‎03-09-2010

YES!!!!! My soon to be X is horrible--unless it involves muscle cars, some sports and the"elephant" party especially one certain guy---he would rant and rage and literally, the veins in his neck would pop out ,then he would leave the area----to do what, I'm not sure --maybe go kick something ??? We never talked about any of it but when we did he was awful---one reason he will soon be Mr.X used to tell him to simmer down---or he'd blow out one of those veins--sheesh!!!

San Antonio Gal · ‎05-18-2017

@BunSnoop - After reading all the responses, have you decided what you're going to do? Are you still going to have the twice daily phone calls with your friend? What's the verdict?

BunSnoop · ‎05-22-2010

@San Antonio Gal, we both work from home, we both have the same job responsibilities - sometimes we do need to speak to each other on the phone to discuss work related issues.

Since this routine has been going on for several years, I think it will be difficult to all of a sudden just say, call me only to discuss work related issues, but please don't call if it's just to chat. Maybe some people would have no issues saying that to her, but I can't.

Yes, sometimes I do IM her and say, don't call - I don't have time I have to finish something before the day ends, or I take the phone off the hook so it's busy - but I just can't do these things everyday.

The calls are short as I'm just too tired to try to find small talk topics. I just consider this as something I have to deal with as it's "part of my job".

.

Sage04 · ‎07-10-2011

@suzyQ3 wrote:
@gertrudecloset wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
The most awkward part of this is that she's a coworker. It could be uncomfortable in the workplace if you stop taking her calls.

Perhaps you could starting saying that you are in the middle of something and can't chat now. Maybe after doing this whenever she calls, she might get the message.
If it's work related don't you think she'd continue to call @suzyQ3 ? At some point (at work) you have to do the hard stuff to get the job done.
I have no idea what you mean in regard to my post, @gertrudecloset. Fact is, I do believe that you are, for some reason, targeting me. I guess I somehow offended you in the last couple days.
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That response was strange. Had to read it a few times.

BunSnoop · ‎05-22-2010

Today my attempt for a conversation was to discuss how muggy it was outside this morning, but I said I did see quite a lot of people outside walking, riding their bikes and walking their dogs. I said I guess everyone wanted to get out in the morning as it'll probably be worse this afternoon. I then said I heard it's going to be like that here through the weekend.

Her response was "I see"!

I then said unless you've got something to add, I have to go. She said she had nothing. I then said good bye. She yawned and I hung up!

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@BunSnoop wrote:
Today my attempt for a conversation was to discuss how muggy it was outside this morning, but I said I did see quite a lot of people outside walking, riding their bikes and walking their dogs. I said I guess everyone wanted to get out in the morning as it'll probably be worse this afternoon. I then said I heard it's going to be like that here through the weekend.

Her response was "I see"!

I then said unless you've got something to add, I have to go. She said she had nothing. I then said good bye. She yawned and I hung up!

@BunSnoop, those calls would drive me absolutely nuts.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@BunSnoop wrote:
I work with a woman that calls me twice in the day - 1st thing in a.m. and also 15 minutes before the end of the day. I guess the purpose is to say good morning & have a nice evening??

95% of the time she adds nothing to the conversation. In the past I would talk briefly about my plans for the weekend, the evening, etc.; however, I'm so tired of her adding nothing to the conversation. So....now I started only saying I had a "nice" weekend a "nice" evening and don't tell her anything else. I wanted to see if she would add something, but she still will say nothing. When I ask her about her evening, her weekend, etc. she'll just say something like they were "too short"! Then there is awkward silence on the call and she yawns loudly in my ear!

I try to talk about "general" conversations that I think the average person would be able to add something to (weather, general news stories I read or heard on the news), pretty flowers or little critters I see on my morning walks with my dog, etc.) but after I'm done speaking she adds nothing or she'll make a comment like "I suppose" "who knows", etc. Also, she yawns loudly during majority of the calls too! Also, she'll never follow-up on anything and say - whatever happened, did it work out, etc?

Gosh, I just hate those calls. I keep saying "I don't have anything else, so I'll let you go." And she'll say, I don't have anything either". Sometimes I take the phone off the hook so she'll get my answering machine. She then sends an IM message saying she got my machine. I IM back, just saying that I'm on the phone or my husband is.

She never adds anything to our work team meetings either - she will only say something if a question is directed specifically to her.

Oh my, I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed and needed to vent. Anyone else experience something like this? Any suggestions?

@BunSnoop   This reminds me of the saying, "We teach people how to treat us". I find that is so true. In this case, if she gets what she wants she keeps doing it.

I see a couple of things you could do. You may need to "psych" yourself up for this! I recommend you go completely silent when she goes silent. No matter how long the pause...WAIT till SHE talks. Maybe (for example), you just want quiet evenings where you don't feel like talking to anyone. If that's the case....tell her that. If she continues on after all that, in my opinion, you are just being used to fill time.

I have considered the fact that she may be lonely but that is no reason to impose yourself on other people. If nothing works, you may just need to tell her the truth in a kind and gentle manner. If she gets angry, you can remain kind and know you reacted in kind. Letting others know what you will and will not accept brings peace into your life.... as long as you do it in a manner that considers the other persons feeling. If they get hurt or mad at that point....you did all you could and that's on them to deal with. Good luck!