Q Talk

[Shanus]

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@mom2four0418 wrote:

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@Shanus wrote:

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@mom2four0418 wrote:

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@Shanus however there are many times someone has lost weight due to illness &/or the related treatments. Commenting on weight specifically (rather than just saying 'you look great!') can have repercussions either way. 

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ITA Eating disorders affect all ages, sizes & ethic groups.  Why not just compliment someone on how great they are rather than how they look? 

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@mom2four0418  Sometimes it’s more appropriate to just say, “Hi, so happy to see you” & other times, I may have another greeting. Nothing’s set in stone. I always try to be tactful and not intentionally hurt someone’s feelings. 

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Please know that I was not directing my response to you but rather putting it out there for others to consider.  Thanks for responding to my post!

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@mom2four0418 Of course. Understood. 🌺

[phoenixbrd]

@suzyQ3  I hope that you have moved on from these "friends"....polite but distant.  

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

OTOH, I think any mention of weight can be tricky. I recall two "friends" of mine making fun of me for being so thin. And when I say "making fun of," I mean rude insults. One of them had to relay to me how her husband hates when a women's thighs don't meet, while looking at me in jeans. They both mocked me for my thinness in other ways as well.

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[Dusty1]

@mom2four0418You should be President! I would give you all of the hearts if I could.

[suzyQ3]

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@San Antonio Gal wrote:

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

The husband of a friend mine was very overweight. He finally decided to lose pounds, and he did. His wife told me that he was frustrated and hurt that no one noticed. So there's that, too.

I'm surprised that anyone doesn't know that it's a compliment to recognize purposeful weight loss and an insult to mention  weight gain. Really?

OTOH, I think any mention of weight can be tricky. I recall two "friends" of mine making fun of me for being so thin. And when I say "making fun of," I mean rude insults. One of them had to relay to me how her husband hates when a women's thighs don't meet, while looking at me in jeans. They both mocked me for my thinness in other ways as well.

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That's so mean of these so called friends to say that to you!

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@San Antonio Gal, @phoenixbrd, @Shanus

Like so many friends from the past, they are in the past. :-)

What was hard for me at the time was to remain silent and not reciprocate with insults. Somehow it's okay to say things like that to a thin person but certainly not okay to insult those who might be overweight, not that I would ever consider doing so even when so provoked.

[GCR18]

Try it out.  You've gained weight.  It would be the same as me saying you are fat.  Oh and you are ugly too.  It's just not nice.

My sister had a medical condition that bloated her stomach and the medication also resulted in weight gain.  Unfortunately, she looked pregnant and someone asked when she was due.  She was mortified.

[CAMOGIRL]

Basically true. You lose weight and someone is like “you are getting so thin” or “you look great”, on the other hand, you can a few pounds or more and not a word on your looks period - absolutely no comment on your outfit, your hair, your makeup, nothing. One can always find something/anything to make a nice comment on how you look instead of saying nothing at all. People can be very cold and rude sometimes without even realizing it, not the biggest ego boost for someone for sure. Compliments are a good thing for people to hear once in awhile, makes them feel good about themselves. And, everyone deserves a bit of an ego boost every now and then!

[cosmic1]

I remember a comedian saying that you never ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see a baby coming out of her. I think that is a good practice. Lol.

I prefer someone telling me that I look good and not say anything about the weight.

[Shanus]

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@cosmic1 wrote:
I remember a comedian saying that you never ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see a baby coming out of her. I think that is a good practice. Lol.

I prefer someone telling me that I look good and not say anything about the weight.

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@cosmic1  😛 Too funny!!

[bonnielu]

I really really really need to lose weight.  The last year I have put it on.  And personally if someone tells me that it puts me on alert and allows me to be more careful.  I actually like people saying to me... YOU HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT. 

iT IS SO EASY TO JUST EAT A BIT MORE... ENDULGE... WHATEVER.. SINCE I SEEM TO BE AN ADDICT FOR DESSERTS.  I MIGHT BE ALONE BUT I SEE THE pointing fingers at me as helpful and CARING.  

[CANDLEQUEEN]

That happened to me, years ago I put on extra weight, and of course it went right to my middle, and I overheard my Uncle say to my Dad, wow she sure has gained weight, I have never seen her heavy before, and I was so hurt.....But it also pushed me to do something about it as well......Sometimes as women we get to a certain age, and all of a sudden you get a little extra weight on you and its harder to take off as you get older as well. 

I think mentioning anything that is not positive about someone's looks is viewed as negative and it hurts, so to me the old saying goes, if You can't say something nice, then don't say anything......