Wellness

[manny2]

The old antiquated way was to reality orient these dementia patients. That is not effective at all, so the best approach is to become part of their reality. Redirect if they become agitated or fearful. The memories are not linear anymore, so it is very frightening at times for these patients.

[chrystaltree]

You cry easily and there's nothing anyone can do to change your basic pschological make up.  You can't learn not cry.  You cry because you see the down side, the sad side of your friend's current situation.  You are really crying for yourself, you miss the person she was.  Perhaps you can try to accept her your friend as the person she is today.  She isn't in pain, she isn't being mistreated, she is in a safe and supportive atmosphere.  She's getting the care, support, treatment she needs.  This is all a GOOD thing.  A very good thing.  And she has good friends who haven't forgotten her.  There's no reason for tears or sadness.  If you can't change the way you see things, cry and enjoy the time you have with your friend.  It's likely that your tears aren't affecting her.

[RedTop]

Next time you go visit, take your friend something pretty that she’s allowed to have, like a flower, or a balloon bouquet, a beautiful card, or a small box of candy, so you can see her happiness or excitement over such a small gift.   

If you see your friend show a spark of happiness or excitement, maybe you won’t associate sadness with her new home.  

[roster]

Therapy. Go 2 therapy.

[Flatbush]

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@Group 5 minus 1 wrote:

This is an interesting thread. I used to cry a lot,but I hardly ever cry now. I cried when our Reilly died. I sometimes wish I could cry more.

My Daddy had dementia. That is a hard thing to deal with. I will never understand the awfulness of that illness. 

Pinching yourself-don't get it? Can you explain more?

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I pinch one of my hands with my fingers and squeeze the skin as hard as I can so I can feel pain; hopefully to refocus my sorrow. Hope this is clear. Probably as clear as mud :-)

[Misplaced Parisian]

@Flatbush  I don't have any ideas to help you stop your tears.  I simply had to respond to say Thank You for visiting your friend and for loving your friend.  I understand how difficult this must be for you.  Your generous heart is a testament of you and your friendship. Bless your spirit.  Wish I could help.  I'm sending you thoughts and strength.

[ECBG]

Please be aware that when we go through a time of extreme stress, a chemical in our brain stops working.  Crying uncontrollably is a symptom.  Once it stops, it doesn't restart. You may need to see your dr.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201402/chronic-stress-can-damage-brain-stru...

[lovesrecess]

I think just being there for her is enough, whether you cry or not. Be thankful for her, your friendship, and for the chance you have to be with her. I am sure she is happy to see you even if she is unable to express it. I know music seems to be something she might enjoy...where my mother lived they had many sing alongs...my mother wasn’t talking much anymore...but she would sing, knew all the words to all songs, and smiled. I still treasure that memory. Perhaps you could create a good memory for you and your friend.

[blackhole99]

I don't know how old you are, but I have never been a crier, but as I age I cry easily. I agree loss is no doubt the culprit because my personality has not changed. My aunt who is in her 80's cries during normal conversation if it turns sad. If it doesn't upset your friend when you cry, I wouldn't worry about it and she no doubt isn't going to remember you cried any way. I bet it makes her happy in the moment, that you are there with her.

[Lindsays Grandma]

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@Flatbush wrote:

I have a friend of long duration.She is in a memory care home. My problem is crying. When I go to see and spend some time with her. I don't want to cry, and I have pinched myself HARD, but it didn't help. I would appreciate any tips and yes, I cry at everything sad. I go with another close friend, but she said she cries inside and I cry on the outside. I don't want my friend who is ill to see me cry, so I need help.TIA.

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@Flatbush...It is okay to cry, tell your dear friend you are crying from the joy of seeing her.  That is a lot easier than attempting to hold back your tears while visiting her.  Bless both of you.