Be honest, would this bother you? - Page 4

Spacrazy · ‎12-14-2018

@house_cat : I was taught to never go to someone's house "empty handed". Regardless of your aunt's reaction your dad did the right thing.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

No, family and good friends often bring something when invited to a casual dinner.

I wouldn't get angry.

I suspect there is/was some kind of sibling rivalry between the two way before the incident.

Something so "no big deal" should not cause a rift.

It would seem off to bring food items to a formal dinner party, but not family events in your home.

Lilysmom1 · ‎11-08-2020

I am faced with this situation on a regular basis. At Christmas we have this. I have a cousin who brings candied sweet potatos. Every year. No one ever eats it. I have to surreptitiously dump it to give her dish back to her. I wish people would ask before they bring food. Not ungrateful but would appreciate it if people ask first and honour the host's reply.

If I am putting on Christmas dinner, I have the meal planned, all burners and warming stations in use. I don't appreciate contributions unless I ask for them.

A potluck dinner is something else.

PS, the best hostess gift I ever got was a gift of breakfast items from a local deli which we immensely enjoyed the next day.

Great topic @house_cat !

Kabella · ‎02-24-2016

@house_cat It was a family dinner so I think at some point when your Dad made Eggplant Parm. at his house everyone loved it. Its very time consuming to make because I make it myself. I would have asked her if she would like me to make it as part of her meal. The majority of people love home made Eggplant Parm, & imo his sister did not want that dish to be the STAR of the meal that she prepared.

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

@Lilysmom1 I actually AM a vegetarian. For holiday "invites", I try to make myself as inconspicuous as possible....just not helping myself to the meat and gravy.

(I really hate the snide remarks from my relatives....such as, "can't you afford meat?"...or "are you SICK?") di

♥Surface of the Sun♥

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

@Lilysmom1 wrote:
I am faced with this situation on a regular basis. At Christmas we have this. I have a cousin who brings candied sweet potatos. Every year. No one ever eats it. I have to surreptitiously dump it to give her dish back to her. I wish people would ask before they bring food. Not ungrateful but would appreciate it if people ask first and honour the host's reply.

If I am putting on Christmas dinner, I have the meal planned, all burners and warming stations in use. I don't appreciate contributions unless I ask for them.

A potluck dinner is something else.

PS, the best hostess gift I ever got was a gift of breakfast items from a local deli which we immensely enjoyed the next day.

Great topic @house_cat !

@Lilysmom1,

I totally understand what you're saying but could I have the candied sweet potatoes?!

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

Roscoe the Rascal · ‎04-19-2016

I think his sister was rude. He was doing something nice and why would that insult her.

Now if he brought the main course and it was my brother I would have just said what the H you don't like my cooking and laugh.

Sounds like no matter if he did or not she would have been displeased.

eadu4 · ‎06-14-2011

@house_cat No I would not in the least be upset. Judging by the replies there are those that roll with the party and those that control their planning and if someone shows up that "ruins" a detail of that they react with displeasure. I have seen gatherings ruined because someone had a kind gesture bringing something and the person (as people here interpreted it) as rude and spent the rest of the night in a huff, or pouting or just generally making everyone feel uncomfortable because of it.

I understand there are people that plan every little detail of their gathering, they take pride in every detail being perfect, my daughter is like that. But some people just don't feel right coming over and eating as they feel "for free" so some people like to bring something. Should they call? absolutely. But is it the end of the world? No. Please smile and add the dish. In the end it's the gathering that counts and anything brought with love should be treated as such.

As some of the replies show also some hosts can't always accommodate some guests dietary restrictions. And some guests feel bad letting you know that basically your food is inedible to them so they bring something they can eat. They don't want you to make a special dish for them with everything being so expensive, but they still want to celebrate with everyone. .

There is no wrong or right answer to this. Best advice is to always call first to find out because every host is different. But if someone does bring something, please just smile and keep enjoying the party. Our time on this earth is short and best spent smiling more and enjoying the special moments we do get together.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

It would not bother me at all....and it happens at almost every family gathering.

No one in my family ever has to fix the whole meal. The host sends out the menu and everyone signs up for something. This makes it easier on the host, especially since there are 43 people in my immediate family.