Community Chat

[SilleeMee]

I think things today are much different for most poor people than they were when I went to college. I don't know when you went to college but today it's practically impossible to work your way through it without financial help. @Snowpuppy 

The American Dream is a lie.

[Free2be]

Small communitites teeming with ignorance also influence young people making good decisions for their lives ahead like climbing a steep mountain.  Current headline made me think of that although it may not necessarily be applicable.

[blackhole99]

Combination for sure and education is the key, the same great education for everyone, not just the rich. Educate the poor if you want to change things.

[suzyQ3]

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@jlkz wrote:

@esmerelda

you hit the nail on the head:  Choices define us.  They show our values and beliefs.

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@jlkz, but what motivates our choices? That's the question. Early childhood environments don't just disappear from our brains. They can be so dismal that they become hardwired. Lack of nurture.

Do some in these situations prevail? Certainly, just like some smokers live a long and healthy life.

Make no mistake: We who benefited from a certain aspects of our upbringing (doesn't have to be at all perfect) have a foot up, especially if we are not saddled with minuses from the get-go (a.k.a, "nature.")

[Porcelain]

33% nature 33% nurture and 34% dumb luck. Things that just sort of happen, completely out of the blue and unearned undeserved and out of your control, sometimes change your life completely for good or bad. The random element to life is what keeps it spicy.

[suzyQ3]

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@Porcelain wrote:

33% nature 33% nurture and 34% dumb luck. Things that just sort of happen, completely out of the blue and unearned undeserved and out of your control, sometimes change your life completely for good or bad. The random element to life is what keeps it spicy.

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@Porcelain, what seems like dumb luck is just being in the right place at the right time -- often easier for those with who come from more privileged backgrounds.

[manny2]

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@chickenbutt wrote:

I also believe it's both.

A pretty big part of who I am is because of the many abuses I suffered throughout my childhood.  There is pretty much no way one can go through those kinds of horrors without being profoundly affected AND coming up to be somebody different than they would otherwise have been.

As far as the 'get over it' part - well, one does get over it, but they are making choices based on who they become after their development was mutated by the damage done.

OTOH, I know that when I saw the prejudices from my parents I KNEW from the get go that I was not like that and I had no problem holding onto that.   It upset me severely, even as a small child, when I would hear the things they would say toward others.  They both came from a place and time where not only was that accepted, it was expected.   Somehow or other I always knew that was wrong.  Of course I could not show how upset I was because that just brought punishment my way.  I learned very young not to trust humans very easily and when I would, and then get burned, I would chastise myself for 'knowing better'.

When one is in her/his formative years it's just a reality that at least some of the things you see and experience, and things done to you, become a pretty big part of who you are.  It's survival.

I asked my father once a number of years ago if I was just a horrible little kid.   He told me that I was actually very sweet, open, and always trying to help others.    Well, that went away pretty early on when I had to close up to protect myself.  That change was profound.   I closed right up and have stayed fairly closed up throughout my life.   I always wondered how that little girl would have turned out without the horrors of childhood.

Oops, sorry so long. 

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@chickenbutt  Your post is so insightful, and powerful. You are still that small child, and so are the rest of us whether good or bad. That is why we have such dysfunction in the world, unless we become aware that inner child controls us. We all know what would happen if we let a small child make major decisions in our adult lives. Chaos, yet that is exactly what is happening when we don't face the inner demons. 

I hope you let down those walls slowly, and sooth that sweet little girl by letting her know it's ok, she is ok, and you are an adult now and in control. 

[manny2]

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

I grew up poor. I left home. Took a lot of twists and turns but I went to college, graduated and work as a professional.

The thing that will keep you poor is your mindset. I didnt get to Harvard, I went to a state university. You have to find the ahem, chutzpah to leave your circumstances behind.  

I was considered the black sheep. I didnt smoke anything, didnt drink, loved the library. It was my sanctuary. Encyclopedias took me to a world outside the 'hood.

I lived among hysterical drama queens at home who chased down every worthless man as if he were a lifeboat.

I met some truly fantastic people along the way.  As that college commercial says, you can change the whole trajectory of your life. If your first attempt fails, get up.

While I made a poor choice for a short marriage, I raised DS on my own. In fact, I put him thru college, too. He works as a professional with a healthy lifestyle as well.

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@Snowpuppy  Amen it is about breaking the cycle, and you did it!  I don't know you but I am inspired by you!

[Porcelain]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@Porcelain wrote:

33% nature 33% nurture and 34% dumb luck. Things that just sort of happen, completely out of the blue and unearned undeserved and out of your control, sometimes change your life completely for good or bad. The random element to life is what keeps it spicy.

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@Porcelain, what seems like dumb luck is just being in the right place at the right time -- often easier for those with who come from more privileged backgrounds.

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Yep. They say that you can judge how just a society is by how willing you would be to be born into that society --  if it had to be completely random which family and socio demographic (etc) class you would be born into.

[blackhole99]

@Porcelain  oh yes, luck is everything, especially being lucky enough to have great parents, no matter if you are rich or poor.