Kitchen

[AuntMame]

No, it wouldn't bother me at all. On the contrary. As a host I always love spontaneity and guests sharing things they love. The more food and drink the merrier. 

If I'm a guest however I always ask the host if they would like me to bring something, and if so what would they prefer. Because that's the polite thing to do. Some hosts plan every detail of a meal with scrupulous care down to how the napkins are folded and it's not kind to interfere with that. According to advice columnists it's not good form to even bring a bottle of wine without first asking if the host would like that addition. 

[spumoni99]

I wouldn't mind at all, I would take it as the guest wanting to help out and share something they enjoyed and wanted us to enjoy.  I also love eggplant so would extra enjoy.

Entertaining is a lot of work and everyone has different opinions but your guests feeling comfortable should come first.

[Malcontent]

Sibling b.s.

Fuggedaboudit!

[Icegoddess]

Not at all.  It would be nice if they gave a heads up, so I could maybe remove an item from the menu I'm preparing if I want to.  As it is, for Thanksgiving, I'm already preparing 2 different meals becuase my daughter and I have different palates and I don't think I should have to give up my favorite Thanksgiving foods just because they want something else.  It might be someone's last Thanksgiving, so everybody gets what they like. 

[beach-mom]

No. I would think the person was being thoughtful, and I would proudly serve it at dinner!   

[ECBG]

There is probably a reason or impression your aunt had concerning an added dish; now there is no way to tell.  

My first cousin always brings an expensive dessert to Thanksgiving and Christmas, when I have already baked pies. I feel because my aunt always brought something.  I appreciate the gesture and love that he cares, but it isn't necessary.

[LdyBugz]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@LdyBugz wrote:@For an informaI, family dinner?  It wouldn't bother me at all.  What's one more dish to pass around?  Even if I was hosting a big, formal dinner party it wouldn't bother me.  I would just be a good hostess, roll with the punches, appreciate the gesture, and serve the dish with my planned menu.  No big deal and no need to be so rigid. 

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@LdyBugz I don't see it as rigid. I see it as I went to a lot of trouble to plan a meal for guests, make dishes that go well together, see that I went to the expense and trouble to make more than enough for the guests.

I planned a table setting with space for serving dishes, glasses, and the place settings to serve what I made.  Maybe I don't have more room on the table.  Maybe I don't have spoons for the soup someone might bring or bowls, or whatever else is a surprise. 

I don't see it as about control, I see it as I worked hard to plan, cook and serve a meal then gets thrown a curve ball to deal with when having the meal in the first place is stressful enough.  

And really, it says someone feels like they have to bring something because I won't have enough or it won't be good enough.  Theirs will be better!  Wink wink!  

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Differences in personalities, and that's o.k.  There will always be room for "one more" at my table.  I would never think that someone brought something along in fear that I wouldn't have enough food to go around.  I would just take it as a kind gesture and roll with it.  For me, shared dinners are about the people getting together and enjoying the company along with the food.  I can't imagine someone bringing soup to a party!  I certainly wouldn't.  People in my realm that might bring something typically bring a side dish or dessert, with a serving spoon.  It all works out.  

[Venezia]

Absolutely not, no, I would not be upset.  My goodness, in this case it was his sister!  Was the family structure really that rigid?

From the sound of it, he thought he was doing something nice and she acted like he'd insulted her and made sure he knew it.

As a host, isn't the job to make your guests feel welcome?  All of your guests?  Even the ones who show up with an unexpected contribution?

I can't imagine getting upset over that or making my guests feel awful - because that's sure what it sounds like.  In my family, we'd just add the dish to the table and enjoy.

(In my case, I'd never go to that sibling's house again for any meal.  Or maybe at all, in case I transgressed in another way.)

[on the bay]

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@Malcontent wrote:

Sibling b.s.

Fuggedaboudit!

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@Malcontent,

lol, one of my favorite words!

forgeddaboudit-and yours with the lovely Italian/NY accent

[Malcontent]

@on the bay 

While I don’t have a N.Y. accent, I think that accent is the greatest thing ever; especially N.Y.ers pronouncing Italian words. It’s akin to me pronouncing English words.