Wellness

[MarcyG72]

Dot,

Well done good and faithful servant. Taking care of a parent is the most unselfish act anyone can do, and you should never have any remorse. Grief will go on for a long time, but your mother would not want you to be burdened with anxiety. Wouldn't you feel the same way about those you "left behind." Bless you and your family, and I will continue to hold you up in prayer. Hugs, from Sharon in PA

[smilealot]

So sorry for your loss...becoming an orphan at any age is difficult. Grief work is messy and does not come with a map. It is still very earl in the process for you so be kind to yourself. When I experienced a horrific tragedy, I started about by living one second at a time, graduated to minutes. It's good that you joined a grief group. Reading religious books and stories of people who overcame great obstacles seemed to help me a bit. Blessings to you.

[Big Sister]

What you are going through right now is normal. I promise you, it will get better, just give it time.

[4Kicks]

My most sincere sympathies to you.

Just something for you to think about. How would your Dear Mother like you to live the rest of your life? Mourning her, or living life to its fullest and making every moment count?

[pistolino]

OMG, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother!

You are still fresh from the experience. Truth be told, you may not be "okay" for at least a year, possibly longer. And you will always miss her. Today is the 2nd anniversary of my mom's death and I cried yesterday and will today, too.

The rest of the family seems to have moved on quickly, but you were her caregiver. You were with her all the time. You have a HUGE void in your life. It will take time to fill.

I firmly believe our loved ones pick the time they want to go and whether they want people there or not. Your mother most likely didn't want to pass in front of you and also didn't want you to find her--she probably thought it would be too much.

Don't hold yourself to a timetable, as others have said. You take as long as you need to come to terms with her loss.

I'll be thinking of you today and again, I'm sorry.

[RedTop]

I am very sorry to hear you are grieving so deeply, but am glad to hear you are attending a grief support group. Grieving is a normal process, but even when you grieve for someone, you must focus your eyes ahead and move forward. One of my dearest friends lost her only child several years ago. He had just graduated from college and seemed to have his whole life ahead of him, but died in his sleep from an undiagnosed heart ailment. My friend literally fell to pieces, and felt she had nothing to live for. Friends actually took turns going to the house, pulling her out of bed, pushing her into the shower, and making her walk out the front door into the world every day, until she started doing it on her own. She received help from a trusted therapist, and also enrolled in a grief support group, both of which helped her tremendously. My friend still struggles, but she was able to return to work, and is able to function on her own.

I don't believe our loved ones want us to grieve for them. I do believe they want us to appreciate the fact they lived and helped make our lives special, and believe they want us to move forward and live our lives the way we were meant to. My Dad has been gone 10 years, and I still think of him in some way every single day. I choose to hold onto the fact my Dad was relieved from his burden of pain and suffering, and feel tremendous peace knowing my Dad is waiting for me, and I will see him again. Please allow yourself the ability to heal and feel the peace you so desperately need. Wishing you better days.

[marky]

dotddd, I know exactly how you feel. I have been grieving my mother deeply for a year. I cry at least once a day but it is getting easier. I don't say this to discourage you but rather to encourage you to stop rushing the grief. Time is all that will heal your heart. You will forever miss your sweet mother but grief is something we must all face. I know my mother, at 90, would often tell me how much she still missed her mother and she had been gone for 23 years. My mother never stopped grieving her brother that was killed in WWII. Know that you did a wonderful job caring for her and try not to resent the other family members. That may be the only way they know to react. I had the same circumstances with some of my family members. I will pray that you find more comfort with each sweet memory you have of your mother. Your life is now changed and you will learn to live a new normal but you will never stop thinking of her. Don't feel that there is a time limit on how long you can grieve. Love and hugs to you.

marky

[NOMEAT]

I'm sorry dot, your grief and the pain you feel is normal. Everyone is different, I was a zombie for 3 years after the loss of my girl. Thinking of you.

[JamaicaJammer2]

Oh, dear dotdddd, please, do NOT let anyone make you feel you should be "over it", "moving on", etc.

As others have said, everyone grieves differently, and some just don't, period.

My beloved dh, my soul mate, died when he was 34. His folks didn't even stay for the entire viewing the evening before the funeral....they were bored. Yep, bored.

About 2 wks after the funeral, I told my MIL that I was still hardly able to breathe, let alone do much more than brush my teeth and care for our babies. She said well, the funeral day was kinda hard, but every day after that has gotten easier.

WHAT???

But then, my dh and I were the only 2 folks teary at his grandma's funeral 6 mo. before his own death.....he mentioned how blown away he was that his mom - an only child - seemed to be so emotionally removed from any grief or sadness.

[StuffnSuch]

I'm curious why the OP has not returned to this thread, if only to acknowledge other posters' gracious comments. I believe she started another thread before this one, to which she never returned.