Wellness

[dotdddd]

background...24/7 c giver, 93yo mom, lived w/me passed away unexpected in her sleep Mar.4 while I took a 3day vac.My son found her when he went to get her up. my problem, I still have DEEP greif, my heart actually hurts. Everyone [sibs.] seem to have moved on wks. ago, at the funeral[one bro. didn't even come] I was sobbing and I could here bro. in the background laughing w/someone. I can't understand it, I think of her all day and dream all nite and still cry, I have joined a greif group,any suggestions?

[Linds7]

I am so sorry for your grief! Seems that she had a long life filled with lots of love, and she didn't seem to suffer at the end. Hope you can find some comfort in that. Everyone grieves differently, and in a different time frame, so just allow yourself to grieve in your own way.

My suggestion would be to just realize how short life is and to put your energy into being with and loving the people that mean the most to you.

I wish you comfort and peace!

[LexaMom]

Hi Dotdddd,

I lost my 93 year old mother 5 years ago. I can tell you is to give yourself time. Nothing else helps. I know. And try to think about the long life she had and how fortunate you were to have her for as long as you did. That gave me some peace. It will get easier - but it takes a long time. I could not swallow food for a long time, had to force myself to eat.. but it will get better. I am so sorry for your loss but darn, we did have them for a very long time!

Peace to you,

Ricki

[saversmom]

I wish you strength.

I think the grief group will be a good first start for you.

Loss is very painful. I understand what you have said and what you are feeling.

[ivey]

So sorry for your mom passing away. A lot has happened in a short period of time. You can't measure your grief, nor anyone else's. We all grieve differently. You joined a grief group, and that is very good. So good to talk things out.

After an unexpected death in my family, I went to my family doctor. He was very kind to me and explained that grieving is actually both a physical and mental process. Your body reacts physically with pain, heart palpitations, stomach troubles, etc. In my case, he prescribed medication. I would strongly suggest that you go to your family doctor or someone kind who can work with you through this.

I also went to one-on-one grief counseling, and it was so helpful. One of the things the counselor suggested was to accept the invitations of others to activities, even if I didn't want to go. It breaks the grief process temporarily. You don't have to stay all evening--just get dressed and spend a few minutes talking with others. This really helped me.

I wish you the very best and just said a prayer for you.

[Preds]

Time. Some need more that others to get through. You were with her 24/7 so I'm assuming that you were the closest to her and knew her better than any one else. That alone can cause a deep pain. I also saw that you weren't with her when she passed and felt a little guilty ... which you should never feel guilty for getting a much needed rest. Every person handles things in their own way and in their own time frame. Don't rush it. Your peace will come when the time is right. You are missing her, but she is in a good place and would want you to find happiness now, I'm sure. Time will heal your pain. Therapy groups are a good way to start. Talk it out there and with friends. Be patient with yourself. Chat about it here with your BB friends. Just remember to let it out and don't hold back. Wishing you strength and blessings on this journey.

[susan kay]

I am so sorry for your loss. You can never explain to someone what it feels like to lose your mother. You have recd a lot of good suggestions here. Your going to grief support meetings is a great place to start....whether you go for one or ten sessions, it's good to share you feelings with others who are going through the same thing. Going out even when you don't feel like getting dressed is important, too. Just going through the motions will help. Getting out into the sun and walking may change your mood, even if for a short while.

Your pain will change. Right now, it is a very, very raw feeling since it is so new. I think that you will always grieve after the loss of your mother, but in time, it will just be a different type of pain as you remember the good times and the wonderful person that she was.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.

[I am still oxox]

I am sorry for the situation you are in, you need to give your self the time to heal and let it go. You did everything you could for you Mom and as unfortunate it is that she passed when you were not there, a 93 death is not an "unexpected event"

[scotnovel]

Very sorry for your loss. It is always especially hard for a caregiver to lose someone that close to them.

But, please don't be too hard on others who don't appear to grieve the same way that you do. Not everyone shows their grief in ways that we think they "should". When my beloved Grandfather died, I was so upset that I could not attend the funeral. Some family members were upset because they knew how close we had been and they thought that I was being disrepectful. However, we had said our goodbyes and he would have understood my choice to grieve in my own way.

[sidsmom]

Sorry for your loss...but like he others have said, grieving is on your own timetable. Question...are you upset she passed when you weren't there? Maybe that was her way of telling you, you will be fine without her...you have so much beautiful life to live. Does that make sense? 10 yrs after my sister passed, I still get teary-eyed when I see certain things....but it will get easier. I guarantee it. Come back here to post, if need be.