Community Chat

[StraytoStay]

You always find out how true friends are when you need a favor. 😞

[Laura14]

The SIL said yes but she's dealing with a grandbaby.  I wouldn't want to try and entertain a baby during the length of time that procedure takes and in a hospital which is probably not welcoming of a child of that age anyway. 

I get where the SIL is coming from in her initial response.  But it sounded like she was willing to see if she could work something out to help.  I think you should let her if she is still up for it.  

I'd maybe be a little bit harsher if her time was her own and the relationship was as close as you say but she's got another more pressing responsibility with her grandchild that she has already committed to.  If you can take other transportation, I kind of see her making that point too.  

I think a second conversation will sort it all out nicely.  Just asking her, I know you have the baby but is there a time I could schedule that you could run me up and back would probably engender a big yes.  

[happycat]

@KingstonsMom, you are right! I had forgotten about that. I've had them too, and taken family members. They do want you to have someone there while procedure is being done.

Glad you thought of that to pass along to cookinfreak.

[LoveMyBaby]

@cookinfreak

Vent away, it's good for the soul. I hear ya, it's bad when relatives throw you under the bus. She was not being supportive or 'there' for you, AT ALL, simple as that. Some day the role may be reversed, remember this. Forgive it, but don't forget. It hurts, because I'll bet you have done plenty for your SIL since the loss of your brother. (Hugs)

[Bri36]

You didn't have a set appointment.  I wouldn't be so quick to criticize her.  Maybe if you had a specific day in mind, she would have a better idea of her schedule and could help you out.

I find when you try to make people feel guilty or ashamed for not helping out, they're less likely to help out.

[occasionalrain]

I don't want anyone to do something for me they would rather not so I never put them on the spot by asking. I tell them the situation, in this case an upcoming test, and give them the opportunity to volunteer or not. I think it's considerate of family and friends to not impose on them and make them feel obligated to do suomething they don't want to do.

[qualitygal]

People change.  It's a cold, hard, fact. If you can do a taxi, do that.  If she changes her mind, then let her.  Some people are just uncomfortable doing that sort of thing.  I don't know if you ask her for a lift more often than not, but I'd be careful of that too. Hope it all works out for you.  

[KingstonsMom]

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@happycat wrote:

@KingstonsMom, you are right! I had forgotten about that. I've had them too, and taken family members. They do want you to have someone there while procedure is being done.

Glad you thought of that to pass along to cookinfreak.

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@happycat

I have to relate an incident that happened when DH has his a few months ago.

An elderly couple had be in before us for the wife to have hers, her DH took her home, then returned to sign in for his own colonoscopy.

When asked where his driver was (they have to sign a form here), he replied, "It's only me and my wife and since she just had one and she can't drive me home, I'll do mine with NO anesthesia".

The nurses (who I know well) just looked at me with their mouths hanging open in shock, as was mine......

Then I had to just cry for him.

[Tinkrbl44]

@cookinfreak

I think maybe there were some mixed signals here.  I also don't see where there was a "slap in the face".  You should get this sorted out, and clarify whether there actually was a misunderstanding.

Having said that, please keep in mind that you must realize that there are some people you can rely on for help with medical appointments, etc .... and some people just don't want to do that stuff.   Don't be offended; it's just how things are with human nature.   It often has nothing to do with you; it's just beyond them.

The worst thing that can happen is that you book an Uber ride ... or something like that. 

I also think you must have other friends and acquaintances to spend time with and, as you get older,  it wouldn't hurt to have a "medical buddy" that you two take each other to medical/dental appointments or things that might need to have a friend come with you.   Be there for each other ....  and accept other peoples' shortcomings.

[qualitygal]

@KingstonsMom, I know that sort of thing happens.  It breaks my heart.  I'm sure it did yours too.  If I ever have the urge inside me, and go with feelings, I do step up.  I seem to feel endeared to them, like family.  It just is.  I've been that way, since I was a young girl.