Community Chat

[cookinfreak]

I have always thought my sil & i were close. My brother passed 7 years ago but still maintain contact. We have spent Holidays together for many years  as well as her sis & family  and her mom. I have 2 sisters (and I use the term loosely I prefer to call them my mom & dad's daughters (because one has hated me my entire life and now she has the other one treating me badly) and when people ask if I have any siblings I only say I had a brother who has passed.

Anyway, we (me & sil) were going to a relatives house on Christmas day and I asked her if she could drive me when I had my colonoscopy (Didn't even have the appt made yet) and she immediately said it would be too hard because she was going to babysit the new grand baby. So I said ok forget it, I'll figure something else out. She said she probably could and I said I haven't even made the appt yet but I don't want you to since I know how you feel. I said maybe I'll ak your sister and she said her sis had taken some relative one time and she was very uncomfortable doing it. I said I'd take a cab if I could and she asked why I couldn't. My feelings are very, very hurt. I'm thinking she is listening to my folks' daughters and is starting to resent me or something.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest

cookin

[Laura14]

Maybe it's the way you recounted it but it sounds like she was willing to accommodate you and you decided not to take her up on it.  And now you're hurt because she didn't insist on helping you?  I'm kind of confused and I think maybe your SIL is too. 

There are a lot of mixed messages I got reading it.  I think you two had a big misunderstanding about what the other one was saying.  

[LonestarBabs]

I think you might be reading too much into it. I can understand that your feeling are hurt, as you'd like to think that someone whom you like and trust would volunteer without hesitation. But, perhaps the plain truth is that she just doesn't want to take you (for whatever reason). I'd find alternatives and get your appt and transportation lined up, then proceed to take care of YOU.

[happycat]

@cookinfreak, I'm sorry she treated you like that. I have a feeling, if the situation were reversed, and she were asking you to take her, you would be happy to.

The older I get, the more it seems like a lot of folks are just in relationships for what they can get out of it. I have a friend who says we are living in a "me, me, me, society"

I think she's right.

[occasionalrain]

Before you believe the worst and take it personally consider other possibilities. She may feel about medical procedures and hospitals as I do, to be avoided if at all possible. I have never spent a day in a hospital. I don't visit anyone there unless they're dying. I send flowers instead. To me, they are full of germs and the horror stories of mold, improperly cleaned instruments, legionnaires disease in the water, and deaths due to medical mistakes support it.

[Allegheny]

Venting helps I know.  But I you may be overthinking.  From the way you explained it, in my mind she didn't totally outright refuse to take you, but was just having a conversation about other options available to you.  Does she even have contact with your siblings?  You should sit down and rethink this whole thing as not to alienate your relationship with your SIL

[Shanus]

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@Laura14 wrote:

Maybe it's the way you recounted it but it sounds like she was willing to accommodate you and you decided not to take her up on it.  And now you're hurt because she didn't insist on helping you?  I'm kind of confused and I think maybe your SIL is too. 

There are a lot of mixed messages I got reading it.  I think you two had a big misunderstanding about what the other one was saying.  

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@Laura14  I agree. It sounds like your SIL maybe answered too quickly and then thought about how badly she felt and changed her mind. 

If the 2 of you have remained close for many years, don’t let this misunderstanding change that. Discuss the situation with her.

[LoveMyBaby]

@happycat

I totally agree with this, and I feel bad for the OP.  Nothing worse than seeing people as they REALLY are. It's hurtful and frustrating the way ppl don't go out of their way to help family or friends. 

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Laura14 wrote:

Maybe it's the way you recounted it but it sounds like she was willing to accommodate you and you decided not to take her up on it.  And now you're hurt because she didn't insist on helping you?  I'm kind of confused and I think maybe your SIL is too. 

There are a lot of mixed messages I got reading it.  I think you two had a big misunderstanding about what the other one was saying.  

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@Laura14   @cookinfreak

I got the same impression ,.. and still don't understand where there was a (figurative) slap in the face.

[KingstonsMom]

@cookinfreak

I understand how you feel and understand why you would be hurt.

I have a very similar 'family' situation re: your sisters and my brother is deceased also, so I say the same thing.

But on a side note, you have to have someone who will stay during your procedure, at least in our area, so a cab may not work.

DH has Chrohn's disease and has to have them yearly.

He's had them done at several different locations, but they all required that the patient had someone stay for the entire procedure, to assure that they didn't try to drive themselves home after anesthesia.

I'm just suggesting that you check with your Dr./facility's policy on this, before you plan on using a cab, etc, since maybe that's just a practice in my area..