Wellness

[Sooner]

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@Eileen in Virginia wrote:

I'd add that, if they're in a nursing home, it's best if the nursing home staff know that friends and family will drop in for a visit whenever they're in the area - I.e., they never know when someone will be there. This goes a long way towards ensuring good quality of care for your loved one. 

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@Eileen in Virginia The problem is when one outlives all friends and family and it happens more often than you would think.  If you are in your late 90's you are quite possibly the last. 

[kaydee50]

@Sooner   Yes, that about sums it up.

[Kachina624]

@Sooner   What I'd like to know is what someone does who has no friend or relative willing or able to settle their estate?  My few relatives have other responsibilities and live far away.  Friends have moved or died.  I don't even have anyone to name as a beneficiary in a will.  Who's going to clean out my garage (so to speak)?

[4kitties]

@BabyDaisy 

Oh my!  

What a bad situation for you and him.  Hope something can be worked out for your situation.

[gunnergab]

Unfortunately my situation is similar to one if you. I came from a very close and loving small family. I am a retired nurse and was looked upon as the one that would care for everyone as the became  sick ,elderly or at the end of their lives. I did this out of respect and much love. I had one sister who married but never had any children and also live pd away fro the family. I married late in life and had no children. My sister is older than myself and has severe dementia. Her husband never worked a day in his life. My sister completely supported the 2 of them. He is very controlling of everything. He has completely taken all control of all matters of their lives, he does nothing but sleep and eat . Control all the money that is only in her name. He refuses to get any help for her and I have gone to lawyers and the court system to try to get governship for her to no avail. My husband recently died and I am completely alone. There is ni other living relatives. There are no distant cousins or any other possible family connections for me. What I did was go to my lawyer and wrote out my powers of attorney for all aspects of my life , and have 3 responsible people(lawyer,priest,and friend) sign.I have even made arrangements for my beloved dog to be taken to a friend in another state to be cared for(he is big and I do not want him to be flown to that state ,but rather driven in a car-all to be covered by my estate.I have made everything in writing with exactly what is to be done. I know that there is a possibility of me having to go to a nursing home some day (I'm in my 80's) , but then I have made provisions for exactly what my care is hopefully to be with again these 3 person checking on it and their signatures stating that it will be done. When I was younger and chad family I never thought this could happen , but it dies. I have seen all to many conflicts in families concerning older relatives and their care. Unfortunately you are very limited in what can be done by our legal and medical systems. Everyone must think ahead and have that awful talk with love ones about end of life decisions and whatthey wish. I know it is a difficult  thing to discuss and to do, but before you assume responsibility of someone's care or have someone assume responsibility for your care have that talk and get all the little questions and care talked about.

[ALRATIBA]

@Kachina624 

Have your attoney handle your estate .... and leave whatever is left over after his fees and your funeral expenses - leave to charity.

A friend in those circumstances had a health care proxy.  She had prepaid all her funeral expenses and arrangements, had long term care insurance, and left the remainder to charity.  

[chrystaltree]

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@Mz iMac wrote:

@BabyDaisy  Why don't you put your uncle in a nursing home or an assistant living facility?

He isn't a potted plant or a pair of old shoes.  She can't just PUT wherever she wants.

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[lgfan]

@Carmie 

"You can't just put people into a nursing home or assistant living facility.  Medicare does not cover this and it is expensive.

If a person refuses to go there, you can't make them.  You would have to go through proper channels which isn't easy."

So what happens to a person who does not want to go to a nursing home or assisted living facility and they have no family or friends to take them in?

[ninjawife]

The best thing I ever did was to move to a larger house and create an in law suite so my father could live with my family.  He had many health issues as well as limited mobility and pain that resulted from an infection following a total knee replacement.  He was able to prepare simple meals and do his own laundry but relied on me to clean, organize his medications and handle his finances.  My mother had done that for him when she was alive so after she died I was basically running two households.  Not only moving him in with us made it easier for me but we loved having his company and he grew very close to my youngest daughter who was still rather young.  He only lived with us for two years before he died but I never regreted my decision to have him with us. 

[Carmie]

@lgfan   Unfortunally, sometimes they're found at home deceased.  Sometimes a social worker gets involved and can get these people care in their home.  There are programs that will send somone to your home to help with food, cleaning and doctor appointments.

Often, social agencies can have a person moved to a nursing care facility....easy if they do not live in a home that they own...more difficult if there is a home to sell.

Sometimes, their house is sold for non payment of taxes and social services can get involved.  Many people end up on the streets too.

Most people end up on assistance/welfare.  You are forced to sell your home and spend down any investments and savings by paying for your care. Once the money is gone, your state welfare sysyem takes over.

I am POA for an elderly friend.  She has been going down hill for many years, going in  and out of hospitals and rehab centers.  She even lived with me for 9 months.

She owned her home, but ran out of her retirement savings.  She received only $1200 a month SS.  I bought her groceries and clothing for years.  I also paid some of her medical expenses that were not covered by Medicare and her supplement.

My brother paid her Real Estate taxes....I begged him go put a lien on her home so he could get his money back when either she died or sold the house.   He did.

Finally, she went to the hospital and then rehab.  Medicare would not pay for any more rehab, so she went into personal care because she was unable to walk on her own. She cannot take care of herself anymore.

She has been there for about three years now.  I had to sell her house last August and clean everything out.  I was allowed to put $10,000 for a prepaid funeral plan.  She was allowed to keep $8000 in savings and I had to send a check to the state ( welfare program) plus cash in all her investments and life insurance which was almost nothing and send that money in as well.  

The state gets her SS check and she gets to keep around $40 a month.  I pay for her cell phone, clothing and extras out of my pocket.  People who have no one to help them financially, just wear clothing that the nursing home has...mostly from people who have passed.

If somone is in the hospital or rehab, it is easier to get them into assisted living even if they refuse, but if they are in their home living you will need to get the courts involved.

I feel sorry for anyone and for the families who have to go through this.