Wellness

[MSA2004]

My condolences.

[puglover2014]

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad almost 20 years ago and I still miss him every day. Time won't take away your feelings of loss but you will be able to handle it better over time and some day you will smile about the wonderful memories you have with your mom.

[LilacTree]

My mom died 47 years ago when she was just 49. I was 29 years old and had lived with my husband and children in another state for five years prior to my mom's death. I felt guilty for that for a very long time because we didn't see much of each other during that five years. I went up there to take care of her for the last four months of her life, bringing my two youngest babies (2 months and 16 months) with me and having to leave my older two (3 and 4-1/2 years with their father). 47 years later, I still miss her.

My beloved sister died two and a half years ago and I still cry every day. I never stop thinking about her. I sometimes say her name over and over again. I just say her name, I don't "talk" to her.

Expect that you will not get over this in less than a month, or perhaps ever. And, as others have said, be thankful that she lived a very long, full life.

My heart goes out to you, please accept my sincere condolences.

[qualitygal]

You like me, had a very close bonding with your mom. I understand your deep pain. You will need to give it time. Just take it one day at a time. You will never have to stop loving her just because she's not physically there. Soon you'll remember more good and yet, in loving a parent we still will have our rough days to get through. Don't be hard on yourself, we all grieve differently. Give it time, there's no rush.

[glitzandglam]

Oh, I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) It is a very short time for you to feel like you should be "over" your grief. As others have said, this is such a personal thing. Try not to take other people's behavior personally. People grieve in different ways and show it in different ways. Also, some people are in an almost shocked state and it takes them a while to truly understand that someone is gone.

((hugs)) and good luck to you.

[JeanLouiseFinch]

It's never easy to lose someone close, but you can look at this another way. Even in her compromised capacity, this may have been the last gift your dear mom was able to give you. Maybe she knew how horrible it would be for you so she waited until you took your trip so you wouldn't be the one to find her. Granted, it's not a position anyone wants to be in, or something we'd wish on anyone, but she knew your devotion and perhaps it was the kindest thing she could do, waiting until you wouldn't be there before she let go.

Everyone grieves in different ways. Perhaps the laughter was your brother's way of coping. Perhaps returning to work or usual activities works for someone else. Allow yourself time to cry, but also allow others what they need to do for themselves. Don't let yourself to get stuck in your despair. Remember your mom in her good days and gain strength from all the life lessons she taught you. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting her.

[okBlonde]

Sorry for the loss of your mom. At 93 it is to be expected. You probably put so much time into her care now that she is gone you don't know what to do with yourself? My mom died at age 63 from pancreatic cancer; I spent a lot of time at the hospital almost every night for 2 months (when insurance paid for things like this in the 80's). After she passed, I had nothing to do when I got home from work at night and it about drove me crazy. It just takes time.

[hckynut]

On 3/31/2014 dotdddd said:

background...24/7 c giver, 93yo mom, lived w/me passed away unexpected in her sleep Mar.4 while I took a 3day vac.My son found her when he went to get her up. my problem, I still have DEEP greif, my heart actually hurts. Everyone [sibs.] seem to have moved on wks. ago, at the funeral[one bro. didn't even come] I was sobbing and I could here bro. in the background laughing w/someone. I can't understand it, I think of her all day and dream all nite and still cry, I have joined a greif group,any suggestions?

I lived alone with my mother for the last 10 years of her life. Many of those years I watched her go downhill from heart disease. With each hospital stay or doctors visit she was told to "do less", and my mother was not a "do less" person. She died mentally ever time she was told not to do this or do that and it was very painful for me to watch this happening to her.

She died in the hospital after I found her lying in the hallway of our home after I came home from working a night shift back in 1969. I had 3 older sisters at the time, 1 has since died of cancer, and the took the loss of our mother just as badly as did I.

Funerals and wakes are not a good place to judge anyone's character, especially people that may also be feeling terrible grief. Laughing does not mean any disrespect to anyone, including the deceased. The biggest and best things I remember about her funeral and wake were not what someone said or how they acted. It was the fact that "they came to the service" to support the living members of our family and to pay respects to our dear mother.

My only suggestion is to do anything you have even the slightest thought of it helping you deal with your grief. Another suggestion would be to forget about any negativity that happened before/during or since the her death. Carrying negativity around with you only burdens you more and does nothing to help you deal with this terrible grief.

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother, but hopefully she lived a full and happy life most of those many years.

My best to you and for many time does make things better, but one never forgets when they lose a close parent.

[Jeremiah 2911]

I'm so sorry about the sudden loss of your beloved mother.

I think that the intense grief you're feeling is very normal in light of the close relationship you shared with your mom.

Not much time has gone by since she passed away. It's likely you're still in shock over the unexpected timing of her passing.

I think you should just give yourself permission to cry, weep & mourn for as long as you need to.

I pray that the Lord God comforts you and mends your broken heart with his love.

[gailcoco]

I am so sorry for your loss. As your mother's caregiver, you were probably closer to her than any other family members. Grief is natural and each one of us have to grieve in our own way and time. It may take months or it may take years. I still miss my mom (I was her caregiver) but I no longer grieve - I enjoy the memories. Time is the only way you will feel better. I agree with forcing yourself to start doing routine things and going out with friends and family. Taking your mind off your mom, just for a little while, will help. Good luck and God Bless. Gail