Community Chat

[ScrapHappy]

I understand why you would be suspicious too.  I don't hear anything from cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. unless gifting (money) is involved.  The last  "money grab" I received was an announcement/invite my cousins daughter.  Never met er.  Haven't seen or heard from them in over 15 years.  

[jackthebear]

I don't think Bat/Bar Mitzvahs are gift grabs

it's life cycel celebration and very meaningful,  

in addition IMO invitations are just that an invitation not an obligation , one either declines or accepts 

[queendiva]

I am not of the Jewish faith, but I really like the idea of sending a card with $18.00 enclosed. Done, 

[Love my grandkids]

@jackthebear I SO disagree. I've gotten "invites" to First Communion parties (I'm Catholic) and other religious events (wedding showers) from people I have not seen or heard from in many years OR don't know their relative for whom the party is given. Bat/bar mitzvahs are just as prone to gift grabs as all the events I stated.

I don't respond to gift grabs from people I have no conection with. I *may* send a card.

Just because this is a Jewish ceremony does not exempt it from being a gift grab. Those come in all denominations!

[riley1]

Since you and dh are not close to any of them and don't know the daughter at all, a card is all that is needed, imo.

[justashopper]

I would probably ask the hubs how he feels and follow his lead. But I would also try to encourage him for us to go. And I'll tell you why. I am not skeptical or cynical in nature. I try to be the peace maker, the bigger person if you will. With that said, I do have my limits. I would choose to see this as an olive branch and go even if just for the ceremony and say you can't stay for the party. I went through a similar scenario with my own sibling. I admit I kinda felt like: "Wow. Don't they get to be the bigger person-- like I invited her. She chose not to show up" So ball in my (your) court. If hubs has no interest in going, then so be it. It's his sibling. Send the traditional symbolic gift, as others have mentioned and let it go. I have come to find, in trying decisions -- make a decision and live with it. It's the indecision that makes me crazy.

[Deree]

Does it matter at all whether it's "suspicious" or not?  I can recall a couple of similar instances in my life where I just did what I felt like.  In one instance, I sent a gift and in the other instance, I didn't respond at all.  Do what you feel like doing.

[stevieb]

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@mamaslittlepotato wrote:
You aren’t 100% sure of their intentions. I would decline the invitation, but I would send the child a nice card with a small check (maybe $30.00?) in it. I’d write something nice in the card and I’d explain who we are.

Be the bigger person. Whatever happened between all of you isn’t her fault. I definitely wouldn’t just throw the invitation away and ignore it. That’s rude, imo.

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I agree with you @mamaslittlepotato...

[Sooner]

To me, things like this are to play "got 'ya!"  Whatever you do is painful, stressing and you'll feel like you did the wrong thing, which others are ready to accuse you of doing.  It's all YOUR fault.  No way out. 

When people extend an olive branch, it is an olive branch -- with olives.  It's easy to spot.  

[RedTop]

My husband and I have been married 46 years, which translates to 46 L O N G years of family drama on his side.  

I don't do drama, period, and my husband finally got tired of it, so we are civil to all, but keep to ourselves and ask nothing of them.   

We are never forgotten when it comes to graduations, weddings, babies, etc., and I always send a nice card with a personal note, and check.   Again, I don't do drama, so despite whatever feelings I might have about the who, what, where, that card and check is a very small price to pay to keep the peace.