My son is going to meet his birth father for the f... - Page 3

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@panda1234- You stated "birth father". Is your son adopted? I think some posters think the father is absentee father which is a other thing in itself. How your son and his birth father make the arrangements is the most appropriate.

CAcableGirl2 · ‎06-03-2010

@panda1234 My opinion is that the son should make the call. Offer to be there for support or not be there depending on what he would like you to do.

If there is a valid reason that he was unable to see his son for all these years, and there is respect between all parties, and if the son would like you to, I would offer to put together pictures of him throughout the years to give to his father

If there is any ugliness from the father not being in the picture, I would completely stay out of it.

All depends on what your son would like you to do. If the son would like his wife to be present, then she should. If he wants to meet him alone, then that is what should happen.

My concern would be for my son, and no one else.

......You look like I need a drink.....

Flatbush · ‎07-18-2015

Just the Father and Son, unless the Son would feel better with his wife there.

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

I would ask my son to think about it and let him know that I will support his decision.

This is his journey.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@CAcableGirl2 wrote:
@panda1234 My opinion is that the son should make the call. Offer to be there for support or not be there depending on what he would like you to do.

If there is a valid reason that he was unable to see his son for all these years, and there is respect between all parties, and if the son would like you to, I would offer to put together pictures of him throughout the years to give to his father

If there is any ugliness from the father not being in the picture, I would completely stay out of it.

All depends on what your son would like you to do. If the son would like his wife to be present, then she should. If he wants to meet him alone, then that is what should happen.

My concern would be for my son, and no one else.

@CAcableGirl2 I am putting together a book of pictures telling the story of my son's life.

The reason this man has not had contact with my son is because he did not know about him. He was told by the birthmother that she had miscarried and then she broke up with him.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@qbetzforreal wrote:
@panda1234- You stated "birth father". Is your son adopted? I think some posters think the father is absentee father which is a other thing in itself. How your son and his birth father make the arrangements is the most appropriate.

@qbetzforreal Yes, so sorry he is adopted. Since posting this they have made plans to first meet alone which I am happy about. Who knows what they want to say to eachother and they should be free to do so.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@chrystaltree wrote:
I think that first meeting should just be the two of them. This is not a social visit, this is so much more than that and it's very personal. There might be things they want to say to each other or emotions that will come out that they don't choose to share with their spouses. Or that they don't want to share with other one's spouse.

@chrystaltree This is exactly how I feel. Since posting this they are going to meet by themselves first and at another time include the family.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@IMW wrote:
The two of them. I'm adopted, never met biological parents, never wanted to.

I'd think it would be better for the two of them to get to know each other a bit.

Hope all goes well.

@IMW Both of my children are adopted and have found bio family members. For them it has enriched their lives having these peple in them. My son had his bio brother as bestman in his wedding last year.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Anonymous032819 wrote:
To be fair, not all men know that they have a kid out there.

How can a guy be there, if he doesn't even know that he's a father?

It isn't unheard of for the woman to compleatly cut the guy compleatly out of the kid's life, and to not even tell him that she is pregnant with his kid.

That is just about the way it went down @Anonymous032819 . This man was thrilled beyond words to find out he has a son.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@KingstonsMom wrote:
@wildcat fan wrote:
If I were in this position, I'd tell my son that I love him very much and want to do what I can to support him. Then I'd ask if he wanted me to be at that first meeting. Then I'd go if he said he wanted me there or I'd stay behind if he didn't want me there. Honestly, if the birth father has been absent all this time, I wouldn't place much value in what he wanted. The decision would be my son's.

@wildcat fan

I agree, that decision should be left up to the son alone.

DD was in this same position as a young adult and she chose NOT to meet him.

She said why should she care what this total stranger (to her) wants, when he didn't care enough to ever have contact with her since she was 2?

So be it, they didn't meet and she says she doesn't regret that decision, even after he has since passed away.