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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,700
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?


@Sooner wrote:

If you are invited somewhere ask before you bring something.  If they say no, then don't.

 

I HATE when people bring something without asking. It is rude, upsets a planned meal, has to be made room for and put somewhere, serving pieces found for it, etc.

 

And either it doesn't fit with what is being served, is awful, or competes with what the hosts are serving.

 

It is a rude thing to do and an attention grab.


exactly my thoughts also. We go to my cousin's for thanksgiving and she has the meal planned down to the last detail. She wants to be asked if we can bring something. And she will tell us what she would like. She likes being in control and would be very p*ssed if I showed up with some random unplanned for item. My mother was the same way. 


Harmonize the World
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-04-2014

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Why be upset over something so minor?


The gracious thing would be to accept the item with a thank you. Then ask if the food was brought to be included in the dinner, or for them to enjoy the next day?

 

Life is too short to be upset over an act of kindness.

Super Contributor
Posts: 450
Registered: ‎06-02-2023

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

I agree with everything Sooner said I would serve the food but not be pleased about it I wouldn’t cause a scene because it’s just not worth the bother ruining the whole meal and making thibgs uncomfortable for everyone over a dish someone brought
Valued Contributor
Posts: 566
Registered: ‎04-13-2016

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

Now with all the different eating styles, its almost impossible to accommodate everyone. Keto, vegan, vegetarian, people with celiac who can't eat gluten, those with food allergies.

 

I am a vegetarian & we went to friends for Christmas Eve. All they made was some Scandinavian meal of meat & fish. No sides, snacks, pretzeks, cheese laying around. I had nothing to eat. Next year, I brought artichoke dip so I had something to eat. Third year someone clued her in that I was a vegetarian & she made potatoes. 

 

Have a friend who has celiac & won't go to friends houses over holidays (she lives alone far from me) because she's so afraid  something will trigger her illness so she stays hone alone. 

 

 

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,237
Registered: ‎04-30-2012

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

No

Valued Contributor
Posts: 740
Registered: ‎06-11-2010

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

I think with family that isn't a "rude" thing to do. If it's a friend, then I would ask first. 

I love eggplant. Bring it anytime to my house. Especially if it's sliced thin, breaded and fried in olive oil. Yum.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 69,670
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

The hostess probably carefully planned the menu.  I wouldn't think of bringing something without first checking with her.  She gets to decide if it's appropriate  and blends with her plans.  If she say, "no", I'd understand and wouldn't be offended.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment
Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,011
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

You said be honest, so I'll admit that I wouldn't be pleased by the extra dish. However, I always want my guests to be comfortable and feel welcome, so I would keep my feelings to myself. I know it isn't for everyone but If a guest wants to bring something I would appreciate a bottle of wine. But really it is not necessary, if you are my guests all I require is your presence.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,916
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?

For an informaI, family dinner?  It wouldn't bother me at all.  What's one more dish to pass around?  Even if I was hosting a big, formal dinner party it wouldn't bother me.  I would just be a good hostess, roll with the punches, appreciate the gesture, and serve the dish with my planned menu.  No big deal and no need to be so rigid. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,610
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Be honest, would this bother you?


@LdyBugz wrote:@For an informaI, family dinner?  It wouldn't bother me at all.  What's one more dish to pass around?  Even if I was hosting a big, formal dinner party it wouldn't bother me.  I would just be a good hostess, roll with the punches, appreciate the gesture, and serve the dish with my planned menu.  No big deal and no need to be so rigid. 

@LdyBugz I don't see it as rigid. I see it as I went to a lot of trouble to plan a meal for guests, make dishes that go well together, see that I went to the expense and trouble to make more than enough for the guests.

 

I planned a table setting with space for serving dishes, glasses, and the place settings to serve what I made.  Maybe I don't have more room on the table.  Maybe I don't have spoons for the soup someone might bring or bowls, or whatever else is a surprise. 

 

I don't see it as about control, I see it as I worked hard to plan, cook and serve a meal then gets thrown a curve ball to deal with when having the meal in the first place is stressful enough.  

 

And really, it says someone feels like they have to bring something because I won't have enough or it won't be good enough.  Theirs will be better!  Wink wink!